Friday, August 28, 2009

Missed the 1500 day mark

So today, August 28, 2009 is day 1503 that my son has not said that he loved me. I guess after some time, you miss these milestones. Just for the record1503 days = 4.11507763 years.

Things will change! I know it, I just have to keep doing what I do. Love my son and let him know that.

what can be done to stop parental alienation?

Question: What can be done to stop parental alienation?
Answer: That is a difficult question to answer, because everyone has their own ideas, but no one seems to care, except for those affected by this abuse.

Perhaps, that is a harsh answer, but it seems to be the reality of this abuse that happens to children.

Children being left in cars in the scorching heat, children being approached by a pedophile, children being killed all gather headlines and rightfully so. These are abuses and of the worst physical kind. There are headlines about children being kidnapped by the other parent, but the emphasis is not on the emotional abuse that the child experiences by being denied the other parent. The emphasis is either on the abuse that is "alleged" that lead to the parental kidnapping, or how tragic it will be that the child may be "forced" to return to the other parent. I do not deny that some parents take their children in what they consider a "good faith" attempt to protect their children from abuse, BUT these parents also do not realize that denying a child knowledge to the other parent is also abuse.

Some may question my views on this. Most that have experienced a divorce, "knows" that the other person is whatever words one can use to describe a terrible person. Sure, they have cheated, lied, abused you, etc, but they still are the person you selected as your spouse and was the other parent. Now suddenely they are not worthy of love from a child or children you conceived together? This makes no sense to me.

So what to do about the system that does not care about these children subjected to this type of abuse? Make new laws against this crime? This sounds good in theory, but the sad fact remains that the current laws or suggestions are not enforced and there is no punishment for the willful and direct violation of these.

Every parenting plan that I have seen has some statements such as:
The willingness and ability of each of the parents to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent, consistent with the bests interests of the child;
The following are the rights of a parent during those times when the child is not in the care of that parent.
That parent has the right:

To be free of derogatory remarks made about such parent or such parent's family by the other parent to or in the presence of the child;
To unimpeded telephone conversations with the child at least twice each week at reasonable times and for a reasonable duration;

Of course there are several more suggestions, but any target parent can tell you that these basic rights above are rarley followed and that the "system" does not punish either for these so called violations.

So are new laws needed? Yes perhaps, but FIRST the current suggestions need to be followed with some form of punishment for the parent that disregards them. Until then, this emotional abuse of children caught in the crossfire of divorces will continue. There can be all sort of laws, but if the basic rights of parents are not encouraged and followed, then all the laws on the books mean absolutely nothing. If a parent is not punished for disreagreding a child's need to know and love both parents without prejudice, all the laws on the books is futile.

I urge everyone that has experienced parental alienation to speak out. Tell your story!

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Saturday, August 01, 2009

My thoughts for the day

I have taken a break from posting, as many of my followers are aware. During this time, I have been sitting back listening to people talk and thinking about what they have said. One thing, I have noticed is the way things were said.

Two examples I would like to mention are two people that are divorced and they had children with their spouses. One person is male and the other is female. I attempt to be fair minded and have always stated that parental alienation is not gender based. The male hates his ex wife with all his being. He can not say one word nice about her. The female hates her ex with all her being and also can not say one word nice about him. When I mention that they had children, both claim what a jerk the spouse was and how they do not matter. I also heard that the children do not like the other parent. If asked why, the answer is because they saw what a jerk the spouse was. They both were quick to point out all the faults of the ex spouse, without my questioning them. They also state how much better the children would be without having contact with the other parent.

This is the behavior that makes me sick. I do not like what my ex did to me, but he and I did have a child together and at one time shared loving feelings. I can trash talk him with the rest, but I also can find some nice things to say about him as well. He cannot return the favor and neither can the two that I wrote about either.

When a parent has such hatred in their hearts for the other parent, it affects their ability to be a good parent. They constantly look for opportunities to plant the seeds of hatred about the other parent. When a parent cannot have the interests of their children above their own, they are selfish.

If you encounter parents that are attempting to plant seeds of hatred about their ex, realize that there are two sides to every story. I would also wonder what the motive was as well.

This is how parental alienation works. Deep seated hatred for the ex, followed by multiple stories that sway you to believe their story and acceptance that the child is better off without the other parent in their life. While the parent works on gathering their army of believers, the child is already enmeshed and telling stories as well.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!