Saturday, October 31, 2009

Today is Halloween

Halloween Graphics @
Halloween Graphics

Another day without my son.
For something you accuse that I have done
I miss out on Halloween fun
With my son
You still think you have won
But I still have a son.

OK, bad attempt at a poem. Halloween, either you get caught up in the celebration or you don't. This was a time for me that was fun. I picked out a costume for my son, with his help of course, bought candy, braved the cold, rain or snow, and walked a neighborhood begging for candy. As he got older we visited haunted houses or other supposed scary activities. it was all in fun, but it really was more of special times that we both could look back on and reminisce. I loved hearing him say, "Remember Mom, the time you took me to that place and we went trick or treating" and other memories.

Every time something special comes around, be it the Christian or other religious holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc, target parents look back at the special times they had with their children. Many have lost those special times.

While my son is now an adult legally, I doubt I am missing the trick or treating times and his dressing up in a costume, but I still wonder what he is doing.

As for my poem: My ex accused me of many heinous things and attempted to strip me of my parental rights. I lost many special times and memories with my son, but I did not lose my son as my ex wished the courts would have granted.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

some thoughts about parental alienation

Through my own experiences dealing with parental alienation and with talking to those that experience first hand and others, I have come up with some thoughts of my own. I would like your feedback as well.

I had a conversation the other day with a young adult, age 23, whose parents are divorced. She has no idea of my situation. I do not believe that parental alienation played a huge part in her parent's divorce, although there could have been some naive alienation going on by both parents. What struck a chord with me, was a comment that she made. She did not want to know about her parent's divorce, did not want to know the cause, she just wanted to be able to love them both without feeling she had to hear anything of the past. I got a sense that now, both or one parents wanted to tell their side of the story. She stated this divorce was not about her. She is right.

In my previous post about what does love have to do with it and letting go, I think I hit upon something. Something that seems to make more sense as time goes on. I think the degree of parental alienation is directly related to the age of the child, time spent with the child before alienation became apparent and the level of the alienation employed by the alienating parent. This is not to say that some cases are easier, because any parent that experiences this can never recover the lost years.

If you are a target parent, never ever give up hope. Please keep contact, even if you are the one doing all the contact. Develop a thick skin and let the hurtful comments slide off. Keep a log, diary, online blog, something that chronicles your contact and love for your child. Get a facebook page or a myspace page or whatever the social networking pages that your child may have. You nay not be friends with them, but post pictures of them, let them know you love them. Someone will see them and tell your child this. Call on birthdays, holidays and more. Leave a message, it may not be returned. Gather a box and place cards, gifts, whatever you have to into, that one day your child will see you never gave up. Don't stop being a parent that loves a child that can not do things just because the courts and your ex spouse has made it seem this way. You are just being the silent parent for now. I truly believe that these children taken away from the target parents will one day return.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!