Hello to everyone!
I am working on a few posts, that I hope to get published soon.
As we near the 4th of July and the celebration of Independence Day, I can only hope that those that are held hostage by the means of parental alienation can somehow find some liberation.
The more that I sit back, reflect and ponder, I have come to realize that parental alienation is a continuation of domestic violence, a control issue and it is most definitely child abuse. I disagree with the groups that want to so call protect their children from the abuse by denying them the knowledge and association with the other parent. Children will seek out these things as they get older and if this so called abuse was a dreamed up idea by a parent as a means to control, the children will figure this out one day. I am sorry if you disagree, but two people made this child and this child has the right to know both parents, no matter the alleged adults feelings towards each other. I have also written that the laws need to change. I agree they need to change, but FIRST the current laws need to be enforced.
I hope to be able to touch on these subjects in my following posts.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the Abuse!
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
"My Story" the intro
There are three sides to every story....her side, his side and in between lies the truth. It is supposed to be up to the judges to decide which side they believe more per se and weed through the rest of the BS. The judges are supposed to rule in the best interests of the child and are supposed to use the laws and enforce them. Unfortunately, this does not happen. This is where I want my story to focus on. I may have to go back to pre divorce to make a point, but I really want to focus on the fact that there are laws that the judges DO NOT enforce and basically IGNORE! This is the injustice that alienating parents face. A gross injustice! Parental rights are being violated.
My thoughts for the day
I have been doing alot of thinking here lately. How to proceed to "tell my story", what to write about and how to go on with life with that empty hole that parental alienation leaves.
I recently experienced an unexpected death of a family member. It was quite a shock. It was not real until the day of the funeral. I will miss this person, but I also know that they will not be back to visit and will not have to wonder when the next time will be that I see them. A closure of sorts, I guess. In parental alienation, it is a death, but without closure. With death, you can be mad and angry that they left, but know they will never be back. You can visit them at their grave. You know the phone number you had for them is now disconnected, not because they avoid your calls, but because they are not there. With PA, you know your child is there, but refuses to answer. You worry about them and know if something happened, you may never know about it. There is no closure. Perhaps that means there is hope that they will one day see the light of truth, or mature enough to know better. You can only hope and pray that the lies they have been told, entice them to seek the truth one day.
This leads me to another thought as well. I will begin my journey into my PAS story today. First of all, I want to say there are three sides to every story out there. Her side, His side and between the two, the truth. Which party told more of the truth, is for those to figure out. There is no innocent person when it comes to parental alienation. One perpetrates knowingly and the other enables, many times unknowingly. I can refer to my story with documentation, notes, court documents, arrest records, police records and much more. I found that this diligence got me no where in the courts of law. I could impeach the credibility of my ex many times, but again it was futile. Somehow, it will eventually work out, or so I am told.
Stay tuned as I gather my thoughts for another post.
I recently experienced an unexpected death of a family member. It was quite a shock. It was not real until the day of the funeral. I will miss this person, but I also know that they will not be back to visit and will not have to wonder when the next time will be that I see them. A closure of sorts, I guess. In parental alienation, it is a death, but without closure. With death, you can be mad and angry that they left, but know they will never be back. You can visit them at their grave. You know the phone number you had for them is now disconnected, not because they avoid your calls, but because they are not there. With PA, you know your child is there, but refuses to answer. You worry about them and know if something happened, you may never know about it. There is no closure. Perhaps that means there is hope that they will one day see the light of truth, or mature enough to know better. You can only hope and pray that the lies they have been told, entice them to seek the truth one day.
This leads me to another thought as well. I will begin my journey into my PAS story today. First of all, I want to say there are three sides to every story out there. Her side, His side and between the two, the truth. Which party told more of the truth, is for those to figure out. There is no innocent person when it comes to parental alienation. One perpetrates knowingly and the other enables, many times unknowingly. I can refer to my story with documentation, notes, court documents, arrest records, police records and much more. I found that this diligence got me no where in the courts of law. I could impeach the credibility of my ex many times, but again it was futile. Somehow, it will eventually work out, or so I am told.
Stay tuned as I gather my thoughts for another post.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Back Again!
I would like to thank those that sent me emails saying they missed my posts and to those that offered words of support and wisdom. Please forgive me for not responding though. I am still taking this all in and deciding how to proceed with this blog. For the moment, I will still remain anonymous so I protect my son's identity. That is of the up most importance to me.
My lack of posting was for several reasons. I got hit with several computer viruses, malware and trojans. I attempted to save some money by "fixing" the problem myself, but I ended up having to take my computer in to the shop. An expensive lesson! Yes, I use anti viral software, but the nasty I got bypassed my settings. My other reasons for not posting were due to personal issues. I have experienced a death that hit everyone very hard. I needed to grieve this as well. My son graduated from high school and I was dealing with the difficulties associated with attending his graduation. I did attend his graduation, but felt like an intruder that night. Since that night, I have not been able to contact my son either.
Anger and bitterness, although justified, does not make for good posting.
So, I will start out again posting, perhaps slow, but with thought or so I hope.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
My lack of posting was for several reasons. I got hit with several computer viruses, malware and trojans. I attempted to save some money by "fixing" the problem myself, but I ended up having to take my computer in to the shop. An expensive lesson! Yes, I use anti viral software, but the nasty I got bypassed my settings. My other reasons for not posting were due to personal issues. I have experienced a death that hit everyone very hard. I needed to grieve this as well. My son graduated from high school and I was dealing with the difficulties associated with attending his graduation. I did attend his graduation, but felt like an intruder that night. Since that night, I have not been able to contact my son either.
Anger and bitterness, although justified, does not make for good posting.
So, I will start out again posting, perhaps slow, but with thought or so I hope.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Monday, May 25, 2009
I am back...sort of
Hello!
I know it has been some time since I have posted. I have been stressed in many areas of my life. Work, extended family and the end of legal battle for my son, has taken a toil on me. I have been trying to decide which avenue I take next. Do I continue this blog anonymously, or do I start posting some of my story? My intention is not to discredit the father of our son, but to post some of the court documents that show or perhaps prove that the family court of law is messed up. Of course, if I choose to post documents, the father of our son will not appear as a man of honor, or the man that our son thought he was. This could also cause the family courts to be exposed as well.
I think this is what every target parent faces. Do we tell the truth and appear like we are trying to make our children hate the other parent, or do we suffer in silence? The current laws will never be upheld or changed if we do not tell our story. If we tell our story, we can be looked upon as another alienating parent. For the record, the counselor has stated for me to let it go and to let our son figure it out. My point: impeach the credibility.
What do you think?
I know it has been some time since I have posted. I have been stressed in many areas of my life. Work, extended family and the end of legal battle for my son, has taken a toil on me. I have been trying to decide which avenue I take next. Do I continue this blog anonymously, or do I start posting some of my story? My intention is not to discredit the father of our son, but to post some of the court documents that show or perhaps prove that the family court of law is messed up. Of course, if I choose to post documents, the father of our son will not appear as a man of honor, or the man that our son thought he was. This could also cause the family courts to be exposed as well.
I think this is what every target parent faces. Do we tell the truth and appear like we are trying to make our children hate the other parent, or do we suffer in silence? The current laws will never be upheld or changed if we do not tell our story. If we tell our story, we can be looked upon as another alienating parent. For the record, the counselor has stated for me to let it go and to let our son figure it out. My point: impeach the credibility.
What do you think?
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Moms
I am sure we have all seen versions of this email circulating the Internet. I copied and pasted a portion of it. You can substitute the word Dad for Mom in this as well. The point is children naturally progress through these stages. In parental alienation, the target parents only hope this progression does happen.
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that,either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
75 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that,either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
75 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Just an update
I figured I better update this blog so I do not lose any followers. I have not died, I have not forgotten about parental alienation, I have not stopped thinking about entries that I can post. What has happened is that I am angry right now about some personal issues in my own alienation case and have not been able to post. I am not of any help to anyone, if I can not overcome my own anger and place my writings into something constructive.
I have been very careful in my writings, or so I think, that I do not identify my case. Right now, I fear that if I post my feelings, I will write something that identifies my case, my son or my ex. I have tried to be respectful of that. I am not sure if I should post the details of my case. If I did, I would have to post documents, pictures and files.
What are your feelings or thoughts about this?
I have been very careful in my writings, or so I think, that I do not identify my case. Right now, I fear that if I post my feelings, I will write something that identifies my case, my son or my ex. I have tried to be respectful of that. I am not sure if I should post the details of my case. If I did, I would have to post documents, pictures and files.
What are your feelings or thoughts about this?
Friday, April 17, 2009
I Dreamed a Dream
What does this video have to do with parental alienation? Not a thing! I think you should watch the video and then read how I attempt to tie this in to my thoughts for the day.
I would like to include the lyrics to the song that she sang.
There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...
I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.
But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.
He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!
And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...
Although the lyrics seem somewhat dark and seem to bash men, I would like to somehow attempt to tie this into the lives that target parents live, albeit target parents are both fathers and mothers. Target parents live a life of a broken dream. Their marriage failed and the spouse that shared their dreams of children now refuse to allow the contact. We dreamed that our marriage would last forever, we would watch our children grow and develop into adults together and enjoy the next generation of our lives. Those ideas are now just dreams that we pray to God to allow us to have. Many parents do not have the opportunity to watch these dreams. We long for the contact with our children, we wonder and worry.
What struck me about this video was the unassuming presence of the singer. It is obvious by watching the expressions of the judges and the people that the camera focuses in at the beginning of the video. The singer looked shy and very out of place as she walked onto the stage. Then she started to sing. If you are a fan of American Idol, many are aware that Simon Cowell does not show favorable expressions and can be quite mean in his commentaries. The smile that came over his face was priceless. ( Simon, you have a great smile!) The audience was on their feet. I would imagine that anyone who ran into this singer never gave her a second look. They were not aware of her potential. They may have even had some prejudiced opinions of her as well. Target parents are the same. You can encounter a target parent and never know. They may attempt to tell the story, but one may not be interested. It is when that one voice that grabs the attention of the masses, that will be when everyone else will take notice about parental alienation.
I had a dream...it was the dream that no child will ever have to make a choice about which parent they can love...they will be free to love both of them without fear of punishment...the courts will recognize the damage that alienation of the love and affection of parent by the means of a selfish parent will stop. I dream that this living hell will end!
HD link with subtitles worth watching to this video!
Not sure about your thoughts, but I came away with an appreciation for the "underdog" and was in tears.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I would like to include the lyrics to the song that she sang.
There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...
I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.
But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.
He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!
And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...
Although the lyrics seem somewhat dark and seem to bash men, I would like to somehow attempt to tie this into the lives that target parents live, albeit target parents are both fathers and mothers. Target parents live a life of a broken dream. Their marriage failed and the spouse that shared their dreams of children now refuse to allow the contact. We dreamed that our marriage would last forever, we would watch our children grow and develop into adults together and enjoy the next generation of our lives. Those ideas are now just dreams that we pray to God to allow us to have. Many parents do not have the opportunity to watch these dreams. We long for the contact with our children, we wonder and worry.
What struck me about this video was the unassuming presence of the singer. It is obvious by watching the expressions of the judges and the people that the camera focuses in at the beginning of the video. The singer looked shy and very out of place as she walked onto the stage. Then she started to sing. If you are a fan of American Idol, many are aware that Simon Cowell does not show favorable expressions and can be quite mean in his commentaries. The smile that came over his face was priceless. ( Simon, you have a great smile!) The audience was on their feet. I would imagine that anyone who ran into this singer never gave her a second look. They were not aware of her potential. They may have even had some prejudiced opinions of her as well. Target parents are the same. You can encounter a target parent and never know. They may attempt to tell the story, but one may not be interested. It is when that one voice that grabs the attention of the masses, that will be when everyone else will take notice about parental alienation.
I had a dream...it was the dream that no child will ever have to make a choice about which parent they can love...they will be free to love both of them without fear of punishment...the courts will recognize the damage that alienation of the love and affection of parent by the means of a selfish parent will stop. I dream that this living hell will end!
HD link with subtitles worth watching to this video!
Not sure about your thoughts, but I came away with an appreciation for the "underdog" and was in tears.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, April 05, 2009
I have not quit posting
I have not quit posting on my blog. I have taken a break from dealing with parental alienation and have been spending time for myself. Some may call it selfish, but as a target parent, I need a break. This allows me time to focus on myself and to better myself as well. This will make me stronger to deal with the long term effects that parental alienation has.
I have not stopped thinking about what my next post will be, but it allows me clarity when I make my next post.
Please stay tuned for my next post, which I hope I will make in the next few days.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I have not stopped thinking about what my next post will be, but it allows me clarity when I make my next post.
Please stay tuned for my next post, which I hope I will make in the next few days.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, March 08, 2009
more opinions about the PAS does not exist
I see I will have to write things that I wished I did not have to write, but I hope that it gives those that read this blog a better understanding of my opinions about parental alienation.
I grew up in what many call today a strict home. You went to school, you were expected to bring home grades according to your ability and pushed to achieved better, you went to church, you participated in the community, you were respectful to adults, you respected your parents authority, you knew you would be punished at school and then at home if you did anything wrong, you did not call adults by their first name, and I could go on.
I remember a few things about my childhood, such as family trips, spending time with my grandparents, going to church when I did not want to, getting grounded for bad grades and more.
One thing that does stick in my mind was when my parents were having a bad patch in their marriage. I remember my dad getting mad at my mother and yelling. I remember being packed up to go to our grandmothers' home to spend the night. I remember having to sleep on a small bed with my brother and remember not sleeping that night as well. I remember my mom saying our dad was mean and other things. I remember hating my dad that night because I could not sleep in my bed and had to stay at my grandmother's home. I loved my grandmother and enjoyed staying with her, but I did not like it this way.
Why did I hate my dad that night? Was it because I remember him yelling at my mom or was it because my mom "helped" me remember more things about my dad?
As I got older, I remember my mom complaining about my dad. He was mean, he beat her, he cheated on her. Mind you, I never saw him beat her or cheat on her and from what I knew of my dad, he was not the cheating type. Of course I could be wrong as well. Did he yell? Sure! Do I yell at times? Sure! Does that mean we abuse people? Raising my voice in frustration does not make me an abuser. Raising my voice, not knowing when to quit and taking that frustration and using swear words and using physical violence makes me abusive, but this I never did, nor did I see my dad do this.
The more my mom talked about divorcing my dad, the more I realized she was wanting me to hate him along with her. It was the "two against one" theory. I didn't hate my dad and even if he did all these bad things, I did not want to know about them. I just wanted to have my dad.
As I grew older and got out on my own and had my own interpersonal relationships, I started to realize that perhaps my mother was very controlling. She was protective as well, but where does that protective trait and controlling trait overlap? Was she trying to protect me from an abusive father or was she controlling my thoughts? I would later realize that my father was not the man she made him out to be. I would also suspect that perhaps my mom suffered from some personality disorder as well. I could not prove this, I could only surmise this from reading.
Bottom line is that I love both my parents, they have faults as well. I dislike that my mom tried to persuade me to hate my dad. They are both still my mom and dad though and I love both of them.
For parents that think they are protecting their children from abuse, when it actually is a control issue, be advised...children see things and remember things. I do not like what my ex did to me during our marriage and after, but that does not mean he is not the father of our son. Our son will still love both parents, we are the ones that made it possible for him to be here.
Stop trying to place your children in the middle of your own cause and let them be children who can love both parents. Let them grow up to decide for themselves. Your influence may very well backfire on you.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I grew up in what many call today a strict home. You went to school, you were expected to bring home grades according to your ability and pushed to achieved better, you went to church, you participated in the community, you were respectful to adults, you respected your parents authority, you knew you would be punished at school and then at home if you did anything wrong, you did not call adults by their first name, and I could go on.
I remember a few things about my childhood, such as family trips, spending time with my grandparents, going to church when I did not want to, getting grounded for bad grades and more.
One thing that does stick in my mind was when my parents were having a bad patch in their marriage. I remember my dad getting mad at my mother and yelling. I remember being packed up to go to our grandmothers' home to spend the night. I remember having to sleep on a small bed with my brother and remember not sleeping that night as well. I remember my mom saying our dad was mean and other things. I remember hating my dad that night because I could not sleep in my bed and had to stay at my grandmother's home. I loved my grandmother and enjoyed staying with her, but I did not like it this way.
Why did I hate my dad that night? Was it because I remember him yelling at my mom or was it because my mom "helped" me remember more things about my dad?
As I got older, I remember my mom complaining about my dad. He was mean, he beat her, he cheated on her. Mind you, I never saw him beat her or cheat on her and from what I knew of my dad, he was not the cheating type. Of course I could be wrong as well. Did he yell? Sure! Do I yell at times? Sure! Does that mean we abuse people? Raising my voice in frustration does not make me an abuser. Raising my voice, not knowing when to quit and taking that frustration and using swear words and using physical violence makes me abusive, but this I never did, nor did I see my dad do this.
The more my mom talked about divorcing my dad, the more I realized she was wanting me to hate him along with her. It was the "two against one" theory. I didn't hate my dad and even if he did all these bad things, I did not want to know about them. I just wanted to have my dad.
As I grew older and got out on my own and had my own interpersonal relationships, I started to realize that perhaps my mother was very controlling. She was protective as well, but where does that protective trait and controlling trait overlap? Was she trying to protect me from an abusive father or was she controlling my thoughts? I would later realize that my father was not the man she made him out to be. I would also suspect that perhaps my mom suffered from some personality disorder as well. I could not prove this, I could only surmise this from reading.
Bottom line is that I love both my parents, they have faults as well. I dislike that my mom tried to persuade me to hate my dad. They are both still my mom and dad though and I love both of them.
For parents that think they are protecting their children from abuse, when it actually is a control issue, be advised...children see things and remember things. I do not like what my ex did to me during our marriage and after, but that does not mean he is not the father of our son. Our son will still love both parents, we are the ones that made it possible for him to be here.
Stop trying to place your children in the middle of your own cause and let them be children who can love both parents. Let them grow up to decide for themselves. Your influence may very well backfire on you.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
