First of all, I need to apologize for my absence in keeping this blog up to date. It is not for lack of ideas and thoughts to write about, but my poor time management into organizing constructive posts. I also have had other obligations that have taken precedence. I will touch on those later, hopefully today.
Through my own experiences with parental alienation and with listening with other people's experiences, I seem to have become either very hypersensitive to many things that people say and do. Am I just angry that I am a target parent, or am I on to something? I would suspect a bit of both. We have interactions with people on a daily basis. Some of those interactions are pleasant and others not. Some people have a bad day and complain about what is bothering them and others complain about every little thing. Then there are those that explain in detail about their bad marriage and custody fight that took place 20 or more years ago. Quite frankly, I am sick and tired of hearing how he beat her up and was mean. I got the message the first 10 times you told that story. That is the type of person I am talking about. The one that can not let go, has to keep telling you the "story" over and over. The one that "knows" that the new person someone is dating is just like her ex, she knows the type and more. Then the next thing you know, everyone is convinced that the new friend is a stalker, a possible kidnapper and obviously up to no good. What I am trying to illustrate is that one person can convince others that something sinister is taking place. Their concern and own ideas convince others of something that is not even taking place.
When one hears the term parental alienation or custodial interference, many do not understand or if they think they do, just pass it off as a phase. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me "it's just a phase" that my son was going through, I could be rich. Well, I am not rich and it was not a phase, but no one seemed to care, except those very close to me and others that actually understood and experienced parental alienation first hand.
Parental alienation is abuse....it is made up stories to make the other parent look good to the courts, to their friends and to hopefully win them custody. Unfortunately, the courts do not take this seriously, or if they do, many times their hands are tied. If there are laws regarding parenting time, the laws are not enforced. If they are enforced, the punishment is lax. Therefore the cycle continues and the courts and judges fail to recognize this as abuse.
Until parental alienation, custodial interference and parenting time interference are recognized as abuse, then nothing will change.
Parental Alienation is ABUSE! STOP THE ABUSE!
Showing posts with label parental alienation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parental alienation. Show all posts
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A Christmas Miracle for a NJ father?
Christmas is to be a special time, filled with good will for others and small miracles. Could David Goldman have gotten a miracle this Christmas? I sure hope so!
If you have not read the story about David Goldman, he is the New Jersey father who has been fighting an international custody issue for the last five years. His son, Sean, is now 9 years old. In June of 2004, Mr. Goldman drove his son, his wife and his wife's parents to the airport for a planned two week vacation to Mrs. Goldman's native Brazil. When she arrived in Brazil, Mr. Goldman states that she called saying the marriage was over and if he ever wanted contact with his son again, he had to sign over custody to her.
If that does not sound very calculated, manipulative and a case of extortion, I don't know what does. These are the very same methods that alienating parents use to gain control.
Mr. Goldman's wife, then gained a divorce in the courts of Brazil and remarried. She later passed away while giving birth in 2008. Mr. Goldman states that he was not notified by his ex in-laws or by her new husband, but happened upon this information by friends that were helping him gain custody back of his son. This is a tragic loss for Sean. He lost his mother, and perhaps thinking that he will return to his father, his extended family in Brazil is now participating in further alienating him from his father.
Mr. Goldman has been fighting to regain custody of his son and has been blocked by many underhanded maneuvers. On Decemeber 21st, 2009, he received word that Brazil's top judge ruled in Mr. Goldman's favor and ordered that his son be returned to him.
Let us all hope and pray that Mr. Goldman has received his Christmas Miracle and that he and his son are reunited.
You can find the news story on MSNBC.COM and other news sites. Mr. Goldman has a website and you can read what he has written here.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the abuse!
If you have not read the story about David Goldman, he is the New Jersey father who has been fighting an international custody issue for the last five years. His son, Sean, is now 9 years old. In June of 2004, Mr. Goldman drove his son, his wife and his wife's parents to the airport for a planned two week vacation to Mrs. Goldman's native Brazil. When she arrived in Brazil, Mr. Goldman states that she called saying the marriage was over and if he ever wanted contact with his son again, he had to sign over custody to her.
If that does not sound very calculated, manipulative and a case of extortion, I don't know what does. These are the very same methods that alienating parents use to gain control.
Mr. Goldman's wife, then gained a divorce in the courts of Brazil and remarried. She later passed away while giving birth in 2008. Mr. Goldman states that he was not notified by his ex in-laws or by her new husband, but happened upon this information by friends that were helping him gain custody back of his son. This is a tragic loss for Sean. He lost his mother, and perhaps thinking that he will return to his father, his extended family in Brazil is now participating in further alienating him from his father.
Mr. Goldman has been fighting to regain custody of his son and has been blocked by many underhanded maneuvers. On Decemeber 21st, 2009, he received word that Brazil's top judge ruled in Mr. Goldman's favor and ordered that his son be returned to him.
Let us all hope and pray that Mr. Goldman has received his Christmas Miracle and that he and his son are reunited.
You can find the news story on MSNBC.COM and other news sites. Mr. Goldman has a website and you can read what he has written here.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the abuse!
You have nothing to be ashmed of
If you are the target parent experiencing parental alienation, YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. I know that when I first learned about parental alienation first hand because I was being targeted, I was ashamed to talk about it. In my mind and from what we learn what is socially acceptable, mothers do not lose custody, they do not give up custody and mothers do not have children that despise every breath they take. Please do not misinterpret my words of socially acceptable to mean that it was accepted that fathers were hated by their children and it was expected that they lose custody and society accepted that.
For any parent that once shared a close bond with their children and now find themselves separated from their children and hated by them, through no actions of their own, you are not alone and you should not feel ashamed. I know that I once was ashamed, because how did it look to outsiders that my son hated me. My son and I shared a very close bond. We went to the zoo, went to museums, colored pictures together, read stories together, drove around at Christmas finding all the pretty lights, went on picnics and more. Everyone that knew me, knew that my son was with me if they saw me out. Then I became the target in the crime of parental alienation. My life as I knew it would forever be changed. No one understood how my child could hate me. It was a phase I was told. This was more than a phase, it was abuse to my son. I also got the looks that if I was accused of child abuse and other heinous allegations then there must be some truth to it. I could not talk about what was happening to anyone for many reasons. I did not understand myself what was happening and I found it difficult to explain. My child loving me yesterday and now hates me today is so foreign for anyone to understand. I, myself, could not understand how overnight everything changed. How could anyone else? Perhaps I did contribute to this, but how?
After I found out that there is a name to this hatred and abuse, I read everything I could read about it. Parental alienation was a foreign word to me and I read a lot about it. I would come to the conclusion that parental alienation has existed for a long time, even before it was given a name.
One of the most difficult things I read concerning parental alienation was the letting go part. Letting go to me, meant that I gave up on my son and I accepted that I may never have him back. I could not read that chapter without the tears flowing. The words became so blurred and I was not reading the message, I was only seeing what I thought it meant. I may be wrong, but I think letting go means letting go of the deep seated hurt that fuels one self to tell their side of the story. For me this meant, I wanted so much for my son to know both sides of the story. I did not do these heinous acts that I was accused of, I had documentation of acts that his father did and dammit, why? Letting go has taken on a different meaning for me now. It means having the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. I cannot change what my son's father says about me or what he does to forbid access of our son to me. I can either live my life or dwell upon the past. I can also take solitude in the fact that children want to love both parents and I support that. When children mature or face a similar obstacle, they may come to that realization as well. I have read that children who are victims of parental alienation, do not want to know the story or the truth. They just want to love both parents without conditions placed upon them. Target parents are the ones that have loved their children unconditionally.
So if you are a target parent, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Read books about parental alienation, talk about your situation to others that are experiencing the same thing and continue to live. You are stronger than you think you are.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
For any parent that once shared a close bond with their children and now find themselves separated from their children and hated by them, through no actions of their own, you are not alone and you should not feel ashamed. I know that I once was ashamed, because how did it look to outsiders that my son hated me. My son and I shared a very close bond. We went to the zoo, went to museums, colored pictures together, read stories together, drove around at Christmas finding all the pretty lights, went on picnics and more. Everyone that knew me, knew that my son was with me if they saw me out. Then I became the target in the crime of parental alienation. My life as I knew it would forever be changed. No one understood how my child could hate me. It was a phase I was told. This was more than a phase, it was abuse to my son. I also got the looks that if I was accused of child abuse and other heinous allegations then there must be some truth to it. I could not talk about what was happening to anyone for many reasons. I did not understand myself what was happening and I found it difficult to explain. My child loving me yesterday and now hates me today is so foreign for anyone to understand. I, myself, could not understand how overnight everything changed. How could anyone else? Perhaps I did contribute to this, but how?
After I found out that there is a name to this hatred and abuse, I read everything I could read about it. Parental alienation was a foreign word to me and I read a lot about it. I would come to the conclusion that parental alienation has existed for a long time, even before it was given a name.
One of the most difficult things I read concerning parental alienation was the letting go part. Letting go to me, meant that I gave up on my son and I accepted that I may never have him back. I could not read that chapter without the tears flowing. The words became so blurred and I was not reading the message, I was only seeing what I thought it meant. I may be wrong, but I think letting go means letting go of the deep seated hurt that fuels one self to tell their side of the story. For me this meant, I wanted so much for my son to know both sides of the story. I did not do these heinous acts that I was accused of, I had documentation of acts that his father did and dammit, why? Letting go has taken on a different meaning for me now. It means having the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. I cannot change what my son's father says about me or what he does to forbid access of our son to me. I can either live my life or dwell upon the past. I can also take solitude in the fact that children want to love both parents and I support that. When children mature or face a similar obstacle, they may come to that realization as well. I have read that children who are victims of parental alienation, do not want to know the story or the truth. They just want to love both parents without conditions placed upon them. Target parents are the ones that have loved their children unconditionally.
So if you are a target parent, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Read books about parental alienation, talk about your situation to others that are experiencing the same thing and continue to live. You are stronger than you think you are.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Never give up!
I came upon this poem about perseverance and I think that every target should read this and think about it:
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
As a target parent and from talking with other target parents, I understand the feeling of wanting to quit. You want to throw your hands up, wave the white surrender flag, snap your fingers and have the time turn back to when things were normal with your children. You are tired, exhausted emotionally, strained physically and financially ruined. You have spent so much time, energy and money and you are no closer to your children. You may think that waiting until they are older and they have some maturity that perhaps they will seek you out. This can and does happen sometimes, but are you willing to gamble with this idea?
I understand that it is difficult to continue to extend the hand of communication and contact when all you get in return is hatred. Everyone wants some positive reinforcement for their efforts. I understand the thought of "why bother". Your children are depending upon you to be there and I understand that they may not be demonstrating that. In fact they are resisting your efforts and doing everything they can to push you away. I do believe that deep down, they do not want you to push away.
I suggest that if you have not read this book, that you read it. I think you will gain a new perspective and hope on your situation. You can click the link and it will take you to Amazon.com where you can purchase this book.
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
Never give up! I would like to share some quotes with you and I hope that they make a difference.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the abuse!
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
As a target parent and from talking with other target parents, I understand the feeling of wanting to quit. You want to throw your hands up, wave the white surrender flag, snap your fingers and have the time turn back to when things were normal with your children. You are tired, exhausted emotionally, strained physically and financially ruined. You have spent so much time, energy and money and you are no closer to your children. You may think that waiting until they are older and they have some maturity that perhaps they will seek you out. This can and does happen sometimes, but are you willing to gamble with this idea?
I understand that it is difficult to continue to extend the hand of communication and contact when all you get in return is hatred. Everyone wants some positive reinforcement for their efforts. I understand the thought of "why bother". Your children are depending upon you to be there and I understand that they may not be demonstrating that. In fact they are resisting your efforts and doing everything they can to push you away. I do believe that deep down, they do not want you to push away.
I suggest that if you have not read this book, that you read it. I think you will gain a new perspective and hope on your situation. You can click the link and it will take you to Amazon.com where you can purchase this book.
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
Never give up! I would like to share some quotes with you and I hope that they make a difference.
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."
"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up."
"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity. "
"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."
"Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about."
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
It's the holidays again ...Oh great
Thanksgiving MySpace Comments
The holiday season is starting again and this is a time that target parents can really feel the loss of not being able to spend the time with their children. While we spend our holiday eating a wonderful meal and giving thanks, we are not able to spend the time with the ones that we so dearly miss, love and care about. It is a void that no one seems to understand.
As I am thankful to have a beautiful child, supportive friends and followers of this blog, I am still human and have feelings. I still get down when the holidays come around because I know I will not be able to spend any time with my son. I get down, because he would sneak off to text message his father several times a day at one point, but can not "sneak" off now to send me a text message.
But this is not about me, it is about you and other target parents and how we can come together and be heard.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
You pick....Left or right
I am irritated today. I have read some stories, read some blogs, read some emails. It all boils down to the same thing. One parent trying to one up the other by denying the other parent parenting time with the other. Oh "he is an asshole", oh "she is a bitch". Throw in some accustions of abuse in there and it takes on a whole new twist. He said, she said. No wonder judges throw up their hands in these cases many times.
Let me put it this way. For those of you who read this blog, those who stumble upon it and to the others, think about some things. You and your ex had a child. While married everything was fine, may have been fine, but somehow your children loved both of you. I do not care what you claim now, but it did happen....your children loved both of you.
Now you are divorcing, or you are divorced, and you are in this custody battle and now one parent pits the other against the other asking and demanding the children to make their choice. It is me or the other parent.
So to you parents using your children as pawns to "win" custody, let me ask you to pick. As parents, together you made this child. That child is half of both of you. You pick which side of the child you like better...the right side or the left side.
It sounds absurb and stupid. No more than what you are asking your children to do. How can you love your children and hate your ex when our children are half of the ex we claim to hate. So is it the right side or left side of your children that you hate? Hate your ex, deny them access, you have to hate one side of your children. You pick.
In the end all this nit picking about issues does not matter. All this money, time and energy spent trying to win does not matter. What matters is our children. We love them faults and all. Why can't our children love parents faults and all?
Think about it!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Let me put it this way. For those of you who read this blog, those who stumble upon it and to the others, think about some things. You and your ex had a child. While married everything was fine, may have been fine, but somehow your children loved both of you. I do not care what you claim now, but it did happen....your children loved both of you.
Now you are divorcing, or you are divorced, and you are in this custody battle and now one parent pits the other against the other asking and demanding the children to make their choice. It is me or the other parent.
So to you parents using your children as pawns to "win" custody, let me ask you to pick. As parents, together you made this child. That child is half of both of you. You pick which side of the child you like better...the right side or the left side.
It sounds absurb and stupid. No more than what you are asking your children to do. How can you love your children and hate your ex when our children are half of the ex we claim to hate. So is it the right side or left side of your children that you hate? Hate your ex, deny them access, you have to hate one side of your children. You pick.
In the end all this nit picking about issues does not matter. All this money, time and energy spent trying to win does not matter. What matters is our children. We love them faults and all. Why can't our children love parents faults and all?
Think about it!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
What does love have to do with it?
Today while researching some quotes I came across one that everyone has seen or read before. I read it and thought how profound it is.
"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with"
How does this relate to target parents and alienated children? As target parents we have to find the time to let go. As alienated children, they may feel they have been set free. What if they never return to us? What if they do?
I truly believe that the children that have been alienated against the target parent will someday return. Target parents have to keep the hope, faith and belief that they will. They must also maintain or attempt to maintain contact as well.
If you are a target parent, keep hoping, praying, believing and doing everything you can, even though you feel it will get you nowhere. Send cards, keep a copy for your records. Take notes and make a journal of your contact, Write your thoughts down. I do believe that one day, your child or children will read it and realize.
Never give up hope!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with"
How does this relate to target parents and alienated children? As target parents we have to find the time to let go. As alienated children, they may feel they have been set free. What if they never return to us? What if they do?
I truly believe that the children that have been alienated against the target parent will someday return. Target parents have to keep the hope, faith and belief that they will. They must also maintain or attempt to maintain contact as well.
If you are a target parent, keep hoping, praying, believing and doing everything you can, even though you feel it will get you nowhere. Send cards, keep a copy for your records. Take notes and make a journal of your contact, Write your thoughts down. I do believe that one day, your child or children will read it and realize.
Never give up hope!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Friday, August 28, 2009
what can be done to stop parental alienation?
Question: What can be done to stop parental alienation?
Answer: That is a difficult question to answer, because everyone has their own ideas, but no one seems to care, except for those affected by this abuse.
Perhaps, that is a harsh answer, but it seems to be the reality of this abuse that happens to children.
Children being left in cars in the scorching heat, children being approached by a pedophile, children being killed all gather headlines and rightfully so. These are abuses and of the worst physical kind. There are headlines about children being kidnapped by the other parent, but the emphasis is not on the emotional abuse that the child experiences by being denied the other parent. The emphasis is either on the abuse that is "alleged" that lead to the parental kidnapping, or how tragic it will be that the child may be "forced" to return to the other parent. I do not deny that some parents take their children in what they consider a "good faith" attempt to protect their children from abuse, BUT these parents also do not realize that denying a child knowledge to the other parent is also abuse.
Some may question my views on this. Most that have experienced a divorce, "knows" that the other person is whatever words one can use to describe a terrible person. Sure, they have cheated, lied, abused you, etc, but they still are the person you selected as your spouse and was the other parent. Now suddenely they are not worthy of love from a child or children you conceived together? This makes no sense to me.
So what to do about the system that does not care about these children subjected to this type of abuse? Make new laws against this crime? This sounds good in theory, but the sad fact remains that the current laws or suggestions are not enforced and there is no punishment for the willful and direct violation of these.
Every parenting plan that I have seen has some statements such as:
The willingness and ability of each of the parents to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent, consistent with the bests interests of the child;
The following are the rights of a parent during those times when the child is not in the care of that parent.
That parent has the right:
To be free of derogatory remarks made about such parent or such parent's family by the other parent to or in the presence of the child;
To unimpeded telephone conversations with the child at least twice each week at reasonable times and for a reasonable duration;
Of course there are several more suggestions, but any target parent can tell you that these basic rights above are rarley followed and that the "system" does not punish either for these so called violations.
So are new laws needed? Yes perhaps, but FIRST the current suggestions need to be followed with some form of punishment for the parent that disregards them. Until then, this emotional abuse of children caught in the crossfire of divorces will continue. There can be all sort of laws, but if the basic rights of parents are not encouraged and followed, then all the laws on the books mean absolutely nothing. If a parent is not punished for disreagreding a child's need to know and love both parents without prejudice, all the laws on the books is futile.
I urge everyone that has experienced parental alienation to speak out. Tell your story!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Answer: That is a difficult question to answer, because everyone has their own ideas, but no one seems to care, except for those affected by this abuse.
Perhaps, that is a harsh answer, but it seems to be the reality of this abuse that happens to children.
Children being left in cars in the scorching heat, children being approached by a pedophile, children being killed all gather headlines and rightfully so. These are abuses and of the worst physical kind. There are headlines about children being kidnapped by the other parent, but the emphasis is not on the emotional abuse that the child experiences by being denied the other parent. The emphasis is either on the abuse that is "alleged" that lead to the parental kidnapping, or how tragic it will be that the child may be "forced" to return to the other parent. I do not deny that some parents take their children in what they consider a "good faith" attempt to protect their children from abuse, BUT these parents also do not realize that denying a child knowledge to the other parent is also abuse.
Some may question my views on this. Most that have experienced a divorce, "knows" that the other person is whatever words one can use to describe a terrible person. Sure, they have cheated, lied, abused you, etc, but they still are the person you selected as your spouse and was the other parent. Now suddenely they are not worthy of love from a child or children you conceived together? This makes no sense to me.
So what to do about the system that does not care about these children subjected to this type of abuse? Make new laws against this crime? This sounds good in theory, but the sad fact remains that the current laws or suggestions are not enforced and there is no punishment for the willful and direct violation of these.
Every parenting plan that I have seen has some statements such as:
The willingness and ability of each of the parents to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent, consistent with the bests interests of the child;
The following are the rights of a parent during those times when the child is not in the care of that parent.
That parent has the right:
To be free of derogatory remarks made about such parent or such parent's family by the other parent to or in the presence of the child;
To unimpeded telephone conversations with the child at least twice each week at reasonable times and for a reasonable duration;
Of course there are several more suggestions, but any target parent can tell you that these basic rights above are rarley followed and that the "system" does not punish either for these so called violations.
So are new laws needed? Yes perhaps, but FIRST the current suggestions need to be followed with some form of punishment for the parent that disregards them. Until then, this emotional abuse of children caught in the crossfire of divorces will continue. There can be all sort of laws, but if the basic rights of parents are not encouraged and followed, then all the laws on the books mean absolutely nothing. If a parent is not punished for disreagreding a child's need to know and love both parents without prejudice, all the laws on the books is futile.
I urge everyone that has experienced parental alienation to speak out. Tell your story!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Hello and a quick post
Hello to everyone!
I am working on a few posts, that I hope to get published soon.
As we near the 4th of July and the celebration of Independence Day, I can only hope that those that are held hostage by the means of parental alienation can somehow find some liberation.
The more that I sit back, reflect and ponder, I have come to realize that parental alienation is a continuation of domestic violence, a control issue and it is most definitely child abuse. I disagree with the groups that want to so call protect their children from the abuse by denying them the knowledge and association with the other parent. Children will seek out these things as they get older and if this so called abuse was a dreamed up idea by a parent as a means to control, the children will figure this out one day. I am sorry if you disagree, but two people made this child and this child has the right to know both parents, no matter the alleged adults feelings towards each other. I have also written that the laws need to change. I agree they need to change, but FIRST the current laws need to be enforced.
I hope to be able to touch on these subjects in my following posts.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the Abuse!
I am working on a few posts, that I hope to get published soon.
As we near the 4th of July and the celebration of Independence Day, I can only hope that those that are held hostage by the means of parental alienation can somehow find some liberation.
The more that I sit back, reflect and ponder, I have come to realize that parental alienation is a continuation of domestic violence, a control issue and it is most definitely child abuse. I disagree with the groups that want to so call protect their children from the abuse by denying them the knowledge and association with the other parent. Children will seek out these things as they get older and if this so called abuse was a dreamed up idea by a parent as a means to control, the children will figure this out one day. I am sorry if you disagree, but two people made this child and this child has the right to know both parents, no matter the alleged adults feelings towards each other. I have also written that the laws need to change. I agree they need to change, but FIRST the current laws need to be enforced.
I hope to be able to touch on these subjects in my following posts.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the Abuse!
Friday, June 12, 2009
My thoughts for the day
I have been doing alot of thinking here lately. How to proceed to "tell my story", what to write about and how to go on with life with that empty hole that parental alienation leaves.
I recently experienced an unexpected death of a family member. It was quite a shock. It was not real until the day of the funeral. I will miss this person, but I also know that they will not be back to visit and will not have to wonder when the next time will be that I see them. A closure of sorts, I guess. In parental alienation, it is a death, but without closure. With death, you can be mad and angry that they left, but know they will never be back. You can visit them at their grave. You know the phone number you had for them is now disconnected, not because they avoid your calls, but because they are not there. With PA, you know your child is there, but refuses to answer. You worry about them and know if something happened, you may never know about it. There is no closure. Perhaps that means there is hope that they will one day see the light of truth, or mature enough to know better. You can only hope and pray that the lies they have been told, entice them to seek the truth one day.
This leads me to another thought as well. I will begin my journey into my PAS story today. First of all, I want to say there are three sides to every story out there. Her side, His side and between the two, the truth. Which party told more of the truth, is for those to figure out. There is no innocent person when it comes to parental alienation. One perpetrates knowingly and the other enables, many times unknowingly. I can refer to my story with documentation, notes, court documents, arrest records, police records and much more. I found that this diligence got me no where in the courts of law. I could impeach the credibility of my ex many times, but again it was futile. Somehow, it will eventually work out, or so I am told.
Stay tuned as I gather my thoughts for another post.
I recently experienced an unexpected death of a family member. It was quite a shock. It was not real until the day of the funeral. I will miss this person, but I also know that they will not be back to visit and will not have to wonder when the next time will be that I see them. A closure of sorts, I guess. In parental alienation, it is a death, but without closure. With death, you can be mad and angry that they left, but know they will never be back. You can visit them at their grave. You know the phone number you had for them is now disconnected, not because they avoid your calls, but because they are not there. With PA, you know your child is there, but refuses to answer. You worry about them and know if something happened, you may never know about it. There is no closure. Perhaps that means there is hope that they will one day see the light of truth, or mature enough to know better. You can only hope and pray that the lies they have been told, entice them to seek the truth one day.
This leads me to another thought as well. I will begin my journey into my PAS story today. First of all, I want to say there are three sides to every story out there. Her side, His side and between the two, the truth. Which party told more of the truth, is for those to figure out. There is no innocent person when it comes to parental alienation. One perpetrates knowingly and the other enables, many times unknowingly. I can refer to my story with documentation, notes, court documents, arrest records, police records and much more. I found that this diligence got me no where in the courts of law. I could impeach the credibility of my ex many times, but again it was futile. Somehow, it will eventually work out, or so I am told.
Stay tuned as I gather my thoughts for another post.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Back Again!
I would like to thank those that sent me emails saying they missed my posts and to those that offered words of support and wisdom. Please forgive me for not responding though. I am still taking this all in and deciding how to proceed with this blog. For the moment, I will still remain anonymous so I protect my son's identity. That is of the up most importance to me.
My lack of posting was for several reasons. I got hit with several computer viruses, malware and trojans. I attempted to save some money by "fixing" the problem myself, but I ended up having to take my computer in to the shop. An expensive lesson! Yes, I use anti viral software, but the nasty I got bypassed my settings. My other reasons for not posting were due to personal issues. I have experienced a death that hit everyone very hard. I needed to grieve this as well. My son graduated from high school and I was dealing with the difficulties associated with attending his graduation. I did attend his graduation, but felt like an intruder that night. Since that night, I have not been able to contact my son either.
Anger and bitterness, although justified, does not make for good posting.
So, I will start out again posting, perhaps slow, but with thought or so I hope.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
My lack of posting was for several reasons. I got hit with several computer viruses, malware and trojans. I attempted to save some money by "fixing" the problem myself, but I ended up having to take my computer in to the shop. An expensive lesson! Yes, I use anti viral software, but the nasty I got bypassed my settings. My other reasons for not posting were due to personal issues. I have experienced a death that hit everyone very hard. I needed to grieve this as well. My son graduated from high school and I was dealing with the difficulties associated with attending his graduation. I did attend his graduation, but felt like an intruder that night. Since that night, I have not been able to contact my son either.
Anger and bitterness, although justified, does not make for good posting.
So, I will start out again posting, perhaps slow, but with thought or so I hope.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Monday, May 25, 2009
I am back...sort of
Hello!
I know it has been some time since I have posted. I have been stressed in many areas of my life. Work, extended family and the end of legal battle for my son, has taken a toil on me. I have been trying to decide which avenue I take next. Do I continue this blog anonymously, or do I start posting some of my story? My intention is not to discredit the father of our son, but to post some of the court documents that show or perhaps prove that the family court of law is messed up. Of course, if I choose to post documents, the father of our son will not appear as a man of honor, or the man that our son thought he was. This could also cause the family courts to be exposed as well.
I think this is what every target parent faces. Do we tell the truth and appear like we are trying to make our children hate the other parent, or do we suffer in silence? The current laws will never be upheld or changed if we do not tell our story. If we tell our story, we can be looked upon as another alienating parent. For the record, the counselor has stated for me to let it go and to let our son figure it out. My point: impeach the credibility.
What do you think?
I know it has been some time since I have posted. I have been stressed in many areas of my life. Work, extended family and the end of legal battle for my son, has taken a toil on me. I have been trying to decide which avenue I take next. Do I continue this blog anonymously, or do I start posting some of my story? My intention is not to discredit the father of our son, but to post some of the court documents that show or perhaps prove that the family court of law is messed up. Of course, if I choose to post documents, the father of our son will not appear as a man of honor, or the man that our son thought he was. This could also cause the family courts to be exposed as well.
I think this is what every target parent faces. Do we tell the truth and appear like we are trying to make our children hate the other parent, or do we suffer in silence? The current laws will never be upheld or changed if we do not tell our story. If we tell our story, we can be looked upon as another alienating parent. For the record, the counselor has stated for me to let it go and to let our son figure it out. My point: impeach the credibility.
What do you think?
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Moms
I am sure we have all seen versions of this email circulating the Internet. I copied and pasted a portion of it. You can substitute the word Dad for Mom in this as well. The point is children naturally progress through these stages. In parental alienation, the target parents only hope this progression does happen.
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that,either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
75 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that,either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
75 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Just an update
I figured I better update this blog so I do not lose any followers. I have not died, I have not forgotten about parental alienation, I have not stopped thinking about entries that I can post. What has happened is that I am angry right now about some personal issues in my own alienation case and have not been able to post. I am not of any help to anyone, if I can not overcome my own anger and place my writings into something constructive.
I have been very careful in my writings, or so I think, that I do not identify my case. Right now, I fear that if I post my feelings, I will write something that identifies my case, my son or my ex. I have tried to be respectful of that. I am not sure if I should post the details of my case. If I did, I would have to post documents, pictures and files.
What are your feelings or thoughts about this?
I have been very careful in my writings, or so I think, that I do not identify my case. Right now, I fear that if I post my feelings, I will write something that identifies my case, my son or my ex. I have tried to be respectful of that. I am not sure if I should post the details of my case. If I did, I would have to post documents, pictures and files.
What are your feelings or thoughts about this?
Friday, April 17, 2009
I Dreamed a Dream
What does this video have to do with parental alienation? Not a thing! I think you should watch the video and then read how I attempt to tie this in to my thoughts for the day.
I would like to include the lyrics to the song that she sang.
There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...
I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.
But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.
He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!
And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...
Although the lyrics seem somewhat dark and seem to bash men, I would like to somehow attempt to tie this into the lives that target parents live, albeit target parents are both fathers and mothers. Target parents live a life of a broken dream. Their marriage failed and the spouse that shared their dreams of children now refuse to allow the contact. We dreamed that our marriage would last forever, we would watch our children grow and develop into adults together and enjoy the next generation of our lives. Those ideas are now just dreams that we pray to God to allow us to have. Many parents do not have the opportunity to watch these dreams. We long for the contact with our children, we wonder and worry.
What struck me about this video was the unassuming presence of the singer. It is obvious by watching the expressions of the judges and the people that the camera focuses in at the beginning of the video. The singer looked shy and very out of place as she walked onto the stage. Then she started to sing. If you are a fan of American Idol, many are aware that Simon Cowell does not show favorable expressions and can be quite mean in his commentaries. The smile that came over his face was priceless. ( Simon, you have a great smile!) The audience was on their feet. I would imagine that anyone who ran into this singer never gave her a second look. They were not aware of her potential. They may have even had some prejudiced opinions of her as well. Target parents are the same. You can encounter a target parent and never know. They may attempt to tell the story, but one may not be interested. It is when that one voice that grabs the attention of the masses, that will be when everyone else will take notice about parental alienation.
I had a dream...it was the dream that no child will ever have to make a choice about which parent they can love...they will be free to love both of them without fear of punishment...the courts will recognize the damage that alienation of the love and affection of parent by the means of a selfish parent will stop. I dream that this living hell will end!
HD link with subtitles worth watching to this video!
Not sure about your thoughts, but I came away with an appreciation for the "underdog" and was in tears.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I would like to include the lyrics to the song that she sang.
There was a time when men were kind,
And their voices were soft,
And their words inviting.
There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song was exciting.
There was a time when it all went wrong...
I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
When hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.
But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame.
He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder...
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!
And still I dream he'll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living,
So different now from what it seemed...
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...
Although the lyrics seem somewhat dark and seem to bash men, I would like to somehow attempt to tie this into the lives that target parents live, albeit target parents are both fathers and mothers. Target parents live a life of a broken dream. Their marriage failed and the spouse that shared their dreams of children now refuse to allow the contact. We dreamed that our marriage would last forever, we would watch our children grow and develop into adults together and enjoy the next generation of our lives. Those ideas are now just dreams that we pray to God to allow us to have. Many parents do not have the opportunity to watch these dreams. We long for the contact with our children, we wonder and worry.
What struck me about this video was the unassuming presence of the singer. It is obvious by watching the expressions of the judges and the people that the camera focuses in at the beginning of the video. The singer looked shy and very out of place as she walked onto the stage. Then she started to sing. If you are a fan of American Idol, many are aware that Simon Cowell does not show favorable expressions and can be quite mean in his commentaries. The smile that came over his face was priceless. ( Simon, you have a great smile!) The audience was on their feet. I would imagine that anyone who ran into this singer never gave her a second look. They were not aware of her potential. They may have even had some prejudiced opinions of her as well. Target parents are the same. You can encounter a target parent and never know. They may attempt to tell the story, but one may not be interested. It is when that one voice that grabs the attention of the masses, that will be when everyone else will take notice about parental alienation.
I had a dream...it was the dream that no child will ever have to make a choice about which parent they can love...they will be free to love both of them without fear of punishment...the courts will recognize the damage that alienation of the love and affection of parent by the means of a selfish parent will stop. I dream that this living hell will end!
HD link with subtitles worth watching to this video!
Not sure about your thoughts, but I came away with an appreciation for the "underdog" and was in tears.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, April 05, 2009
I have not quit posting
I have not quit posting on my blog. I have taken a break from dealing with parental alienation and have been spending time for myself. Some may call it selfish, but as a target parent, I need a break. This allows me time to focus on myself and to better myself as well. This will make me stronger to deal with the long term effects that parental alienation has.
I have not stopped thinking about what my next post will be, but it allows me clarity when I make my next post.
Please stay tuned for my next post, which I hope I will make in the next few days.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I have not stopped thinking about what my next post will be, but it allows me clarity when I make my next post.
Please stay tuned for my next post, which I hope I will make in the next few days.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, March 08, 2009
more opinions about the PAS does not exist
I see I will have to write things that I wished I did not have to write, but I hope that it gives those that read this blog a better understanding of my opinions about parental alienation.
I grew up in what many call today a strict home. You went to school, you were expected to bring home grades according to your ability and pushed to achieved better, you went to church, you participated in the community, you were respectful to adults, you respected your parents authority, you knew you would be punished at school and then at home if you did anything wrong, you did not call adults by their first name, and I could go on.
I remember a few things about my childhood, such as family trips, spending time with my grandparents, going to church when I did not want to, getting grounded for bad grades and more.
One thing that does stick in my mind was when my parents were having a bad patch in their marriage. I remember my dad getting mad at my mother and yelling. I remember being packed up to go to our grandmothers' home to spend the night. I remember having to sleep on a small bed with my brother and remember not sleeping that night as well. I remember my mom saying our dad was mean and other things. I remember hating my dad that night because I could not sleep in my bed and had to stay at my grandmother's home. I loved my grandmother and enjoyed staying with her, but I did not like it this way.
Why did I hate my dad that night? Was it because I remember him yelling at my mom or was it because my mom "helped" me remember more things about my dad?
As I got older, I remember my mom complaining about my dad. He was mean, he beat her, he cheated on her. Mind you, I never saw him beat her or cheat on her and from what I knew of my dad, he was not the cheating type. Of course I could be wrong as well. Did he yell? Sure! Do I yell at times? Sure! Does that mean we abuse people? Raising my voice in frustration does not make me an abuser. Raising my voice, not knowing when to quit and taking that frustration and using swear words and using physical violence makes me abusive, but this I never did, nor did I see my dad do this.
The more my mom talked about divorcing my dad, the more I realized she was wanting me to hate him along with her. It was the "two against one" theory. I didn't hate my dad and even if he did all these bad things, I did not want to know about them. I just wanted to have my dad.
As I grew older and got out on my own and had my own interpersonal relationships, I started to realize that perhaps my mother was very controlling. She was protective as well, but where does that protective trait and controlling trait overlap? Was she trying to protect me from an abusive father or was she controlling my thoughts? I would later realize that my father was not the man she made him out to be. I would also suspect that perhaps my mom suffered from some personality disorder as well. I could not prove this, I could only surmise this from reading.
Bottom line is that I love both my parents, they have faults as well. I dislike that my mom tried to persuade me to hate my dad. They are both still my mom and dad though and I love both of them.
For parents that think they are protecting their children from abuse, when it actually is a control issue, be advised...children see things and remember things. I do not like what my ex did to me during our marriage and after, but that does not mean he is not the father of our son. Our son will still love both parents, we are the ones that made it possible for him to be here.
Stop trying to place your children in the middle of your own cause and let them be children who can love both parents. Let them grow up to decide for themselves. Your influence may very well backfire on you.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I grew up in what many call today a strict home. You went to school, you were expected to bring home grades according to your ability and pushed to achieved better, you went to church, you participated in the community, you were respectful to adults, you respected your parents authority, you knew you would be punished at school and then at home if you did anything wrong, you did not call adults by their first name, and I could go on.
I remember a few things about my childhood, such as family trips, spending time with my grandparents, going to church when I did not want to, getting grounded for bad grades and more.
One thing that does stick in my mind was when my parents were having a bad patch in their marriage. I remember my dad getting mad at my mother and yelling. I remember being packed up to go to our grandmothers' home to spend the night. I remember having to sleep on a small bed with my brother and remember not sleeping that night as well. I remember my mom saying our dad was mean and other things. I remember hating my dad that night because I could not sleep in my bed and had to stay at my grandmother's home. I loved my grandmother and enjoyed staying with her, but I did not like it this way.
Why did I hate my dad that night? Was it because I remember him yelling at my mom or was it because my mom "helped" me remember more things about my dad?
As I got older, I remember my mom complaining about my dad. He was mean, he beat her, he cheated on her. Mind you, I never saw him beat her or cheat on her and from what I knew of my dad, he was not the cheating type. Of course I could be wrong as well. Did he yell? Sure! Do I yell at times? Sure! Does that mean we abuse people? Raising my voice in frustration does not make me an abuser. Raising my voice, not knowing when to quit and taking that frustration and using swear words and using physical violence makes me abusive, but this I never did, nor did I see my dad do this.
The more my mom talked about divorcing my dad, the more I realized she was wanting me to hate him along with her. It was the "two against one" theory. I didn't hate my dad and even if he did all these bad things, I did not want to know about them. I just wanted to have my dad.
As I grew older and got out on my own and had my own interpersonal relationships, I started to realize that perhaps my mother was very controlling. She was protective as well, but where does that protective trait and controlling trait overlap? Was she trying to protect me from an abusive father or was she controlling my thoughts? I would later realize that my father was not the man she made him out to be. I would also suspect that perhaps my mom suffered from some personality disorder as well. I could not prove this, I could only surmise this from reading.
Bottom line is that I love both my parents, they have faults as well. I dislike that my mom tried to persuade me to hate my dad. They are both still my mom and dad though and I love both of them.
For parents that think they are protecting their children from abuse, when it actually is a control issue, be advised...children see things and remember things. I do not like what my ex did to me during our marriage and after, but that does not mean he is not the father of our son. Our son will still love both parents, we are the ones that made it possible for him to be here.
Stop trying to place your children in the middle of your own cause and let them be children who can love both parents. Let them grow up to decide for themselves. Your influence may very well backfire on you.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
An argument about PAS
What is it with these "PAS does not exist groups"?
I received this comment and I would like to expand on it.
PAS is fake syndrome made up by Richard gardner, a man who claimed pedophilia is good and that the only problem was when the non pedo parents complained. One should get the facts and not be taken in by a few statements which make untrue claims.Check out Richard gardner and get the truth.CHILD ABUSE is beating a child, raping a child and killing a child. Forcing a child to live with an abusive parent is abuse.A child knows the truth and a child love is not destroyed by another but when a parent is abusive than it is natural the child might not want to be with that parent but even than many children will still lave the abuser.Courts should look in all the evidence and not make assumptions and when the court has the evidence that one parent is lying than to consider that very seriously. No child should be forced to live with abuse and no parent should be prevented from protection the child
While I respect your opinion, I think you are also an alienating parent. Child abuse also encompasses emotional and mental abuse. If you think denying a child their parent, no matter what the partner did to you, you are an alienating parent. As for your claims about Richard Gardner, you are making claims that I would like to see court documents supporting your allegations. Dr. Gardner also committed suicide, so he is not here to defend the allegations that these “PAS does not exist” groups make. There have been several studies done based upon the research that Dr. Gardner did and these studies support that parents will enmesh their children into their world and encourage their children to hate the other parent. If you think this is not abuse, then you are very sadly mistaken. Do you think that alienating parents that encourage, brainwash and enmesh these children to hate and despise a parent is not abuse? Do you think that a child that loved you for 14 years and loved his father as well, suddenly turns against one parent is not an indication of abuse? Answer why a child who loved both parents, had access to both parents, suddenly despises one parent? Do you think that one parent encouraged this child to think “their” way? This is what parental alienation is about.
I am sorry that your ex abused you and possibly your child, but if you think that denying your children to love the other parent is doing them a favor, you may wake up several years later to find yourself the target parent. Children will seek out the other parent one day and you better hope that all your “stories” support how your children will feel.
Supposedly I am an alcoholic, a drug addict, and an abuser, but these have never been proven. I continue my life as I always have and one day, my son will realize the truth. I have found that those who make such far fetched allegations are making statements based upon their own behaviors. It has proven true so far in my case. I am not the one with court documents of arrest and other allegations against me.
Let me ask…why are you so afraid that your children may one day want to seek out the other parent? If everything you claim is true, then you have nothing to worry about. If not then……….
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I received this comment and I would like to expand on it.
PAS is fake syndrome made up by Richard gardner, a man who claimed pedophilia is good and that the only problem was when the non pedo parents complained. One should get the facts and not be taken in by a few statements which make untrue claims.Check out Richard gardner and get the truth.CHILD ABUSE is beating a child, raping a child and killing a child. Forcing a child to live with an abusive parent is abuse.A child knows the truth and a child love is not destroyed by another but when a parent is abusive than it is natural the child might not want to be with that parent but even than many children will still lave the abuser.Courts should look in all the evidence and not make assumptions and when the court has the evidence that one parent is lying than to consider that very seriously. No child should be forced to live with abuse and no parent should be prevented from protection the child
While I respect your opinion, I think you are also an alienating parent. Child abuse also encompasses emotional and mental abuse. If you think denying a child their parent, no matter what the partner did to you, you are an alienating parent. As for your claims about Richard Gardner, you are making claims that I would like to see court documents supporting your allegations. Dr. Gardner also committed suicide, so he is not here to defend the allegations that these “PAS does not exist” groups make. There have been several studies done based upon the research that Dr. Gardner did and these studies support that parents will enmesh their children into their world and encourage their children to hate the other parent. If you think this is not abuse, then you are very sadly mistaken. Do you think that alienating parents that encourage, brainwash and enmesh these children to hate and despise a parent is not abuse? Do you think that a child that loved you for 14 years and loved his father as well, suddenly turns against one parent is not an indication of abuse? Answer why a child who loved both parents, had access to both parents, suddenly despises one parent? Do you think that one parent encouraged this child to think “their” way? This is what parental alienation is about.
I am sorry that your ex abused you and possibly your child, but if you think that denying your children to love the other parent is doing them a favor, you may wake up several years later to find yourself the target parent. Children will seek out the other parent one day and you better hope that all your “stories” support how your children will feel.
Supposedly I am an alcoholic, a drug addict, and an abuser, but these have never been proven. I continue my life as I always have and one day, my son will realize the truth. I have found that those who make such far fetched allegations are making statements based upon their own behaviors. It has proven true so far in my case. I am not the one with court documents of arrest and other allegations against me.
Let me ask…why are you so afraid that your children may one day want to seek out the other parent? If everything you claim is true, then you have nothing to worry about. If not then……….
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, March 07, 2009
A sober thought...link from another blog
I came across this link today. On the left hand side of this blog, there is this statement:
A Sober Thought
The Honorable Judge Gomery of Canada stated, “Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a chid . It has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child.”
This is what parental alienation is about. One parent teaching their children to hate. Children do not hate instinctively. They are taught either by words, actions or both. The parent who teaches their children to hate the other parent is a danger to their children's mental and emotional health. The courts, judges, Guardian Ad Litem's, and attorney's need to recognize parental alienation and must have the laws that support parental alienation as abuse behind them. This abuse must stop.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the Abuse!
A Sober Thought
The Honorable Judge Gomery of Canada stated, “Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a chid . It has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child.”
This is what parental alienation is about. One parent teaching their children to hate. Children do not hate instinctively. They are taught either by words, actions or both. The parent who teaches their children to hate the other parent is a danger to their children's mental and emotional health. The courts, judges, Guardian Ad Litem's, and attorney's need to recognize parental alienation and must have the laws that support parental alienation as abuse behind them. This abuse must stop.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the Abuse!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
HB 0831 by *Jones S. (SB 0829 by *Marrero B.) introduction to the TN General Assembly
This link was brought to my attention about a house/senate bill being considered in the Tennessee General Assembly. According to this link this bill states "Evidence - As introduced, prohibits the admission of any evidence concerning parental alienation syndrome in any proceeding involving a custody determination of a minor child. - Amends TCA Title 24, Chapter 7 and Title 36." According to TN law concerning custody determination, I came across this link. For chapter 36-6-106. Child custody it states:
36-6-106. Child custody. —
(a) In a suit for annulment, divorce, separate maintenance, or in any other proceeding requiring the court to make a custody determination regarding a minor child, the determination shall be made on the basis of the best interest of the child. The court shall consider all relevant factors, including the following, where applicable:
(1) The love, affection and emotional ties existing between the parents or caregivers and the child;
(2) The disposition of the parents or caregivers to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, education and other necessary care and the degree to which a parent or caregiver has been the primary caregiver;
(3) The importance of continuity in the child's life and the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment; provided, that, where there is a finding, under subdivision (a)(8), of child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, by one (1) parent, and that a nonperpetrating parent or caregiver has relocated in order to flee the perpetrating parent, that the relocation shall not weigh against an award of custody;
(4) The stability of the family unit of the parents or caregivers;
(5) The mental and physical health of the parents or caregivers;
(6) The home, school and community record of the child;
(7) (A) The reasonable preference of the child, if twelve (12) years of age or older;
(B) The court may hear the preference of a younger child on request. The preferences of older children should normally be given greater weight than those of younger children;
(8) Evidence of physical or emotional abuse to the child, to the other parent or to any other person; provided, that, where there are allegations that one (1) parent has committed child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, against a family member, the court shall consider all evidence relevant to the physical and emotional safety of the child, and determine, by a clear preponderance of the evidence, whether such abuse has occurred. The court shall include in its decision a written finding of all evidence, and all findings of facts connected to the evidence. In addition, the court shall, where appropriate, refer any issues of abuse to the juvenile court for further proceedings;
(9) The character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent or caregiver and the person's interactions with the child; and
(10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.
(b) Notwithstanding the provisions of any law to the contrary, the court has jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination regarding a minor child or may modify a prior order of child custody upon finding that the custodial parent has been convicted of or found civilly liable for the intentional and wrongful death of the child's other parent or legal guardian.
(c) As used in this section, “caregiver” has the meaning ascribed to that term in § 37-5-501.
(d) Nothing in subsections (a) and (c) shall be construed to affect or diminish the constitutional rights of parents that may arise during and are inherent in custody proceedings.
[Acts 1995, ch. 428, § 2; 1998, ch. 1003, § 1; 1998, ch. 1095, §§ 2, 3; 2000, ch. 683, § 2; 2007, ch. 245, §§ 1-3.]
This bill would contradict the 36-6-106 Child Custody rules that already exist. I looked at section 10 which states: (10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child. A parent who is participating in alienating the child from the other parent does not facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and other parent. Alienating parents are obsessed with intentionally destroying the relationship between the child and the targeted parent. The alienating parent will lie to the child about the targeted parent’s true feelings. They will encourage the child to believe that the targeted parent is harmful. They will attempt to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life. This is NOT encouraging a close and continuing relationship between the child and both parents.
I could argue most of the other points as well, but I think the above is important. Whomever came up with this bill for consideration has not researched parental alienation thoroughly. If this bill were to pass, children in the state of Tennessee will suffer the most.
If you reside in Tennessee, contact your lawmakers and urge them to vote against this bill for consideration.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
36-6-106. Child custody. —
(a) In a suit for annulment, divorce, separate maintenance, or in any other proceeding requiring the court to make a custody determination regarding a minor child, the determination shall be made on the basis of the best interest of the child. The court shall consider all relevant factors, including the following, where applicable:
(1) The love, affection and emotional ties existing between the parents or caregivers and the child;
(2) The disposition of the parents or caregivers to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, education and other necessary care and the degree to which a parent or caregiver has been the primary caregiver;
(3) The importance of continuity in the child's life and the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment; provided, that, where there is a finding, under subdivision (a)(8), of child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, by one (1) parent, and that a nonperpetrating parent or caregiver has relocated in order to flee the perpetrating parent, that the relocation shall not weigh against an award of custody;
(4) The stability of the family unit of the parents or caregivers;
(5) The mental and physical health of the parents or caregivers;
(6) The home, school and community record of the child;
(7) (A) The reasonable preference of the child, if twelve (12) years of age or older;
(B) The court may hear the preference of a younger child on request. The preferences of older children should normally be given greater weight than those of younger children;
(8) Evidence of physical or emotional abuse to the child, to the other parent or to any other person; provided, that, where there are allegations that one (1) parent has committed child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, against a family member, the court shall consider all evidence relevant to the physical and emotional safety of the child, and determine, by a clear preponderance of the evidence, whether such abuse has occurred. The court shall include in its decision a written finding of all evidence, and all findings of facts connected to the evidence. In addition, the court shall, where appropriate, refer any issues of abuse to the juvenile court for further proceedings;
(9) The character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent or caregiver and the person's interactions with the child; and
(10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.
(b) Notwithstanding the provisions of any law to the contrary, the court has jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination regarding a minor child or may modify a prior order of child custody upon finding that the custodial parent has been convicted of or found civilly liable for the intentional and wrongful death of the child's other parent or legal guardian.
(c) As used in this section, “caregiver” has the meaning ascribed to that term in § 37-5-501.
(d) Nothing in subsections (a) and (c) shall be construed to affect or diminish the constitutional rights of parents that may arise during and are inherent in custody proceedings.
[Acts 1995, ch. 428, § 2; 1998, ch. 1003, § 1; 1998, ch. 1095, §§ 2, 3; 2000, ch. 683, § 2; 2007, ch. 245, §§ 1-3.]
This bill would contradict the 36-6-106 Child Custody rules that already exist. I looked at section 10 which states: (10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child. A parent who is participating in alienating the child from the other parent does not facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and other parent. Alienating parents are obsessed with intentionally destroying the relationship between the child and the targeted parent. The alienating parent will lie to the child about the targeted parent’s true feelings. They will encourage the child to believe that the targeted parent is harmful. They will attempt to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life. This is NOT encouraging a close and continuing relationship between the child and both parents.
I could argue most of the other points as well, but I think the above is important. Whomever came up with this bill for consideration has not researched parental alienation thoroughly. If this bill were to pass, children in the state of Tennessee will suffer the most.
If you reside in Tennessee, contact your lawmakers and urge them to vote against this bill for consideration.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
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