This link was brought to my attention about a house/senate bill being considered in the Tennessee General Assembly. According to this link this bill states "Evidence - As introduced, prohibits the admission of any evidence concerning parental alienation syndrome in any proceeding involving a custody determination of a minor child. - Amends TCA Title 24, Chapter 7 and Title 36." According to TN law concerning custody determination, I came across this link. For chapter 36-6-106. Child custody it states:
36-6-106. Child custody. —
(a) In a suit for annulment, divorce, separate maintenance, or in any other proceeding requiring the court to make a custody determination regarding a minor child, the determination shall be made on the basis of the best interest of the child. The court shall consider all relevant factors, including the following, where applicable:
(1) The love, affection and emotional ties existing between the parents or caregivers and the child;
(2) The disposition of the parents or caregivers to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, education and other necessary care and the degree to which a parent or caregiver has been the primary caregiver;
(3) The importance of continuity in the child's life and the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment; provided, that, where there is a finding, under subdivision (a)(8), of child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, by one (1) parent, and that a nonperpetrating parent or caregiver has relocated in order to flee the perpetrating parent, that the relocation shall not weigh against an award of custody;
(4) The stability of the family unit of the parents or caregivers;
(5) The mental and physical health of the parents or caregivers;
(6) The home, school and community record of the child;
(7) (A) The reasonable preference of the child, if twelve (12) years of age or older;
(B) The court may hear the preference of a younger child on request. The preferences of older children should normally be given greater weight than those of younger children;
(8) Evidence of physical or emotional abuse to the child, to the other parent or to any other person; provided, that, where there are allegations that one (1) parent has committed child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, against a family member, the court shall consider all evidence relevant to the physical and emotional safety of the child, and determine, by a clear preponderance of the evidence, whether such abuse has occurred. The court shall include in its decision a written finding of all evidence, and all findings of facts connected to the evidence. In addition, the court shall, where appropriate, refer any issues of abuse to the juvenile court for further proceedings;
(9) The character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent or caregiver and the person's interactions with the child; and
(10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.
(b) Notwithstanding the provisions of any law to the contrary, the court has jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination regarding a minor child or may modify a prior order of child custody upon finding that the custodial parent has been convicted of or found civilly liable for the intentional and wrongful death of the child's other parent or legal guardian.
(c) As used in this section, “caregiver” has the meaning ascribed to that term in § 37-5-501.
(d) Nothing in subsections (a) and (c) shall be construed to affect or diminish the constitutional rights of parents that may arise during and are inherent in custody proceedings.
[Acts 1995, ch. 428, § 2; 1998, ch. 1003, § 1; 1998, ch. 1095, §§ 2, 3; 2000, ch. 683, § 2; 2007, ch. 245, §§ 1-3.]
This bill would contradict the 36-6-106 Child Custody rules that already exist. I looked at section 10 which states: (10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child. A parent who is participating in alienating the child from the other parent does not facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and other parent. Alienating parents are obsessed with intentionally destroying the relationship between the child and the targeted parent. The alienating parent will lie to the child about the targeted parent’s true feelings. They will encourage the child to believe that the targeted parent is harmful. They will attempt to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life. This is NOT encouraging a close and continuing relationship between the child and both parents.
I could argue most of the other points as well, but I think the above is important. Whomever came up with this bill for consideration has not researched parental alienation thoroughly. If this bill were to pass, children in the state of Tennessee will suffer the most.
If you reside in Tennessee, contact your lawmakers and urge them to vote against this bill for consideration.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Suggested reading for target parents
If you are a parent experiencing parental alienation, you most likely are searching every resource you can for information. You may be wanting to know how to stop or prevent this from happening, if things will ever return to normal with your relationship with your children and what to do to facilitate this as well.
Dr. Amy Baker has written a book titled Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
. Dr. Baker has a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University. She is the author or co-author of 3 books and over 45 peer reviewed articles. Her areas of research include parental alienation, child welfare, parent involvement in their children's education, early intervention, and attachment. She is the Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection.
This book interviews 40 adults who were alienated from a parent as a child. Many of the stories sound the same; a controlling parent who sets out on a mission to destroy the relationship between the child and other parent. As I read the stories, I found a common theme. The target parent who did not give up, would sometimes eventually have a relationship with the child they lost. The book is well written and offers advice for target parents as well.
If you have not read this book, I would suggest that this book is a must read. You will gain insight and understanding in a way you thought was not possible.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Dr. Amy Baker has written a book titled Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
. Dr. Baker has a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University. She is the author or co-author of 3 books and over 45 peer reviewed articles. Her areas of research include parental alienation, child welfare, parent involvement in their children's education, early intervention, and attachment. She is the Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection. This book interviews 40 adults who were alienated from a parent as a child. Many of the stories sound the same; a controlling parent who sets out on a mission to destroy the relationship between the child and other parent. As I read the stories, I found a common theme. The target parent who did not give up, would sometimes eventually have a relationship with the child they lost. The book is well written and offers advice for target parents as well.
If you have not read this book, I would suggest that this book is a must read. You will gain insight and understanding in a way you thought was not possible.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
My experience talking about parental alienation
I ruffled some feathers today. It was not intentional, but it happened. I figured saying I ruffled some feathers sounded better than saying I pissed some people off today. OK, now I said it!
I know where my heart is concerning the topic of parental alienation and I am pretty sure I know where I stand concerning parental alienation too. A situation arose today that sent some red flags up for me and I acted upon them. In this situation, the father, was the one I suspected of being either alienated or very much in the process of being alienated. I spoke to the father privately and gave him a flyer about parental alienation and also gave him my email address and name. I am not sure if others around me knew I did this, but I did see some things and overheard conversations later that made me angry. To protect identity's, I will not elaborate any further about the situation.
I do want to point out that I write this blog based on my personal experiences and from those I know affected by parental alienation. I am female, I am a mother, and I feel my ex husband did a number on me, does not care about our child and uses our child to hurt me as well. This is not about me or my ex husband. This is about children being torn from parents that love them and the children want the relationship with both parents, but one parent carries out the revenge by convincing their children to hate a parent. I think my ex is a chump, but does that mean he does not love our son or want a relationship with him. This is not for me to decide. Unfortunately, my ex decided that our son wants nothing to do with me. That was not his decision either.
I wish parents, who are supposed to be the adults, could put aside the personal feelings they have for the ex partner and let these children love both parents. This is what I stand for.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I know where my heart is concerning the topic of parental alienation and I am pretty sure I know where I stand concerning parental alienation too. A situation arose today that sent some red flags up for me and I acted upon them. In this situation, the father, was the one I suspected of being either alienated or very much in the process of being alienated. I spoke to the father privately and gave him a flyer about parental alienation and also gave him my email address and name. I am not sure if others around me knew I did this, but I did see some things and overheard conversations later that made me angry. To protect identity's, I will not elaborate any further about the situation.
I do want to point out that I write this blog based on my personal experiences and from those I know affected by parental alienation. I am female, I am a mother, and I feel my ex husband did a number on me, does not care about our child and uses our child to hurt me as well. This is not about me or my ex husband. This is about children being torn from parents that love them and the children want the relationship with both parents, but one parent carries out the revenge by convincing their children to hate a parent. I think my ex is a chump, but does that mean he does not love our son or want a relationship with him. This is not for me to decide. Unfortunately, my ex decided that our son wants nothing to do with me. That was not his decision either.
I wish parents, who are supposed to be the adults, could put aside the personal feelings they have for the ex partner and let these children love both parents. This is what I stand for.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Missing you on Valentine's Day
Myspace Graphics, Valentine's Day Graphics at WishAFriend.com
Today is the day that many exchange cards, candy, flowers and gifts with those we love. When I grew up, I got a small box of candy from my parents as well as a card. I continued that tradition with my son. This year, I do not get to continue that tradition with my son. So yes Son, I am missing you on Valentine's Day.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Friday, February 06, 2009
1300 days
Today is day 1300 since my son said he loved me. I guess I could look at as 3 years, 6 months, 20 days or 112,320,000 seconds or 1,872,000 minutes or 31,200 hours or 185 weeks. Perhaps I should not look at it in those terms. I could also look at it as there are other parents who have had a much longer time since they have heard their child utter these words or even seen them for that fact. Do you think that parental alienation does not hurt?
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Super Bowl XLIII
OK I admit, I not a big sports fan, but will admit that I have to watch the Super Bowl. There is something about this event that makes me a sports fan for the day. Maybe it is the commercials! Whatever the reason, I will be watching this afternoon and will cheer the underdogs today. Why? Target parents are the underdogs in the fight against parental alienation, so I have to cheer for all the target parents who are experiencing parental alienation and hoping they win. Go Cardinals!To those that are having parties today, have fun and be careful!
To my son today, I want to let you know that I will be watching today and thinking of you. I know you will be watching the Super Bowl.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Not sure what I should title this today
In my previous entry I stated that I left a comment on this blog. I thought is may interesting to see the response that was left to my comment.
Alienated mom, you are surrounded in your own bullshit. Don’t come trying to convince anyone without doing the research and getting your facts straight.
You applaud the decision of a judge to now “alienate” the other parent? That doesn’t make any sense.
There may be parents who intentionally brainwash, but it is a little something that everyone is guilty of, brainwashing against neighbors, friends, schools systems, methods of thought…but then there are those that tell their children the truth, or the children are able to accept the truth themselves…that is not brainwashing. Children often side with their abusers, which is why they may not initially “turn” until confronted with the information and realizing it as abuse. Sometimes, indeed, they have to have space from their abusers. Children feel guilty about having been abused and wonder what they could have done to stop it. That is why children need protection.
Conceiving a son out of love means nothing in my book. We all FUCK from time to time and get pregnant, pregnancy is the result of fucking where there is no contraception, or failed contraception. Just because two people were present for the sex doesn’t mean they feel the same way about the child.
A child has a right to know his father? Who is disputing this? A child has a right to know whatever he or she wants to know and what is best for the child’s health, including separating that child from an abusive parent…ya know, because abusing a child’s parent, or caretaker, in FRONT of the child IS CHILD ABUSE–DUH. What child deserves to witness abuse?
Oh yeah, remind the child that he/she was conceived in love, that’ll fix it.
Give me a percentage of fathers included in these studies!!!
Part of the rule of statistical information is YOU MUST KNOW THE RESEARCHER AND THE RESEARCHER’S AFFILIATIONS AND POTENTIAL BIASES.
How clever PAS supporters think they can “brainwash” us into forgetting about Dr. Pedophile Gardner sex with the father is okay, it’s society that is the problem.
You are very brainwashed indeed. The Male Supremacy groups have successfully initiate a “campaign” that allowed you to accept superficial explanations and debunked “diagnosis.”
There are many things I could say in response to this comment, but I will refrain for now. I would say they do understand parental alienation as it seems obvious that they participate in this. I am assuming this is a mother that is writing this and I wonder how many children she has through the process of "fucking" as she refers to it and I also wonder how much government assistance she receives to keep her children from their father or should I say fathers? She sounds as she hates men and I sure hope she does not have any male children in her home. As for the Male Supremacy groups she refers to, those groups that spew hatred towards women are as bad as she is. Children should be allowed the right to love both parents without one parent spewing hatred against the other to convince the child to hate.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Alienated mom, you are surrounded in your own bullshit. Don’t come trying to convince anyone without doing the research and getting your facts straight.
You applaud the decision of a judge to now “alienate” the other parent? That doesn’t make any sense.
There may be parents who intentionally brainwash, but it is a little something that everyone is guilty of, brainwashing against neighbors, friends, schools systems, methods of thought…but then there are those that tell their children the truth, or the children are able to accept the truth themselves…that is not brainwashing. Children often side with their abusers, which is why they may not initially “turn” until confronted with the information and realizing it as abuse. Sometimes, indeed, they have to have space from their abusers. Children feel guilty about having been abused and wonder what they could have done to stop it. That is why children need protection.
Conceiving a son out of love means nothing in my book. We all FUCK from time to time and get pregnant, pregnancy is the result of fucking where there is no contraception, or failed contraception. Just because two people were present for the sex doesn’t mean they feel the same way about the child.
A child has a right to know his father? Who is disputing this? A child has a right to know whatever he or she wants to know and what is best for the child’s health, including separating that child from an abusive parent…ya know, because abusing a child’s parent, or caretaker, in FRONT of the child IS CHILD ABUSE–DUH. What child deserves to witness abuse?
Oh yeah, remind the child that he/she was conceived in love, that’ll fix it.
Give me a percentage of fathers included in these studies!!!
Part of the rule of statistical information is YOU MUST KNOW THE RESEARCHER AND THE RESEARCHER’S AFFILIATIONS AND POTENTIAL BIASES.
How clever PAS supporters think they can “brainwash” us into forgetting about Dr. Pedophile Gardner sex with the father is okay, it’s society that is the problem.
You are very brainwashed indeed. The Male Supremacy groups have successfully initiate a “campaign” that allowed you to accept superficial explanations and debunked “diagnosis.”
There are many things I could say in response to this comment, but I will refrain for now. I would say they do understand parental alienation as it seems obvious that they participate in this. I am assuming this is a mother that is writing this and I wonder how many children she has through the process of "fucking" as she refers to it and I also wonder how much government assistance she receives to keep her children from their father or should I say fathers? She sounds as she hates men and I sure hope she does not have any male children in her home. As for the Male Supremacy groups she refers to, those groups that spew hatred towards women are as bad as she is. Children should be allowed the right to love both parents without one parent spewing hatred against the other to convince the child to hate.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
My post for the day
OK, I admit the title leaves little to be desired, but then again this post I came across today does the same. There is a controversy about parental alienation among the certain lines of thought. It exists, it does not exist, it is junk science, it is not junk science, etc., you get my point. Granted, parental alienation is not in the The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), but the personality types of the parents who alienate their children are, such as narcissist, sociopath and such.
I came across this post in response to the recent Canadian court case about parental alienation. Quite honestly, today, I am tired and do not feel like doing the copy and paste of the article and the court decision, if you have not come across these. Please click the links and read them and come back to my page. I did leave a comment, which I think has to be approved and not sure it will be, so I will post my comment here.
"As a mother myself who does not have custody of her ONLY child, I applaud the decision of this judge. For a parent, mother or father, who intentionally sets out on a path to destroy the parent-child bond, does not deserve to be called a parent. As to the term parental alienation and the arguments that it does not exist, I am here to say that “it”, whatever word used to describe the process, DOES exist. A child does not suddenly turn against a parent and has hatred in their heart for a parent. A child three days prior would not kiss you goodnight and say they love you and three days later profess that you abuse them.
I am well aware of domestic violence as my ex husband was abusive to me and I have court records proving such. I also can provide court records of abuse to a wife after our marriage. The fact remains that he is the father of our child. We conceived our son out of love at one point in our lives and our child does have the right to know his father. Yes, I refer often to “our” child because this child was produced from two people.
Parental alienation is abuse, it is mental abuse, and it is a continuation of the domestic violence that I endured. Parental alienation is about control as well. It is control of the child’s mind.
Although Dr. Gardner refers to mothers as the perpetrators of this heinous act, if you open your mind to the fact that this control and abuse of a child does exist, you will find that fathers are now included in these studies. I am not here to discredit fathers or mothers, I am here to state that parental alienation exists and that it is not gender specific.
You mention a child’s right. They should have the right to love both parents without the interference of a vindictive ex spouse spewing their own hatred to the child.
What message do we as parents send to our child when we state how bad the other parent is and how much we hate the other parent? We are telling our child that we hate HALF of them because of this parent.
http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/"
My thoughts for the day.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I came across this post in response to the recent Canadian court case about parental alienation. Quite honestly, today, I am tired and do not feel like doing the copy and paste of the article and the court decision, if you have not come across these. Please click the links and read them and come back to my page. I did leave a comment, which I think has to be approved and not sure it will be, so I will post my comment here.
"As a mother myself who does not have custody of her ONLY child, I applaud the decision of this judge. For a parent, mother or father, who intentionally sets out on a path to destroy the parent-child bond, does not deserve to be called a parent. As to the term parental alienation and the arguments that it does not exist, I am here to say that “it”, whatever word used to describe the process, DOES exist. A child does not suddenly turn against a parent and has hatred in their heart for a parent. A child three days prior would not kiss you goodnight and say they love you and three days later profess that you abuse them.
I am well aware of domestic violence as my ex husband was abusive to me and I have court records proving such. I also can provide court records of abuse to a wife after our marriage. The fact remains that he is the father of our child. We conceived our son out of love at one point in our lives and our child does have the right to know his father. Yes, I refer often to “our” child because this child was produced from two people.
Parental alienation is abuse, it is mental abuse, and it is a continuation of the domestic violence that I endured. Parental alienation is about control as well. It is control of the child’s mind.
Although Dr. Gardner refers to mothers as the perpetrators of this heinous act, if you open your mind to the fact that this control and abuse of a child does exist, you will find that fathers are now included in these studies. I am not here to discredit fathers or mothers, I am here to state that parental alienation exists and that it is not gender specific.
You mention a child’s right. They should have the right to love both parents without the interference of a vindictive ex spouse spewing their own hatred to the child.
What message do we as parents send to our child when we state how bad the other parent is and how much we hate the other parent? We are telling our child that we hate HALF of them because of this parent.
http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/"
My thoughts for the day.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
I have had several conversations or discussions about a subject that I think I have come up with an appropriate title for my post today. There seems to be many questions when talking with other target parents about contact with their alienated child and how the court orders read. There also seems to be an opinion, by people that do not understand parental alienation, that one should let go and wait until the child matures. The main consensus seems to be to absent yourself from the child's life until the child "realizes" what has happened. This is how I came about my title today.
I have been told that I am a rebel and I guess I have to agree with that. I do not act this way to cause harm and am certainly not violent in my actions. I will question and if I believe I am correct I will seek to improve the conditions. Many of the laws we have today are because a person stood up for what they believed in and did something to help change them. This is what I identify myself with.
Many times I hear a parent say they are at a loss at what to do about their child. I ask if they see them or not and how much contact they have. Many times I hear that they are not allowed to see their child and are only allowed one phone call and can mail the child cards and gifts. I ask if they email their child and they tell me, the court order does not say I can email. These parents are afraid that if they email their child they will be held in contempt for breaking the order. I can understand completely and do not advise anyone to break a court order. I can not tell you the last time I sent something via the postal service and email communication has become the norm in many institutions for communication. My options are the same if one sends me postal mail or email. I can choose to open the postal mail and I can choose to open the email. With email, I also have a delete option, something I do not have with postal mail. To send postal mail or email, many times I have no idea if the recipient even receives the mail. I also have the option to send certified return receipt mail and I can purchase a read receipt program for my email. I consider both ways (postal and email) communication via mail. The only thing I cannot do via email is to send gifts, but I can send links for money. I guess money could be considered a gift.
When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent does everything in their power to absent the child from the target parent's life. They find excuses to deny visitation. They also talk badly about the target parent to the child in hopes that the child will believe the rumors about the target parent. If the child has no opportunity to have exposure to the target parent, their heart does not grow fonder due to the absence, instead they start believing what the alienating parent claims. They may mature and seek the truth at a later date, but I think it is important that the target parent lets their child know that they love them, miss them and are always there for them. I have heard that this contact of letting the child know they are loved and missed can be interpreted as harassment. My question is when did a parent letting their child know the special place they hold in their heart become harassment? This is what is wrong with the system that allows alienating parents to control. This is why the laws must be changed.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I have had several conversations or discussions about a subject that I think I have come up with an appropriate title for my post today. There seems to be many questions when talking with other target parents about contact with their alienated child and how the court orders read. There also seems to be an opinion, by people that do not understand parental alienation, that one should let go and wait until the child matures. The main consensus seems to be to absent yourself from the child's life until the child "realizes" what has happened. This is how I came about my title today.
I have been told that I am a rebel and I guess I have to agree with that. I do not act this way to cause harm and am certainly not violent in my actions. I will question and if I believe I am correct I will seek to improve the conditions. Many of the laws we have today are because a person stood up for what they believed in and did something to help change them. This is what I identify myself with.
Many times I hear a parent say they are at a loss at what to do about their child. I ask if they see them or not and how much contact they have. Many times I hear that they are not allowed to see their child and are only allowed one phone call and can mail the child cards and gifts. I ask if they email their child and they tell me, the court order does not say I can email. These parents are afraid that if they email their child they will be held in contempt for breaking the order. I can understand completely and do not advise anyone to break a court order. I can not tell you the last time I sent something via the postal service and email communication has become the norm in many institutions for communication. My options are the same if one sends me postal mail or email. I can choose to open the postal mail and I can choose to open the email. With email, I also have a delete option, something I do not have with postal mail. To send postal mail or email, many times I have no idea if the recipient even receives the mail. I also have the option to send certified return receipt mail and I can purchase a read receipt program for my email. I consider both ways (postal and email) communication via mail. The only thing I cannot do via email is to send gifts, but I can send links for money. I guess money could be considered a gift.
When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent does everything in their power to absent the child from the target parent's life. They find excuses to deny visitation. They also talk badly about the target parent to the child in hopes that the child will believe the rumors about the target parent. If the child has no opportunity to have exposure to the target parent, their heart does not grow fonder due to the absence, instead they start believing what the alienating parent claims. They may mature and seek the truth at a later date, but I think it is important that the target parent lets their child know that they love them, miss them and are always there for them. I have heard that this contact of letting the child know they are loved and missed can be interpreted as harassment. My question is when did a parent letting their child know the special place they hold in their heart become harassment? This is what is wrong with the system that allows alienating parents to control. This is why the laws must be changed.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Ashley Scott murder trial in Memphis, TN...another domestic violence case
I would not normally attempt to blog about a murder trial that involves domestic violence. First and foremost, having been a victim of domestic violence, I may find it difficult to be objective in my writings. Then again, this blog is about parental alienation, to which I am the target parent and I may find it hard to be objective in my writings pertaining to this as well. I do my best and attempt to be objective, but that is not always easy to do. I am writing this today because I was sent a link by a friend who asked that I make a post about this. Little did I know that this would be a labored task. I have read the blogs about the trial and also did a bit of research as well and will now attempt to write about this case.
Let me state some facts and at the end of this I will have links I used in my research for this entry. Memphis is a city in the southwest corner of the state of Tennessee and it is the county seat of Shelby County. As of 2008, Memphis had an estimated population of 677,272, making it the largest city in the state of Tennessee , the second largest in the Southeastern United States, and the 18th largest in the United States. According to an article published April 13, 2008: 63,000: Domestic violence calls received in 2007 by law enforcement agencies in Memphis and Shelby County;
24,000: Domestic violence cases investigated; 4,014: Criminal domestic violence cases handled by the Domestic Violence Prosecution Unit in 2007 -- 3,295 misdemeanors and 719 felonies; 52: Percentage of crimes against persons in Shelby County that involve domestic violence; 50: Average number of aggravated domestic violence calls to the Memphis Police Department daily, or more than 18,000 a year; 22, 27, 23, 14: Number of of domestic homicides in Memphis in 2007, 2006, 2005 and 2004, respectively. According to another article published Sunday, September 7, 2008, a death that was being written about was the 27th homicide linked to domestic violence in 2008, nearly double the number (14) at this time last year. According to another article: A woman is battered every 8 to 10 seconds in the United States (3-4 million times per year); A man is battered every 16 minutes in the United States (143,000 times per year); On average, Us medical schools require only two hours of training in adult domestic violence and less than half of family practice residencies require education about Intimate Partner Abuse. Thirty-one percent of female physicians and 14% of male physicians have personally experienced domestic violence. Thirty-one percent of nurses report that they or someone in their immediate families have experienced domestic violence.
These are alarming statistics! Domestic violence happens everyday somewhere to someone you know or know of. Domestic violence knows no bounds, knows no racial lines, knows no religious affiliations and knows no gender. Although statistics seem to have a higher percentage of female victims, I believe that the male percentage may be understated.
Now onto the story about Ashley Scott.
Ashley Scott, a teacher in Memphis, was 28 years old when she was beaten to death by her husband, Jeffrey Scott. On November 23, 2006 after an evening of drinking and arguments, Jeffrey beat his wife and left her in the garage. He claims that he brought her back inside and laid her on the floor by the fireplace at approximately 9am. At approximately noon, he attempted to move her to the bed. Around 2:30pm, he called a friend, who was a medical doctor, and asked that he come to his house alone. Since it was Thanksgiving Day, Jeff knew that his friend was most likely with his family. According to documents contained in the blogs, the paramedics received the 911 call at 3:13pm. At 7:52pm, Ashley was pronounced dead due to blunt force trauma to the head.
If this link works, you can hear the 911 call. In my opinion, Jeffrey Scott sounded too calm, cold and calculating. Shock? Decide for yourself if you listen to the tape.
"Uh, my wife is unconscious," said Scott on the tape.
McGee told the jury he believed Jeffrey to be in shock. He was calm as McGee started CPR.
"How's she breathing now, is it normal," asked a 911 dispatcher.
"Yes," said Scott.
"She's dead," McGee can be heard saying in the background.
"Sir, did I hear him say she was dead," asked the dispatcher.
"Yes. That's what he said," said Scott.
"You said she was breathing," the dispatcher said.
"She was. She was just a second ago," said Scott.
McGee told the jury he believed Jeffrey to be in shock. He was calm as McGee started CPR.
"How's she breathing now, is it normal," asked a 911 dispatcher.
"Yes," said Scott.
"She's dead," McGee can be heard saying in the background.
"Sir, did I hear him say she was dead," asked the dispatcher.
"Yes. That's what he said," said Scott.
"You said she was breathing," the dispatcher said.
"She was. She was just a second ago," said Scott.
The jury got to hear all the dirty laundry of the couple. They drank, perhaps even too much. Ashley had a DUI. They both had affairs. This was all done to discredit Ashley and to place the sympathy factor into the minds of the jurors. The use of alcohol was presented to discredit Ashley as she drank too much and had received a DUI. The victim is dead and cannot defend themselves, so the best thing a defense can do is to discredit them. Then the use of alcohol was brought up again, as the reason that the fight got out of control. The alcohol played a part, but it was Jeffrey's conscious decision to beat his wife and not to stop. The use of alcohol did not make him beat his wife, nor did it make him beat her to death. It became the crutch that the defense wished to use. Ashley drank, Ashely had a DUI, Ashely had a level above legal limit. All these portrayed the evils of alcohol. The defense went as far as having another doctor testify that perhaps Ashley's death was alcohol related. Then the defense raised the issue that Jeffrey had been drinking, almost saying that he was influenced by the alcohol and perhaps things got out of hand.
If you check any of the links I used to write this post, you can read the jury trial. The one thing I noticed was how familiar this story sounded. I could relate. Jeffrey was mean and abusive. He called his wife names, told her she was not a good teacher, told her she would not be a good mother, but they were supposedly attempting to have a baby. I read somewhere that Jeffrey said she would do right if she gave him a son. News flash for you! The man determines the sex of the child, the woman carries the baby until birth. He monitored her expenses, monitored her calls, monitored her friends, he was always checking up on her. Perhaps when these means of intimidation and coercion did not control his wife as he thought they should, he started in on the physical abuse. It was reported that Ashely went to school many times with heavy makeup and long sleeves, even when it was hot outside. This was done to hide the bruises.
This what abusers do. They control by any means they can and when those means stop working they up the tactics. There is a difference between constructive criticism and outright offending and demeaning remarks. I was told I could not do certain things correctly, such as wash his shirts. Therefore, his shirt had to go to the dry cleaners. Therefore, I had to allow in the budget this expense. If I tried a new recipe for dinner that did not work out, instead of a comment of this one does not work, I was told I did not know how to cook. My home was clean or so I am told by people that have visited my home several times, but I was told by my ex that I did not know how to keep a home. Never mind that he did not offer to do it the way it was supposed to be. If I did not get a joke, I was told I was stupid. If I went to the store and took longer than he thought, I was accused of having an affair and was prohibited from going to the store alone. I did not handle the finances correctly and he would take care of them, but his bills would be paid first and then if I was good, he would allow for my bills to be paid. When I started standing up for myself, the physical control started. I was one of the lucky ones and got out before he placed me in a hospital or worse.
Little did I know that the abuse would continue after our divorce by the means of parental alienation. Now he controls our son's mind, like he did me at one time.
Please if you are a victim of domestic abuse, please seek some assistance. Tell your story. I feel this is important for the male victims as I believe they are silent. Alcohol use, drug use, and stress do not cause domestic violence; they may go along with domestic violence, but they do not cause the violence. Abusers will use these excuses for their violence.
The jury found Jeffrey Scott guilty of second-degree murder for the beating death of his wife, and he had the same reserved manner that he displayed on a 911 call played during his trial. He faces 15 to 25 years in prison when Judge James Lammey Jr. sentences him Feb. 19. There is no parole for second-degree murder, but he could earn a time reduction of up to 15 percent for good behavior. UPDATE: Jeffrey Scott received 25 years in prison without parole.
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