Hello to everyone!
I am working on a few posts, that I hope to get published soon.
As we near the 4th of July and the celebration of Independence Day, I can only hope that those that are held hostage by the means of parental alienation can somehow find some liberation.
The more that I sit back, reflect and ponder, I have come to realize that parental alienation is a continuation of domestic violence, a control issue and it is most definitely child abuse. I disagree with the groups that want to so call protect their children from the abuse by denying them the knowledge and association with the other parent. Children will seek out these things as they get older and if this so called abuse was a dreamed up idea by a parent as a means to control, the children will figure this out one day. I am sorry if you disagree, but two people made this child and this child has the right to know both parents, no matter the alleged adults feelings towards each other. I have also written that the laws need to change. I agree they need to change, but FIRST the current laws need to be enforced.
I hope to be able to touch on these subjects in my following posts.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the Abuse!
Showing posts with label child abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child abuse. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
Sunday, March 08, 2009
more opinions about the PAS does not exist
I see I will have to write things that I wished I did not have to write, but I hope that it gives those that read this blog a better understanding of my opinions about parental alienation.
I grew up in what many call today a strict home. You went to school, you were expected to bring home grades according to your ability and pushed to achieved better, you went to church, you participated in the community, you were respectful to adults, you respected your parents authority, you knew you would be punished at school and then at home if you did anything wrong, you did not call adults by their first name, and I could go on.
I remember a few things about my childhood, such as family trips, spending time with my grandparents, going to church when I did not want to, getting grounded for bad grades and more.
One thing that does stick in my mind was when my parents were having a bad patch in their marriage. I remember my dad getting mad at my mother and yelling. I remember being packed up to go to our grandmothers' home to spend the night. I remember having to sleep on a small bed with my brother and remember not sleeping that night as well. I remember my mom saying our dad was mean and other things. I remember hating my dad that night because I could not sleep in my bed and had to stay at my grandmother's home. I loved my grandmother and enjoyed staying with her, but I did not like it this way.
Why did I hate my dad that night? Was it because I remember him yelling at my mom or was it because my mom "helped" me remember more things about my dad?
As I got older, I remember my mom complaining about my dad. He was mean, he beat her, he cheated on her. Mind you, I never saw him beat her or cheat on her and from what I knew of my dad, he was not the cheating type. Of course I could be wrong as well. Did he yell? Sure! Do I yell at times? Sure! Does that mean we abuse people? Raising my voice in frustration does not make me an abuser. Raising my voice, not knowing when to quit and taking that frustration and using swear words and using physical violence makes me abusive, but this I never did, nor did I see my dad do this.
The more my mom talked about divorcing my dad, the more I realized she was wanting me to hate him along with her. It was the "two against one" theory. I didn't hate my dad and even if he did all these bad things, I did not want to know about them. I just wanted to have my dad.
As I grew older and got out on my own and had my own interpersonal relationships, I started to realize that perhaps my mother was very controlling. She was protective as well, but where does that protective trait and controlling trait overlap? Was she trying to protect me from an abusive father or was she controlling my thoughts? I would later realize that my father was not the man she made him out to be. I would also suspect that perhaps my mom suffered from some personality disorder as well. I could not prove this, I could only surmise this from reading.
Bottom line is that I love both my parents, they have faults as well. I dislike that my mom tried to persuade me to hate my dad. They are both still my mom and dad though and I love both of them.
For parents that think they are protecting their children from abuse, when it actually is a control issue, be advised...children see things and remember things. I do not like what my ex did to me during our marriage and after, but that does not mean he is not the father of our son. Our son will still love both parents, we are the ones that made it possible for him to be here.
Stop trying to place your children in the middle of your own cause and let them be children who can love both parents. Let them grow up to decide for themselves. Your influence may very well backfire on you.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I grew up in what many call today a strict home. You went to school, you were expected to bring home grades according to your ability and pushed to achieved better, you went to church, you participated in the community, you were respectful to adults, you respected your parents authority, you knew you would be punished at school and then at home if you did anything wrong, you did not call adults by their first name, and I could go on.
I remember a few things about my childhood, such as family trips, spending time with my grandparents, going to church when I did not want to, getting grounded for bad grades and more.
One thing that does stick in my mind was when my parents were having a bad patch in their marriage. I remember my dad getting mad at my mother and yelling. I remember being packed up to go to our grandmothers' home to spend the night. I remember having to sleep on a small bed with my brother and remember not sleeping that night as well. I remember my mom saying our dad was mean and other things. I remember hating my dad that night because I could not sleep in my bed and had to stay at my grandmother's home. I loved my grandmother and enjoyed staying with her, but I did not like it this way.
Why did I hate my dad that night? Was it because I remember him yelling at my mom or was it because my mom "helped" me remember more things about my dad?
As I got older, I remember my mom complaining about my dad. He was mean, he beat her, he cheated on her. Mind you, I never saw him beat her or cheat on her and from what I knew of my dad, he was not the cheating type. Of course I could be wrong as well. Did he yell? Sure! Do I yell at times? Sure! Does that mean we abuse people? Raising my voice in frustration does not make me an abuser. Raising my voice, not knowing when to quit and taking that frustration and using swear words and using physical violence makes me abusive, but this I never did, nor did I see my dad do this.
The more my mom talked about divorcing my dad, the more I realized she was wanting me to hate him along with her. It was the "two against one" theory. I didn't hate my dad and even if he did all these bad things, I did not want to know about them. I just wanted to have my dad.
As I grew older and got out on my own and had my own interpersonal relationships, I started to realize that perhaps my mother was very controlling. She was protective as well, but where does that protective trait and controlling trait overlap? Was she trying to protect me from an abusive father or was she controlling my thoughts? I would later realize that my father was not the man she made him out to be. I would also suspect that perhaps my mom suffered from some personality disorder as well. I could not prove this, I could only surmise this from reading.
Bottom line is that I love both my parents, they have faults as well. I dislike that my mom tried to persuade me to hate my dad. They are both still my mom and dad though and I love both of them.
For parents that think they are protecting their children from abuse, when it actually is a control issue, be advised...children see things and remember things. I do not like what my ex did to me during our marriage and after, but that does not mean he is not the father of our son. Our son will still love both parents, we are the ones that made it possible for him to be here.
Stop trying to place your children in the middle of your own cause and let them be children who can love both parents. Let them grow up to decide for themselves. Your influence may very well backfire on you.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
An argument about PAS
What is it with these "PAS does not exist groups"?
I received this comment and I would like to expand on it.
PAS is fake syndrome made up by Richard gardner, a man who claimed pedophilia is good and that the only problem was when the non pedo parents complained. One should get the facts and not be taken in by a few statements which make untrue claims.Check out Richard gardner and get the truth.CHILD ABUSE is beating a child, raping a child and killing a child. Forcing a child to live with an abusive parent is abuse.A child knows the truth and a child love is not destroyed by another but when a parent is abusive than it is natural the child might not want to be with that parent but even than many children will still lave the abuser.Courts should look in all the evidence and not make assumptions and when the court has the evidence that one parent is lying than to consider that very seriously. No child should be forced to live with abuse and no parent should be prevented from protection the child
While I respect your opinion, I think you are also an alienating parent. Child abuse also encompasses emotional and mental abuse. If you think denying a child their parent, no matter what the partner did to you, you are an alienating parent. As for your claims about Richard Gardner, you are making claims that I would like to see court documents supporting your allegations. Dr. Gardner also committed suicide, so he is not here to defend the allegations that these “PAS does not exist” groups make. There have been several studies done based upon the research that Dr. Gardner did and these studies support that parents will enmesh their children into their world and encourage their children to hate the other parent. If you think this is not abuse, then you are very sadly mistaken. Do you think that alienating parents that encourage, brainwash and enmesh these children to hate and despise a parent is not abuse? Do you think that a child that loved you for 14 years and loved his father as well, suddenly turns against one parent is not an indication of abuse? Answer why a child who loved both parents, had access to both parents, suddenly despises one parent? Do you think that one parent encouraged this child to think “their” way? This is what parental alienation is about.
I am sorry that your ex abused you and possibly your child, but if you think that denying your children to love the other parent is doing them a favor, you may wake up several years later to find yourself the target parent. Children will seek out the other parent one day and you better hope that all your “stories” support how your children will feel.
Supposedly I am an alcoholic, a drug addict, and an abuser, but these have never been proven. I continue my life as I always have and one day, my son will realize the truth. I have found that those who make such far fetched allegations are making statements based upon their own behaviors. It has proven true so far in my case. I am not the one with court documents of arrest and other allegations against me.
Let me ask…why are you so afraid that your children may one day want to seek out the other parent? If everything you claim is true, then you have nothing to worry about. If not then……….
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I received this comment and I would like to expand on it.
PAS is fake syndrome made up by Richard gardner, a man who claimed pedophilia is good and that the only problem was when the non pedo parents complained. One should get the facts and not be taken in by a few statements which make untrue claims.Check out Richard gardner and get the truth.CHILD ABUSE is beating a child, raping a child and killing a child. Forcing a child to live with an abusive parent is abuse.A child knows the truth and a child love is not destroyed by another but when a parent is abusive than it is natural the child might not want to be with that parent but even than many children will still lave the abuser.Courts should look in all the evidence and not make assumptions and when the court has the evidence that one parent is lying than to consider that very seriously. No child should be forced to live with abuse and no parent should be prevented from protection the child
While I respect your opinion, I think you are also an alienating parent. Child abuse also encompasses emotional and mental abuse. If you think denying a child their parent, no matter what the partner did to you, you are an alienating parent. As for your claims about Richard Gardner, you are making claims that I would like to see court documents supporting your allegations. Dr. Gardner also committed suicide, so he is not here to defend the allegations that these “PAS does not exist” groups make. There have been several studies done based upon the research that Dr. Gardner did and these studies support that parents will enmesh their children into their world and encourage their children to hate the other parent. If you think this is not abuse, then you are very sadly mistaken. Do you think that alienating parents that encourage, brainwash and enmesh these children to hate and despise a parent is not abuse? Do you think that a child that loved you for 14 years and loved his father as well, suddenly turns against one parent is not an indication of abuse? Answer why a child who loved both parents, had access to both parents, suddenly despises one parent? Do you think that one parent encouraged this child to think “their” way? This is what parental alienation is about.
I am sorry that your ex abused you and possibly your child, but if you think that denying your children to love the other parent is doing them a favor, you may wake up several years later to find yourself the target parent. Children will seek out the other parent one day and you better hope that all your “stories” support how your children will feel.
Supposedly I am an alcoholic, a drug addict, and an abuser, but these have never been proven. I continue my life as I always have and one day, my son will realize the truth. I have found that those who make such far fetched allegations are making statements based upon their own behaviors. It has proven true so far in my case. I am not the one with court documents of arrest and other allegations against me.
Let me ask…why are you so afraid that your children may one day want to seek out the other parent? If everything you claim is true, then you have nothing to worry about. If not then……….
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
HB 0831 by *Jones S. (SB 0829 by *Marrero B.) introduction to the TN General Assembly
This link was brought to my attention about a house/senate bill being considered in the Tennessee General Assembly. According to this link this bill states "Evidence - As introduced, prohibits the admission of any evidence concerning parental alienation syndrome in any proceeding involving a custody determination of a minor child. - Amends TCA Title 24, Chapter 7 and Title 36." According to TN law concerning custody determination, I came across this link. For chapter 36-6-106. Child custody it states:
36-6-106. Child custody. —
(a) In a suit for annulment, divorce, separate maintenance, or in any other proceeding requiring the court to make a custody determination regarding a minor child, the determination shall be made on the basis of the best interest of the child. The court shall consider all relevant factors, including the following, where applicable:
(1) The love, affection and emotional ties existing between the parents or caregivers and the child;
(2) The disposition of the parents or caregivers to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, education and other necessary care and the degree to which a parent or caregiver has been the primary caregiver;
(3) The importance of continuity in the child's life and the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment; provided, that, where there is a finding, under subdivision (a)(8), of child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, by one (1) parent, and that a nonperpetrating parent or caregiver has relocated in order to flee the perpetrating parent, that the relocation shall not weigh against an award of custody;
(4) The stability of the family unit of the parents or caregivers;
(5) The mental and physical health of the parents or caregivers;
(6) The home, school and community record of the child;
(7) (A) The reasonable preference of the child, if twelve (12) years of age or older;
(B) The court may hear the preference of a younger child on request. The preferences of older children should normally be given greater weight than those of younger children;
(8) Evidence of physical or emotional abuse to the child, to the other parent or to any other person; provided, that, where there are allegations that one (1) parent has committed child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, against a family member, the court shall consider all evidence relevant to the physical and emotional safety of the child, and determine, by a clear preponderance of the evidence, whether such abuse has occurred. The court shall include in its decision a written finding of all evidence, and all findings of facts connected to the evidence. In addition, the court shall, where appropriate, refer any issues of abuse to the juvenile court for further proceedings;
(9) The character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent or caregiver and the person's interactions with the child; and
(10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.
(b) Notwithstanding the provisions of any law to the contrary, the court has jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination regarding a minor child or may modify a prior order of child custody upon finding that the custodial parent has been convicted of or found civilly liable for the intentional and wrongful death of the child's other parent or legal guardian.
(c) As used in this section, “caregiver” has the meaning ascribed to that term in § 37-5-501.
(d) Nothing in subsections (a) and (c) shall be construed to affect or diminish the constitutional rights of parents that may arise during and are inherent in custody proceedings.
[Acts 1995, ch. 428, § 2; 1998, ch. 1003, § 1; 1998, ch. 1095, §§ 2, 3; 2000, ch. 683, § 2; 2007, ch. 245, §§ 1-3.]
This bill would contradict the 36-6-106 Child Custody rules that already exist. I looked at section 10 which states: (10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child. A parent who is participating in alienating the child from the other parent does not facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and other parent. Alienating parents are obsessed with intentionally destroying the relationship between the child and the targeted parent. The alienating parent will lie to the child about the targeted parent’s true feelings. They will encourage the child to believe that the targeted parent is harmful. They will attempt to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life. This is NOT encouraging a close and continuing relationship between the child and both parents.
I could argue most of the other points as well, but I think the above is important. Whomever came up with this bill for consideration has not researched parental alienation thoroughly. If this bill were to pass, children in the state of Tennessee will suffer the most.
If you reside in Tennessee, contact your lawmakers and urge them to vote against this bill for consideration.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
36-6-106. Child custody. —
(a) In a suit for annulment, divorce, separate maintenance, or in any other proceeding requiring the court to make a custody determination regarding a minor child, the determination shall be made on the basis of the best interest of the child. The court shall consider all relevant factors, including the following, where applicable:
(1) The love, affection and emotional ties existing between the parents or caregivers and the child;
(2) The disposition of the parents or caregivers to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, education and other necessary care and the degree to which a parent or caregiver has been the primary caregiver;
(3) The importance of continuity in the child's life and the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment; provided, that, where there is a finding, under subdivision (a)(8), of child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, by one (1) parent, and that a nonperpetrating parent or caregiver has relocated in order to flee the perpetrating parent, that the relocation shall not weigh against an award of custody;
(4) The stability of the family unit of the parents or caregivers;
(5) The mental and physical health of the parents or caregivers;
(6) The home, school and community record of the child;
(7) (A) The reasonable preference of the child, if twelve (12) years of age or older;
(B) The court may hear the preference of a younger child on request. The preferences of older children should normally be given greater weight than those of younger children;
(8) Evidence of physical or emotional abuse to the child, to the other parent or to any other person; provided, that, where there are allegations that one (1) parent has committed child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, against a family member, the court shall consider all evidence relevant to the physical and emotional safety of the child, and determine, by a clear preponderance of the evidence, whether such abuse has occurred. The court shall include in its decision a written finding of all evidence, and all findings of facts connected to the evidence. In addition, the court shall, where appropriate, refer any issues of abuse to the juvenile court for further proceedings;
(9) The character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent or caregiver and the person's interactions with the child; and
(10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.
(b) Notwithstanding the provisions of any law to the contrary, the court has jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination regarding a minor child or may modify a prior order of child custody upon finding that the custodial parent has been convicted of or found civilly liable for the intentional and wrongful death of the child's other parent or legal guardian.
(c) As used in this section, “caregiver” has the meaning ascribed to that term in § 37-5-501.
(d) Nothing in subsections (a) and (c) shall be construed to affect or diminish the constitutional rights of parents that may arise during and are inherent in custody proceedings.
[Acts 1995, ch. 428, § 2; 1998, ch. 1003, § 1; 1998, ch. 1095, §§ 2, 3; 2000, ch. 683, § 2; 2007, ch. 245, §§ 1-3.]
This bill would contradict the 36-6-106 Child Custody rules that already exist. I looked at section 10 which states: (10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child. A parent who is participating in alienating the child from the other parent does not facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and other parent. Alienating parents are obsessed with intentionally destroying the relationship between the child and the targeted parent. The alienating parent will lie to the child about the targeted parent’s true feelings. They will encourage the child to believe that the targeted parent is harmful. They will attempt to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life. This is NOT encouraging a close and continuing relationship between the child and both parents.
I could argue most of the other points as well, but I think the above is important. Whomever came up with this bill for consideration has not researched parental alienation thoroughly. If this bill were to pass, children in the state of Tennessee will suffer the most.
If you reside in Tennessee, contact your lawmakers and urge them to vote against this bill for consideration.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
My post for the day
OK, I admit the title leaves little to be desired, but then again this post I came across today does the same. There is a controversy about parental alienation among the certain lines of thought. It exists, it does not exist, it is junk science, it is not junk science, etc., you get my point. Granted, parental alienation is not in the The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), but the personality types of the parents who alienate their children are, such as narcissist, sociopath and such.
I came across this post in response to the recent Canadian court case about parental alienation. Quite honestly, today, I am tired and do not feel like doing the copy and paste of the article and the court decision, if you have not come across these. Please click the links and read them and come back to my page. I did leave a comment, which I think has to be approved and not sure it will be, so I will post my comment here.
"As a mother myself who does not have custody of her ONLY child, I applaud the decision of this judge. For a parent, mother or father, who intentionally sets out on a path to destroy the parent-child bond, does not deserve to be called a parent. As to the term parental alienation and the arguments that it does not exist, I am here to say that “it”, whatever word used to describe the process, DOES exist. A child does not suddenly turn against a parent and has hatred in their heart for a parent. A child three days prior would not kiss you goodnight and say they love you and three days later profess that you abuse them.
I am well aware of domestic violence as my ex husband was abusive to me and I have court records proving such. I also can provide court records of abuse to a wife after our marriage. The fact remains that he is the father of our child. We conceived our son out of love at one point in our lives and our child does have the right to know his father. Yes, I refer often to “our” child because this child was produced from two people.
Parental alienation is abuse, it is mental abuse, and it is a continuation of the domestic violence that I endured. Parental alienation is about control as well. It is control of the child’s mind.
Although Dr. Gardner refers to mothers as the perpetrators of this heinous act, if you open your mind to the fact that this control and abuse of a child does exist, you will find that fathers are now included in these studies. I am not here to discredit fathers or mothers, I am here to state that parental alienation exists and that it is not gender specific.
You mention a child’s right. They should have the right to love both parents without the interference of a vindictive ex spouse spewing their own hatred to the child.
What message do we as parents send to our child when we state how bad the other parent is and how much we hate the other parent? We are telling our child that we hate HALF of them because of this parent.
http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/"
My thoughts for the day.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I came across this post in response to the recent Canadian court case about parental alienation. Quite honestly, today, I am tired and do not feel like doing the copy and paste of the article and the court decision, if you have not come across these. Please click the links and read them and come back to my page. I did leave a comment, which I think has to be approved and not sure it will be, so I will post my comment here.
"As a mother myself who does not have custody of her ONLY child, I applaud the decision of this judge. For a parent, mother or father, who intentionally sets out on a path to destroy the parent-child bond, does not deserve to be called a parent. As to the term parental alienation and the arguments that it does not exist, I am here to say that “it”, whatever word used to describe the process, DOES exist. A child does not suddenly turn against a parent and has hatred in their heart for a parent. A child three days prior would not kiss you goodnight and say they love you and three days later profess that you abuse them.
I am well aware of domestic violence as my ex husband was abusive to me and I have court records proving such. I also can provide court records of abuse to a wife after our marriage. The fact remains that he is the father of our child. We conceived our son out of love at one point in our lives and our child does have the right to know his father. Yes, I refer often to “our” child because this child was produced from two people.
Parental alienation is abuse, it is mental abuse, and it is a continuation of the domestic violence that I endured. Parental alienation is about control as well. It is control of the child’s mind.
Although Dr. Gardner refers to mothers as the perpetrators of this heinous act, if you open your mind to the fact that this control and abuse of a child does exist, you will find that fathers are now included in these studies. I am not here to discredit fathers or mothers, I am here to state that parental alienation exists and that it is not gender specific.
You mention a child’s right. They should have the right to love both parents without the interference of a vindictive ex spouse spewing their own hatred to the child.
What message do we as parents send to our child when we state how bad the other parent is and how much we hate the other parent? We are telling our child that we hate HALF of them because of this parent.
http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/"
My thoughts for the day.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
I have had several conversations or discussions about a subject that I think I have come up with an appropriate title for my post today. There seems to be many questions when talking with other target parents about contact with their alienated child and how the court orders read. There also seems to be an opinion, by people that do not understand parental alienation, that one should let go and wait until the child matures. The main consensus seems to be to absent yourself from the child's life until the child "realizes" what has happened. This is how I came about my title today.
I have been told that I am a rebel and I guess I have to agree with that. I do not act this way to cause harm and am certainly not violent in my actions. I will question and if I believe I am correct I will seek to improve the conditions. Many of the laws we have today are because a person stood up for what they believed in and did something to help change them. This is what I identify myself with.
Many times I hear a parent say they are at a loss at what to do about their child. I ask if they see them or not and how much contact they have. Many times I hear that they are not allowed to see their child and are only allowed one phone call and can mail the child cards and gifts. I ask if they email their child and they tell me, the court order does not say I can email. These parents are afraid that if they email their child they will be held in contempt for breaking the order. I can understand completely and do not advise anyone to break a court order. I can not tell you the last time I sent something via the postal service and email communication has become the norm in many institutions for communication. My options are the same if one sends me postal mail or email. I can choose to open the postal mail and I can choose to open the email. With email, I also have a delete option, something I do not have with postal mail. To send postal mail or email, many times I have no idea if the recipient even receives the mail. I also have the option to send certified return receipt mail and I can purchase a read receipt program for my email. I consider both ways (postal and email) communication via mail. The only thing I cannot do via email is to send gifts, but I can send links for money. I guess money could be considered a gift.
When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent does everything in their power to absent the child from the target parent's life. They find excuses to deny visitation. They also talk badly about the target parent to the child in hopes that the child will believe the rumors about the target parent. If the child has no opportunity to have exposure to the target parent, their heart does not grow fonder due to the absence, instead they start believing what the alienating parent claims. They may mature and seek the truth at a later date, but I think it is important that the target parent lets their child know that they love them, miss them and are always there for them. I have heard that this contact of letting the child know they are loved and missed can be interpreted as harassment. My question is when did a parent letting their child know the special place they hold in their heart become harassment? This is what is wrong with the system that allows alienating parents to control. This is why the laws must be changed.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I have had several conversations or discussions about a subject that I think I have come up with an appropriate title for my post today. There seems to be many questions when talking with other target parents about contact with their alienated child and how the court orders read. There also seems to be an opinion, by people that do not understand parental alienation, that one should let go and wait until the child matures. The main consensus seems to be to absent yourself from the child's life until the child "realizes" what has happened. This is how I came about my title today.
I have been told that I am a rebel and I guess I have to agree with that. I do not act this way to cause harm and am certainly not violent in my actions. I will question and if I believe I am correct I will seek to improve the conditions. Many of the laws we have today are because a person stood up for what they believed in and did something to help change them. This is what I identify myself with.
Many times I hear a parent say they are at a loss at what to do about their child. I ask if they see them or not and how much contact they have. Many times I hear that they are not allowed to see their child and are only allowed one phone call and can mail the child cards and gifts. I ask if they email their child and they tell me, the court order does not say I can email. These parents are afraid that if they email their child they will be held in contempt for breaking the order. I can understand completely and do not advise anyone to break a court order. I can not tell you the last time I sent something via the postal service and email communication has become the norm in many institutions for communication. My options are the same if one sends me postal mail or email. I can choose to open the postal mail and I can choose to open the email. With email, I also have a delete option, something I do not have with postal mail. To send postal mail or email, many times I have no idea if the recipient even receives the mail. I also have the option to send certified return receipt mail and I can purchase a read receipt program for my email. I consider both ways (postal and email) communication via mail. The only thing I cannot do via email is to send gifts, but I can send links for money. I guess money could be considered a gift.
When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent does everything in their power to absent the child from the target parent's life. They find excuses to deny visitation. They also talk badly about the target parent to the child in hopes that the child will believe the rumors about the target parent. If the child has no opportunity to have exposure to the target parent, their heart does not grow fonder due to the absence, instead they start believing what the alienating parent claims. They may mature and seek the truth at a later date, but I think it is important that the target parent lets their child know that they love them, miss them and are always there for them. I have heard that this contact of letting the child know they are loved and missed can be interpreted as harassment. My question is when did a parent letting their child know the special place they hold in their heart become harassment? This is what is wrong with the system that allows alienating parents to control. This is why the laws must be changed.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Why everyone needs to care about parental alienation...Oh the gossip never ends!
One may ask why I titled this post "Why everyone should care about parental alienation ...oh the gossip never ends". You may be happily married and both you and your spouse have a healthy and loving relationship with your children. Parental alienation does not affect you. It may not directly, but one day it will either directly or indirectly.
I do believe that everyone at one time or another has experienced alienation in one form or another. Some common words used to define alienation are; isolation, estrangement, separation and unfriendly. One area that alienation can happen quite a bit is in a work environment. Perhaps you have overheard gossip or rumors, or even participated as well in the conversations. The gossip and rumors can be started because one person does not like the other and their intentions is to persuade others to their side. Sometimes people gossip or tell rumors because they have nothing better to do or they like the attention they get. Other times they do this because their goal is to isolate the person they are talking about and they wish to discredit them for their own personal gain. It starts as a malicious attempt to slander someone and possibly to improve the social standing of the person who made up the story. Gossip gives one power over another. People who gossip believe lies, want to believe lies, and persuade others to believe lies. Gossip is censorship and a gross injustice. The one involved has no right to defend themselves. The subject of the gossip is the one who suffers alienation. Parental alienation is nothing more than gossip, rumors, lies and a gross injustice about a parent. The children are the ones that hear this gossip and believe it. The child ends up siding with the alienating parent and discredits the other parent with no basis of truth.
You may think there are no similarities between gossip at work or other situations where this happens and parental alienation. This is where you are wrong. You may think about the town gossip and know that you do not believe a word they say. You may even think about things you have heard and said "oh how preposterous". Alienating parents are preposterous but they are also very convincing. Unfortunately they convince the children, judges, attorneys and therapists about the rumors and gossip they tell about the other parent. Gossip has the uncanny ability of drawing more and more conclusions on less and less info.
You may be thinking that eventually the truth will come out. The truth is there, but often is not wanted to be heard. Many times, the alienating parents tells such lies that a target parent can not find the documentation to support the truth. If the target parent has documentation to support the truth against the lies told about them, it is not wanted to be heard. If a child seeks the truth, they do not want to know the bad things about the alienating parent. In my case, the alienating parent stated that I was guilty of some illegal behaviors. I did not have records of arrest, but I can only imagine that it was stated I either had connections or had not been caught yet. How does one "prove" they are not guilty of such indiscretions? The alienating parent, on the other hand, has records of arrest, not for what I was accused of, but for other violations.
Have you ever given any thought to what the destructive lies, gossip, rumors and allegations do to a child? Not only can they believe that the target parent does not care for them or love them, they can grow up to believe that this behavior is specific to the gender that the alienation is being maintained about. For instance a daughter can believe that all men are sexual predators, abusive to women, have extramarital affairs and fail to support their families. She may grow up with a resentment towards men and this will affect her relationships and interactions. A son can believe that all women are manipulators, they spend money that is not there and are not capable of making decisions. They may grow up to treat women abusively and this will also affect their relationships and interactions. Of course there are other scenarios as well. The one thing that alienated children are being taught is that they do not need to have respect for the target parent. This will unconsciously tell them that they do not have to have respect for the gender that they are being alienated against. This will affect future relationships and interactions.
Abuse follows a cycle and unless that cycle is broken it will continue. Think about that the next time you hear the latest "gossip". How much someone talks to you about others may be how much they talk to others about you!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I do believe that everyone at one time or another has experienced alienation in one form or another. Some common words used to define alienation are; isolation, estrangement, separation and unfriendly. One area that alienation can happen quite a bit is in a work environment. Perhaps you have overheard gossip or rumors, or even participated as well in the conversations. The gossip and rumors can be started because one person does not like the other and their intentions is to persuade others to their side. Sometimes people gossip or tell rumors because they have nothing better to do or they like the attention they get. Other times they do this because their goal is to isolate the person they are talking about and they wish to discredit them for their own personal gain. It starts as a malicious attempt to slander someone and possibly to improve the social standing of the person who made up the story. Gossip gives one power over another. People who gossip believe lies, want to believe lies, and persuade others to believe lies. Gossip is censorship and a gross injustice. The one involved has no right to defend themselves. The subject of the gossip is the one who suffers alienation. Parental alienation is nothing more than gossip, rumors, lies and a gross injustice about a parent. The children are the ones that hear this gossip and believe it. The child ends up siding with the alienating parent and discredits the other parent with no basis of truth.
You may think there are no similarities between gossip at work or other situations where this happens and parental alienation. This is where you are wrong. You may think about the town gossip and know that you do not believe a word they say. You may even think about things you have heard and said "oh how preposterous". Alienating parents are preposterous but they are also very convincing. Unfortunately they convince the children, judges, attorneys and therapists about the rumors and gossip they tell about the other parent. Gossip has the uncanny ability of drawing more and more conclusions on less and less info.
You may be thinking that eventually the truth will come out. The truth is there, but often is not wanted to be heard. Many times, the alienating parents tells such lies that a target parent can not find the documentation to support the truth. If the target parent has documentation to support the truth against the lies told about them, it is not wanted to be heard. If a child seeks the truth, they do not want to know the bad things about the alienating parent. In my case, the alienating parent stated that I was guilty of some illegal behaviors. I did not have records of arrest, but I can only imagine that it was stated I either had connections or had not been caught yet. How does one "prove" they are not guilty of such indiscretions? The alienating parent, on the other hand, has records of arrest, not for what I was accused of, but for other violations.
Have you ever given any thought to what the destructive lies, gossip, rumors and allegations do to a child? Not only can they believe that the target parent does not care for them or love them, they can grow up to believe that this behavior is specific to the gender that the alienation is being maintained about. For instance a daughter can believe that all men are sexual predators, abusive to women, have extramarital affairs and fail to support their families. She may grow up with a resentment towards men and this will affect her relationships and interactions. A son can believe that all women are manipulators, they spend money that is not there and are not capable of making decisions. They may grow up to treat women abusively and this will also affect their relationships and interactions. Of course there are other scenarios as well. The one thing that alienated children are being taught is that they do not need to have respect for the target parent. This will unconsciously tell them that they do not have to have respect for the gender that they are being alienated against. This will affect future relationships and interactions.
Abuse follows a cycle and unless that cycle is broken it will continue. Think about that the next time you hear the latest "gossip". How much someone talks to you about others may be how much they talk to others about you!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Friday, January 02, 2009
Priceless!
I am sure everyone has seen those priceless commercials by MasterCard. I was thinking about that today and came up with one for parental alienation.
Married: (insert number) years
Custody litigation: ( insert number) years
Attorney costs: ( insert number) dollars
Child has loving relationship with both parents: Priceless!
This is what it is about, that children have access to both parents. Parents need to remember that their children want to love both of them and do not want to be part of a revenge game plan.
My message to alienating parents: You controlled us during our marriage. You broke our spirit and you wore us down. We followed your ways for the wrong reasons. We supported you, but you only supported us when it fit into your plans or needs. We will no longer be silent. You no longer control us. We will not sit idly by and watch you ruin the life of the child we created. Our child cannot verbalize the pain they feel and you cannot see the damage that you are doing. I will be that voice for our child.
The laws must and will change and every target parent needs to find their voice! Stop this abuse!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Married: (insert number) years
Custody litigation: ( insert number) years
Attorney costs: ( insert number) dollars
Child has loving relationship with both parents: Priceless!
This is what it is about, that children have access to both parents. Parents need to remember that their children want to love both of them and do not want to be part of a revenge game plan.
My message to alienating parents: You controlled us during our marriage. You broke our spirit and you wore us down. We followed your ways for the wrong reasons. We supported you, but you only supported us when it fit into your plans or needs. We will no longer be silent. You no longer control us. We will not sit idly by and watch you ruin the life of the child we created. Our child cannot verbalize the pain they feel and you cannot see the damage that you are doing. I will be that voice for our child.
The laws must and will change and every target parent needs to find their voice! Stop this abuse!
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Last post of 2008
2008 was not so great.
It was filled with hate.
I hope that 2009
will be a better time.
Well that was my lame attempt at my so called "poetry". As I reflect back over the past year, I have to say that 2008 was not so great. The major story seems to be the economic problems, which has affected everyone I know.
There have been other stories as well and for target parents everywhere, their story has not changed. I am sure there are some more positive stories where parental alienation is concerned. Perhaps you are a parent that has been able to have some contact and that is great. In fact, I know of a father that did not contact with his son for over 15 years and during Christmas, he was able to see him and talk with him for the first time. I cried for him when I heard this. To those that have no idea of the heartbreak and sense of loss, you can not imagine the emotional roller coaster that target parents ride. I hope for him that this relationship will continue to grow and that he feels a sense of relief.
For the target parents that still have no contact, please do not ever give up hope and keep trying. Keep sending your letters, e-mails, text messages and other means of contact. You may not get a reply or you may get a nasty and negative reply. Do not let that deter you. Realize that those nasty and negative replies may not be what your son or daughter wants to relay to you, but remember that they are still being guided by the alienating parent. The alienating parent may be sending these messages electronically posing as the child. If you stop your contact, the alienating parent is still controlling your child and you. Your son or daughter may even call you and demand that you stop, but that alienating parent may be standing over them commanding that they say this. All research indicates that target parents who successfully reunited with their children did so because they would not give up. Don't give up!
As this year ends and a new one begins, I hope that 2009 will see changes where family law is concerned. Let's make 2009 the year of the child. The year where no child will ever have to pick one parent over the other. The year where no child will have to suffer the loss of a parent who loves them. The year where no child will have to subjected to this type of abuse again.
God Bless and Happy New Year!
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
It was filled with hate.
I hope that 2009
will be a better time.
Well that was my lame attempt at my so called "poetry". As I reflect back over the past year, I have to say that 2008 was not so great. The major story seems to be the economic problems, which has affected everyone I know.
There have been other stories as well and for target parents everywhere, their story has not changed. I am sure there are some more positive stories where parental alienation is concerned. Perhaps you are a parent that has been able to have some contact and that is great. In fact, I know of a father that did not contact with his son for over 15 years and during Christmas, he was able to see him and talk with him for the first time. I cried for him when I heard this. To those that have no idea of the heartbreak and sense of loss, you can not imagine the emotional roller coaster that target parents ride. I hope for him that this relationship will continue to grow and that he feels a sense of relief.
For the target parents that still have no contact, please do not ever give up hope and keep trying. Keep sending your letters, e-mails, text messages and other means of contact. You may not get a reply or you may get a nasty and negative reply. Do not let that deter you. Realize that those nasty and negative replies may not be what your son or daughter wants to relay to you, but remember that they are still being guided by the alienating parent. The alienating parent may be sending these messages electronically posing as the child. If you stop your contact, the alienating parent is still controlling your child and you. Your son or daughter may even call you and demand that you stop, but that alienating parent may be standing over them commanding that they say this. All research indicates that target parents who successfully reunited with their children did so because they would not give up. Don't give up!
As this year ends and a new one begins, I hope that 2009 will see changes where family law is concerned. Let's make 2009 the year of the child. The year where no child will ever have to pick one parent over the other. The year where no child will have to suffer the loss of a parent who loves them. The year where no child will have to subjected to this type of abuse again.
God Bless and Happy New Year!
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
No Child should have to experience this
WARNING: This video should tear at your heartstrings. It is rather long, but it tells a story, one that is not heard in the courts nor one that is not punished via the courts. Can we allow this continue? I urge you to watch this.
Children are in the crossfire in custody cases. Both parents should want to be part of their children's lives, but when one parent wants to punish the other parent, they use their children as pawns. Children get sick and both were able to care for the child before, but now only one parent is the so called "capable" parent. Children get grounded, but that should not mean they are grounded from parenting time with the other parent. Children should not be told that they will have a new and better daddy or mommy, they have them already. Children should not be told that they don't need the other parent anymore. Children should not be told they have to remember what they ate while at the other parent's home for fear that allegations will be made that were not fed. Alienating parents should not call their children several times a day while the other parent has parenting time, "just to check in". These tactics are used by alienating parents to coerce, brainwash and push their children into submission. These are cult like techniques. Alienating parent's hatred knows no bounds. The most severe will reuslt in allegations of domestic abuse, physical and sexual abuse of a child.
Although this video was made by a father, realize this video could have been made by a mother as well. Parental alienation knows no boundaries, it does not discriminate based on gender, race, or socioeconomic class.
Thank you to the father that made this video. My heart goes out to you, whomever you are. Let this video be a testament that no other child should ever have to experience this abuse by the hands of the alienating parent.
Alienated children need a voice, one that is not heard in the courts. Please, I beg of you, if you know of a child being alienated from their parent, BE THAT VOICE!
Stop this abuse of children! Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Personality disorders in young Americans
I came across this story today on http://www.livescience.com/health/081202-ap-personality-disorders.html posted by Lindsey Tanner, Associated Press 02 December 2008 08:28 am ET that "Almost one in five young American adults has a personality disorder that interferes with everyday life, and even more abuse alcohol or drugs, researchers reported Monday in the most extensive study of its kind.
The disorders include problems such as obsessive or compulsive tendencies and anti-social behavior that can sometimes lead to violence. The study also found that fewer than 25 percent of college-aged Americans with mental problems get treatment."
I read this and thought OMG...FINALLY someone has presented some form of documentation that young adults are affected by something perhaps in their childhood that triggers problems that will show in their adult life. I looked for the word "parental alienation" and did not find it, but it does not take some scientist, psychologist or researcher to tell a target parent that their child will most likely face some problems in their adult life due to the actions by the alienating parent. I read this: "For many, young adulthood is characterized by the pursuit of greater educational opportunities and employment prospects, development of personal relationships, and for some, parenthood," the authors said. These circumstances, they said, can result in stress that triggers the start or recurrence of psychiatric problems. "
Perhaps I missed something in this article that suggested experiences in their childhood could bring this on. So I will surmise that these disorders could be triggered from their expediences in childhood.
I think for most parents that have a child the scenario goes likes this; you enter the hospital to deliver your child and go home 1-3 days later depending upon the delivery method. You are given some information on how to care for a newborn, but most of your "knowledge and or experience" comes from personal experience and instinct. I think many draw upon their own childhood on how to raise a child. If you were brought up by the help of siblings because your parents both worked, this may be they way they were brought up. If other family members were a major influence on the upbringing, than this again may be from experience. If discipline that could border on abuse was an influence then this may be a way the parents raise their child. I think that we do as we know and that is how the cycle of abuse and or disorders keep repeating. I do believe that the cycle of abuse can be broken.
As I attempt to understand my own personal situation, I can now realize there were several red flags that I ignored. I did not understand when I was younger that the way a child treats a parent means something significant. My ex's father was very demeaning to his wife and his children disrespected her as well. It was put in such a way that it was done jokingly at her expense and she also laughed at these so called jokes. I would also find her at times crying in the basement. She would always apologize for being " so sensitive". I was not mature enough to realize that this was emotional abuse. I would become angry for her, but then his father would be very loving and all seemed well. Again, I would not realize that this a cycle of abuse by a domestic abuser. I never saw physical abuse, so therefore, I did not realize that the controlling behaviors and emotional distress was abuse. Later, I would realize that this behavior repeated itself and I was the one who was the brunt of jokes and I would be demeaned. I also learned to accept that I as being "too sensitive".
Children or young teens that see this behavior learn to accept this as normal and can repeat it because they learn through actions that this is normal. It is not normal. So yes, parenthood can trigger the stresses that are indicative of a personality disorder. They go home with the "knowledge and experience" from their own childhood and repeat the cycle of abuse.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
The disorders include problems such as obsessive or compulsive tendencies and anti-social behavior that can sometimes lead to violence. The study also found that fewer than 25 percent of college-aged Americans with mental problems get treatment."
I read this and thought OMG...FINALLY someone has presented some form of documentation that young adults are affected by something perhaps in their childhood that triggers problems that will show in their adult life. I looked for the word "parental alienation" and did not find it, but it does not take some scientist, psychologist or researcher to tell a target parent that their child will most likely face some problems in their adult life due to the actions by the alienating parent. I read this: "For many, young adulthood is characterized by the pursuit of greater educational opportunities and employment prospects, development of personal relationships, and for some, parenthood," the authors said. These circumstances, they said, can result in stress that triggers the start or recurrence of psychiatric problems. "
Perhaps I missed something in this article that suggested experiences in their childhood could bring this on. So I will surmise that these disorders could be triggered from their expediences in childhood.
I think for most parents that have a child the scenario goes likes this; you enter the hospital to deliver your child and go home 1-3 days later depending upon the delivery method. You are given some information on how to care for a newborn, but most of your "knowledge and or experience" comes from personal experience and instinct. I think many draw upon their own childhood on how to raise a child. If you were brought up by the help of siblings because your parents both worked, this may be they way they were brought up. If other family members were a major influence on the upbringing, than this again may be from experience. If discipline that could border on abuse was an influence then this may be a way the parents raise their child. I think that we do as we know and that is how the cycle of abuse and or disorders keep repeating. I do believe that the cycle of abuse can be broken.
As I attempt to understand my own personal situation, I can now realize there were several red flags that I ignored. I did not understand when I was younger that the way a child treats a parent means something significant. My ex's father was very demeaning to his wife and his children disrespected her as well. It was put in such a way that it was done jokingly at her expense and she also laughed at these so called jokes. I would also find her at times crying in the basement. She would always apologize for being " so sensitive". I was not mature enough to realize that this was emotional abuse. I would become angry for her, but then his father would be very loving and all seemed well. Again, I would not realize that this a cycle of abuse by a domestic abuser. I never saw physical abuse, so therefore, I did not realize that the controlling behaviors and emotional distress was abuse. Later, I would realize that this behavior repeated itself and I was the one who was the brunt of jokes and I would be demeaned. I also learned to accept that I as being "too sensitive".
Children or young teens that see this behavior learn to accept this as normal and can repeat it because they learn through actions that this is normal. It is not normal. So yes, parenthood can trigger the stresses that are indicative of a personality disorder. They go home with the "knowledge and experience" from their own childhood and repeat the cycle of abuse.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Actions speak louder than words
I attempt to post entries that are relevant to parental alienation, based on my own experiences and from the stories I hear from other parents. Many times I will come up with a new post based on what my recent keyword analysis has been that has lead one to my blog. I then attempt to gather my thoughts and write. I have had several keywords show up concerning personality disorders and how they ruin holidays, emotional abuse and false allegations of abuse.
I strongly believe that the alienating parent does suffer from a personality disorder, which I have written about in previous posts. I also believe that other target parents believe this as well. Proving this theory may be next to impossible though. I believe that people with the personality disorders, such as narcissism, are intelligent enough to take these mental exams and answer according to the normal society standards. I remember that both my ex spouse and I had to take this exam and he later told me what he wanted to answer for some of the questions but he didn't. Then he laughed in my face.
Some of the actions by the alienating parent are conscious and spoken to the child in their campaign to degrade the target parent. Other actions are subconscious and these unspoken actions have lasting effects. Actions speak louder than words.
Some things that come to mind that perhaps a reader could relate to are: you work with a team member that says they are for teamwork, but takes the credit for your work; a friend that says they will be there for you when needed but when you call they are busy and 'forget" to call you back; a sales person tells you what you need to hear to get the sale, but when you need customer service they claim they never said those things.
Alienating parents not only use degrading words to discredit the target parent, but they also use actions and those actions do speak louder than words. The alienating parent then also has an excuse to say they never said anything, which they didn't, but their actions spoke volumes.
The alienating parent may tell the child that their other parent does not care for them like they do. Repeating those words will not have the effect that the actions will have. The alienating parent will call the child to check up on them, not once, but several times a day. If the child is having fun with the target parent and does not answer their call, the alienating parent becomes frantic and will let the child know that they were so worried about them and not to let them worry like that again. The alienating parent may leave messages as well during the day and night to the child letting them know that they are thinking of them, they miss them and to contact them with any needs or concerns. The alienating parent will also tell them that the child can call them at any time and they will come and get them if needed. This constant phone contact keeps the child on edge and can even work in favor of the alienating parent. The child may want to call the alienating parent to tell them some great news and when the alienating parent does not answer, the child can become frantic that something terrible has happened. This is an example from my own personal experience. My son wanted to call his dad about something he did and his father did not answer the phone. Repeated calls went unanswered and my son freaked out. He started calling others that have contact with his dad asking where he was. When his dad finally answered he told him he left his cellphone in the car when he got out and was only gone a few minutes and he was sorry he missed his call. This action cemented into my son's mind that he needed to also protect his dad.
The alienating parent may verbally claim that the other parent does not feed the child. These claims can be made to child protective services as well. CPS can come and make their investigation and find that this allegation is false. The alienating parent will tell the child that the agency did not properly do their job. Their next move may be that when the child visits they bring groceries to the target parents home so the child has food to eat. There is no need for the extra food, but this is done by the alienating parent to cement the need by the child for the alienating parent. Again, these actions speak louder than words.
The alienating parent may make allegations that the target parent does not care for the child medically. They may take the child to medical professionals seeking assistance for a feigned problem that the accusation was the direct cause from the lack of care by the target parent. Of course there is no medical problem for the child, but the alienating parent is looking for a person that has the legal responsibility to make allegations of abuse against the target parent. When these actions do not result in the desired outcome, the alienating parent will tell others that these medical professionals were not doing their job.
When the target parent protests these invasions they are often told they are over reacting. Phone contact should be allowed and why are you trying to deny it? You are being ungrateful for the food brought to your home and this was done for you child. Are you denying the extra food for your child? You should be thankful that a medical problem was being addressed, are you denying medical care? This is how the alienating parents operates. The attorneys and judges look at the objections by the target parent to these intrusions and explanations that are part of the campaign of parental alienation and tell the target parent to lighten up.
Those in authority,that can put a stop to parental alienation, must realize that it is a collection of words and behaviors, conscious and subconscious, by the alienating parent and that the target parent is only trying to maintain a relationship with their children. Until then nothing will change.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I strongly believe that the alienating parent does suffer from a personality disorder, which I have written about in previous posts. I also believe that other target parents believe this as well. Proving this theory may be next to impossible though. I believe that people with the personality disorders, such as narcissism, are intelligent enough to take these mental exams and answer according to the normal society standards. I remember that both my ex spouse and I had to take this exam and he later told me what he wanted to answer for some of the questions but he didn't. Then he laughed in my face.
Some of the actions by the alienating parent are conscious and spoken to the child in their campaign to degrade the target parent. Other actions are subconscious and these unspoken actions have lasting effects. Actions speak louder than words.
Some things that come to mind that perhaps a reader could relate to are: you work with a team member that says they are for teamwork, but takes the credit for your work; a friend that says they will be there for you when needed but when you call they are busy and 'forget" to call you back; a sales person tells you what you need to hear to get the sale, but when you need customer service they claim they never said those things.
Alienating parents not only use degrading words to discredit the target parent, but they also use actions and those actions do speak louder than words. The alienating parent then also has an excuse to say they never said anything, which they didn't, but their actions spoke volumes.
The alienating parent may tell the child that their other parent does not care for them like they do. Repeating those words will not have the effect that the actions will have. The alienating parent will call the child to check up on them, not once, but several times a day. If the child is having fun with the target parent and does not answer their call, the alienating parent becomes frantic and will let the child know that they were so worried about them and not to let them worry like that again. The alienating parent may leave messages as well during the day and night to the child letting them know that they are thinking of them, they miss them and to contact them with any needs or concerns. The alienating parent will also tell them that the child can call them at any time and they will come and get them if needed. This constant phone contact keeps the child on edge and can even work in favor of the alienating parent. The child may want to call the alienating parent to tell them some great news and when the alienating parent does not answer, the child can become frantic that something terrible has happened. This is an example from my own personal experience. My son wanted to call his dad about something he did and his father did not answer the phone. Repeated calls went unanswered and my son freaked out. He started calling others that have contact with his dad asking where he was. When his dad finally answered he told him he left his cellphone in the car when he got out and was only gone a few minutes and he was sorry he missed his call. This action cemented into my son's mind that he needed to also protect his dad.
The alienating parent may verbally claim that the other parent does not feed the child. These claims can be made to child protective services as well. CPS can come and make their investigation and find that this allegation is false. The alienating parent will tell the child that the agency did not properly do their job. Their next move may be that when the child visits they bring groceries to the target parents home so the child has food to eat. There is no need for the extra food, but this is done by the alienating parent to cement the need by the child for the alienating parent. Again, these actions speak louder than words.
The alienating parent may make allegations that the target parent does not care for the child medically. They may take the child to medical professionals seeking assistance for a feigned problem that the accusation was the direct cause from the lack of care by the target parent. Of course there is no medical problem for the child, but the alienating parent is looking for a person that has the legal responsibility to make allegations of abuse against the target parent. When these actions do not result in the desired outcome, the alienating parent will tell others that these medical professionals were not doing their job.
When the target parent protests these invasions they are often told they are over reacting. Phone contact should be allowed and why are you trying to deny it? You are being ungrateful for the food brought to your home and this was done for you child. Are you denying the extra food for your child? You should be thankful that a medical problem was being addressed, are you denying medical care? This is how the alienating parents operates. The attorneys and judges look at the objections by the target parent to these intrusions and explanations that are part of the campaign of parental alienation and tell the target parent to lighten up.
Those in authority,that can put a stop to parental alienation, must realize that it is a collection of words and behaviors, conscious and subconscious, by the alienating parent and that the target parent is only trying to maintain a relationship with their children. Until then nothing will change.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Could there be a correlation?
I strongly believe that allowing a child to continue to grow up in an environment that encourages parental alienation, that there has to be side effects that affect the child's emotional development. They are most likely going to believe that this behavior is acceptable and will continue these behaviors in their own relationships, thus becoming the alienator themselves. They are likely to become ridden with guilt, once they gain some maturity. I do not believe these children will have the capability to ever have a "normal" relationship with others. They may believe that one can lie and be deceitful to gain what they want. They are also likely to reject authoritative figures and have the attitude that they are "above the law" and do not have to follow rules or laws. I pretty much believe that these behaviors are a given considering the behaviors that they have experienced while growing up and developing emotionally.
A child's behavior is influenced not only by what goes on in the environment in which they live, but also by what they observe in adults. Their behaviors are learned through association, imitation, observation, pressure, needs, wants, influence and desires.
This brings me to what I want to talk about today. Could there be a correlation between crime committed by minors under the age of 18 and parental alienation? There are documented research cases that indicate that children from single parent homes are more likely to be involved in criminal activity. I found this quote, "According to one study, children raised in single-parent families are one-third more likely to exhibit anti-social behavior". I can find documentation that children raised without fathers also have a higher criminal activity as well. I found these quotes; "Nearly 70 percent of juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes, as do 43 percent of prison inmates". " Research indicates a direct correlation between crime rates and the number of single-parent families in a neighborhood".
It does not matter if these children were raised without a father or a mother, these children did not obviously have the interaction of the other parent. I have to wonder why. Parents walk away from their children and we tend to hear that it is the father that does this. So is he the dead beat dad? Why? What circumstances lead up to his leaving? I do believe that some parents, both mothers and fathers, fit the typical media description of a dead beat parent, but I think many parents want the involvement and can not possibly jump through the hoops that the custodial parent and the courts demand. For example, I know of one father that worked the night shift. He was only allowed to see his child during the week and during specific daylight hours. His job had mandatory overtime and he worked a Monday through Friday shift. He was not allowed to see his child during the weekend. So he was to work, sleep, and see his child when the courts said so and if overtime, which was mandatory, interfered with his visitation, he could not see his child on a weekend when he did not work. I know of a mother who worked a night shift as well, but was told by the courts that she could not work this shift more than two nights per week or she could not have access to her children. So are they deadbeat parents or parents that cannot possibly conform to the ridiculous rules set upon them? Let me also state that before someone wants to state that the parent should have adjusted their work schedule or found a new job. Child support is based upon the income that this parent was making. Your spouse worked this job and you enjoyed this income prior to the divorce and expect the same level of lifestyle. You made arrangements, when married, based on your spouses work schedule for child care, so you could have this level of lifestyle, but now that you are divorced, you expect your spouse to continue this income without any compromises. This could be one major reason that a parent so called walks away. They don't want to, but they cannot do what is demanded.
So how does parental alienation fit into this scenario? The constraints set forth by a vindictive spouse allows them to make statements such as " we do not have the money because your dad or mom......" "Your father or mother changed jobs and makes less now, but we don't have the money for....." " I am sorry you did not get to spend time with your dad or mom this time, their works means more to them than you"
In parental alienation cases, there is a pattern of abuse; false allegations, refusal of parenting time, lies and deceit. The child learns that deceit gains the parent something, even if for a short period of time. They also learn that this misrepresentation goes unpunished. False allegations of abuse in divorce is an epidemic. Children are becoming the heirs to hatred passed down to them from their parents. This is all that they know, and they in turn foster this pain, hatred and deceptiveness in their own adult relationships.
Have you listened to the news? Have you listened to the description of the crimes committed? Have you listened to the ages of the suspects? Where do these children get these ideas to commit these crimes? Could it be that they see a parent, that does not set an example, that if you do not follow the rules and laws that the punishment is nothing more than a slap on the wrist?
If anyone thinks that parental alienation is nothing more than hogwash and that these children will not suffer some consequences, then all I have to say is to take off your blindfolds and open your ears.
This presidential election campaign was about change. We can either change the laws regarding custody issues or we can see a change in the amount of dysfunctional families, which will increase the crime. Now it is up to you, to help change the laws about custody. Do not empower a child, that has no idea of what they are doing and punish these parents that make these false allegations of abuse and damage their children by their alienating behaviors.
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!
A child's behavior is influenced not only by what goes on in the environment in which they live, but also by what they observe in adults. Their behaviors are learned through association, imitation, observation, pressure, needs, wants, influence and desires.
This brings me to what I want to talk about today. Could there be a correlation between crime committed by minors under the age of 18 and parental alienation? There are documented research cases that indicate that children from single parent homes are more likely to be involved in criminal activity. I found this quote, "According to one study, children raised in single-parent families are one-third more likely to exhibit anti-social behavior". I can find documentation that children raised without fathers also have a higher criminal activity as well. I found these quotes; "Nearly 70 percent of juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes, as do 43 percent of prison inmates". " Research indicates a direct correlation between crime rates and the number of single-parent families in a neighborhood".
It does not matter if these children were raised without a father or a mother, these children did not obviously have the interaction of the other parent. I have to wonder why. Parents walk away from their children and we tend to hear that it is the father that does this. So is he the dead beat dad? Why? What circumstances lead up to his leaving? I do believe that some parents, both mothers and fathers, fit the typical media description of a dead beat parent, but I think many parents want the involvement and can not possibly jump through the hoops that the custodial parent and the courts demand. For example, I know of one father that worked the night shift. He was only allowed to see his child during the week and during specific daylight hours. His job had mandatory overtime and he worked a Monday through Friday shift. He was not allowed to see his child during the weekend. So he was to work, sleep, and see his child when the courts said so and if overtime, which was mandatory, interfered with his visitation, he could not see his child on a weekend when he did not work. I know of a mother who worked a night shift as well, but was told by the courts that she could not work this shift more than two nights per week or she could not have access to her children. So are they deadbeat parents or parents that cannot possibly conform to the ridiculous rules set upon them? Let me also state that before someone wants to state that the parent should have adjusted their work schedule or found a new job. Child support is based upon the income that this parent was making. Your spouse worked this job and you enjoyed this income prior to the divorce and expect the same level of lifestyle. You made arrangements, when married, based on your spouses work schedule for child care, so you could have this level of lifestyle, but now that you are divorced, you expect your spouse to continue this income without any compromises. This could be one major reason that a parent so called walks away. They don't want to, but they cannot do what is demanded.
So how does parental alienation fit into this scenario? The constraints set forth by a vindictive spouse allows them to make statements such as " we do not have the money because your dad or mom......" "Your father or mother changed jobs and makes less now, but we don't have the money for....." " I am sorry you did not get to spend time with your dad or mom this time, their works means more to them than you"
In parental alienation cases, there is a pattern of abuse; false allegations, refusal of parenting time, lies and deceit. The child learns that deceit gains the parent something, even if for a short period of time. They also learn that this misrepresentation goes unpunished. False allegations of abuse in divorce is an epidemic. Children are becoming the heirs to hatred passed down to them from their parents. This is all that they know, and they in turn foster this pain, hatred and deceptiveness in their own adult relationships.
Have you listened to the news? Have you listened to the description of the crimes committed? Have you listened to the ages of the suspects? Where do these children get these ideas to commit these crimes? Could it be that they see a parent, that does not set an example, that if you do not follow the rules and laws that the punishment is nothing more than a slap on the wrist?
If anyone thinks that parental alienation is nothing more than hogwash and that these children will not suffer some consequences, then all I have to say is to take off your blindfolds and open your ears.
This presidential election campaign was about change. We can either change the laws regarding custody issues or we can see a change in the amount of dysfunctional families, which will increase the crime. Now it is up to you, to help change the laws about custody. Do not empower a child, that has no idea of what they are doing and punish these parents that make these false allegations of abuse and damage their children by their alienating behaviors.
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Understanding the Obsessive Alienator part 1
As a target parent myself, I am constantly trying to understand the dynamics of what makes the obsessed alienator tick. My simple answer is that my ex is a jerk who wants revenge for some perceived wrong that I did to him. That really does not explain why either. As for other parents who read this blog, they want to know why their alienating spouse or ex spouse is participating in these behaviors as well. For those that read this blog who have never experienced parental alienation, they may be wanting to understand as well. To preface this, I must say that I do not think that most can comprehend why the obsessed alienator behaves the way they do and that the obsessed alienator cannot give definitive reasoning with solid and undisputed facts to support their actions.
I believe that the obsessed alienator has characteristics of either a personality disorder or some emotional disorder. I believe that the obsessed alienator tends to either fall within the clinical descriptions for narcissism, sociopath or psychopath or may even possess characteristics of each of these disorders.
Obsessed alienators will use an array of tactics to "win". These tactics could be, but are not limited to; excessive litigation, alienating the child against the target parent, employing others in malicious actions against their ex spouse, lying, deception, false allegations of abuse and interference with visitation with the target parent. Theses actions could be repeated reports to child services for abuse. They will enlist the help of others to make these reports as well. They may go as far as taking the child to medical professionals, that have never had seen the child, and make accusations of abuse. They may contact teachers and remind them that they have a duty to report abuse and may even appear aggressive in their suggestions. Seeking the aid of other medical professionals and teachers can be done in the process of the initial alienation or after the alienating parent has exhausted their means through their own reports and reports made by the concerned friends and family that support the alienating parent. Lies could include allegations of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, allegations of abuse against the child and mental instability alleged against the target parent to authorities. These allegations could also be made against a supportive partner of the target parent. With each allegation, there is some form of expense involved for the target parent. These can include court appearances and attorney fees. The obsessed alienator will impede visitation and use a number of tactics to prevent contact and will be persistent in their efforts. These can include phone calls not being answered or messages returned, disconnected phone numbers, email interference, postal mail not being delivered, refusal to cooperate in letting the other parent know about school functions, refusal to allow the other parent to have copies of school pictures and much more.
I believe that these tactics are used in a quest by the alienating parent to strip the target parent of their parental rights. They are not content with just winning custody, but want the other parent completely eliminated from the child's life. This is more than just denying the child or children access to the other parent, this is done to eliminate the other parent. It is done to make them non existent.
Today I will focus on the narcissist personality. I could write several pages describing this, but I will assume that you, as a reader, has suspicions or some knowledge of the narcissistic personality.
I believe that the obsessed alienator has characteristics of either a personality disorder or some emotional disorder. I believe that the obsessed alienator tends to either fall within the clinical descriptions for narcissism, sociopath or psychopath or may even possess characteristics of each of these disorders.
Obsessed alienators will use an array of tactics to "win". These tactics could be, but are not limited to; excessive litigation, alienating the child against the target parent, employing others in malicious actions against their ex spouse, lying, deception, false allegations of abuse and interference with visitation with the target parent. Theses actions could be repeated reports to child services for abuse. They will enlist the help of others to make these reports as well. They may go as far as taking the child to medical professionals, that have never had seen the child, and make accusations of abuse. They may contact teachers and remind them that they have a duty to report abuse and may even appear aggressive in their suggestions. Seeking the aid of other medical professionals and teachers can be done in the process of the initial alienation or after the alienating parent has exhausted their means through their own reports and reports made by the concerned friends and family that support the alienating parent. Lies could include allegations of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, allegations of abuse against the child and mental instability alleged against the target parent to authorities. These allegations could also be made against a supportive partner of the target parent. With each allegation, there is some form of expense involved for the target parent. These can include court appearances and attorney fees. The obsessed alienator will impede visitation and use a number of tactics to prevent contact and will be persistent in their efforts. These can include phone calls not being answered or messages returned, disconnected phone numbers, email interference, postal mail not being delivered, refusal to cooperate in letting the other parent know about school functions, refusal to allow the other parent to have copies of school pictures and much more.
I believe that these tactics are used in a quest by the alienating parent to strip the target parent of their parental rights. They are not content with just winning custody, but want the other parent completely eliminated from the child's life. This is more than just denying the child or children access to the other parent, this is done to eliminate the other parent. It is done to make them non existent.
Today I will focus on the narcissist personality. I could write several pages describing this, but I will assume that you, as a reader, has suspicions or some knowledge of the narcissistic personality.
Narcissists will and do contradict everything they say, but will do it in such a way, that you will question your own sanity. They will contradict things that you know as fact, things you have experienced together and even contradict their explanations. You cannot reason with a narcissist and I would not suggest trying. You have to keep precise notes and if at all possible, have another person with you on any contact that you will have that can serve as a witness to what was said. You will not win a he said, she said argument with a narcissus. Narcissists do not feel empathy and will feign sympathy to gain your "trust". The more one opens up to a narcissist, the more the narcissist has as tools against you.
Narcissists are competitive and envious. They believe they deserve more and could do whatever project better. In my experience of living with a narcissistic I found that I was told how to dress, behave and how to have my home present as the narcissist is always trying to live up to some perceived idea of success. The phrase that comes to mind is "keeping up with the Joneses". We had to fit this idealistic perception that we were of some social class, some upper class society. This is where one can alienate a narcissist by questioning them. The narcissistic can appear and even talk in social circles that are out of their league, but further questioning will bring the truth. A narcissus does not want to be found that their projection is a lie. Of course doing this brings the wrath that only a narcissistic person can deliver.
Narcissists are critical of personal criticism, but are very critical of others. One thing that comes to mind is the hurricanes that hit, especially Katrina. My ex's attitude was that these people that lived so close to the coast knew of the dangers and it is their fault. If you have criticized a narcissus, then you are well aware of the wrath you will receive. Criticism also puts them at a disadvantage and you can use this to your advantage. You just have to listen very well and keep very detailed notes and or recordings.
Narcissists are sarcastic and attempt to use sarcasm as their joking mechanism. Comments I have heard my ex say to his mother, myself and in the background when talking to my son were: The cookies are burnt on the bottom, must be they are done, Oh look she burnt dinner again, Dinner is not done till the roast is burnt and much more. This is their idea of humor and it is always at the expense of another.
Narcissists feel they are entitled to things. Be it a better job, house and possessions. To gain these material attributes they will lie and steal to achieve this perception. Do not expect a narcissist to be overindulgent with you after they have captured the prey though. Perception to others that they are better and have more is important to them. I could further elaborate on my personal experiences, but will refrain at this moment. Suffice it as my ex has records of theft, embezzlement and forgery, all of which are public record.
Narcissists are manipulative, cunning, deceitful, controlling, charming and persistent. If they feel they can win you over and gain something or take something from you, they will stop at nothing to reach their goal.
Although this may not help you understand many things, remember that once you were dazzled by your ex's behavior, demeanor and bullshit. They captured your attention and love and you gave your all to them. They did not return the level of love that you gave them and they are doing the same to your child. Only when you realized the lies and deceptions could you separate yourself and it took time to realize this. Your child will too one day realize this as well. When? I cannot answer that. You have to have faith that your child or children will eventually get tired of being held hostage in mind, soul and body, just like you did.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
False Allegations of abuse
As usual, I am researching parental alienation and found some more information. I came across this site today: http://jsoltys.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/false-allegations-a-true-storymaking-sense-of-it-all/
This is a story told by a friend of the tribulations that many target parents experience and that is false allegations. The author writes "This is a true story describing what a friend of mine is presently going through. I never thought I would be writing about the realities of false allegations from such a personal perspective. However, this experience has shown me the extent of the damage done to those falsely accused." The author goes on to write some conversation between him and his friend, Josh, who is going through a divorce. "Didn’t anybody stop to think how an angry, vindictive person can use these laws to ruin another person’s life? What the hell kinda of democracy do we live in”
This really hit home with me. I was falsely accused of child abuse. I was notified at first by a message left on my answering service that my son had been taken into "protective custody". My first thought was " Oh my God, what has happened?" Never did the thought that my ex would abuse our child enter my mind. Granted my ex is no saint and is abusive, but never did I think he would hurt our child. He was abusive to his wives, which by now he has several ex wives, all whom have reports of domestic violence against them by his hands. He has children from another marriage and from our union as well, and he always "appeared" to love his children. Therefore, I had other unimaginable thoughts racing through my mind as to what could have happened that would warrant such a message left for me.
Little did I know, that I entered a world of false allegations and nothing can be done to those that make these allegations.
I would spend the week after I received this message in a state of confusion and desperation. Sleeping, eating and my well being took a back seat. Pretty much the next five or more days were a blur to me. I talked to anyone that would listen at anytime of the day or night. I could not eat, I could not sleep. By day five, my body had enough. Without sleep and proper nutrition, I was experiencing heart palpitations and mental breakdown. I could either continue on this self destruction or gather the strength to fight with all I had. I chose to fight and to do that, I had to pull myself together.
I remember after the accusations against me, gathering my own evidence and being interrogated by these so called professionals doing the investigation. I would learn from their comments on visits to my home, some of the other allegations made against me. The investigator came in and sat down and immediately stated " house is clean". I wondered, "what does that mean?" I realized an allegation had been made that my house was not clean. This was another accusation in an attempt to strip me of my parental rights. The investigator had to take pictures of my refrigerator and pantry, because an allegation was made that I do not have food in my house and I do not feed my son. When the investigator took the pictures he made the comment that "drug dealers do not have food in their homes." Again, I would realize that this was another allegation against me.
For as preposterous as this and the other blog sounds about false allegations, I must say these false allegations exist and are investigated. There is no accountability against those that make these false allegations. They are protected because they made them in good faith. When these investigators come in and do their assessment and find that the allegations have no merit, I feel they should return to the complainant and file charges. That will never happen and this cycle of abuse will continue.
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!
This is a story told by a friend of the tribulations that many target parents experience and that is false allegations. The author writes "This is a true story describing what a friend of mine is presently going through. I never thought I would be writing about the realities of false allegations from such a personal perspective. However, this experience has shown me the extent of the damage done to those falsely accused." The author goes on to write some conversation between him and his friend, Josh, who is going through a divorce. "Didn’t anybody stop to think how an angry, vindictive person can use these laws to ruin another person’s life? What the hell kinda of democracy do we live in”
This really hit home with me. I was falsely accused of child abuse. I was notified at first by a message left on my answering service that my son had been taken into "protective custody". My first thought was " Oh my God, what has happened?" Never did the thought that my ex would abuse our child enter my mind. Granted my ex is no saint and is abusive, but never did I think he would hurt our child. He was abusive to his wives, which by now he has several ex wives, all whom have reports of domestic violence against them by his hands. He has children from another marriage and from our union as well, and he always "appeared" to love his children. Therefore, I had other unimaginable thoughts racing through my mind as to what could have happened that would warrant such a message left for me.
Little did I know, that I entered a world of false allegations and nothing can be done to those that make these allegations.
I would spend the week after I received this message in a state of confusion and desperation. Sleeping, eating and my well being took a back seat. Pretty much the next five or more days were a blur to me. I talked to anyone that would listen at anytime of the day or night. I could not eat, I could not sleep. By day five, my body had enough. Without sleep and proper nutrition, I was experiencing heart palpitations and mental breakdown. I could either continue on this self destruction or gather the strength to fight with all I had. I chose to fight and to do that, I had to pull myself together.
I remember after the accusations against me, gathering my own evidence and being interrogated by these so called professionals doing the investigation. I would learn from their comments on visits to my home, some of the other allegations made against me. The investigator came in and sat down and immediately stated " house is clean". I wondered, "what does that mean?" I realized an allegation had been made that my house was not clean. This was another accusation in an attempt to strip me of my parental rights. The investigator had to take pictures of my refrigerator and pantry, because an allegation was made that I do not have food in my house and I do not feed my son. When the investigator took the pictures he made the comment that "drug dealers do not have food in their homes." Again, I would realize that this was another allegation against me.
For as preposterous as this and the other blog sounds about false allegations, I must say these false allegations exist and are investigated. There is no accountability against those that make these false allegations. They are protected because they made them in good faith. When these investigators come in and do their assessment and find that the allegations have no merit, I feel they should return to the complainant and file charges. That will never happen and this cycle of abuse will continue.
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!
My response to two comments:
I made this post: http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/2008/11/parental-alienation.html on November 14, 2008 and have received two comments and I thought I would expand upon what the two commentators said.
I attempt to end each entry with this statement: "Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse! " I do this because parental alienation is ABUSE and I feel that it is the most atrocious acts of abuse that a parent can do their child. To encourage a child to have hatred, disgust and anger towards the other parent is despicable. When a parent encourages a child to have these feelings, when there is no evidence of abuse and the allegations can not be substantiated, then the so called adults of the ruling system need to act.
Attorney's that represent these clients that make these claims and encourage others to make these claims, need to remove themselves as the representing party and make notations to the next attorney. They need to state the reasons why they so the next attorney that the alienator will attempt to hire will have a so called heads up. This of course will violate some attorney client confidentiality clause, so this is a mute point. The judges that hear the arguments from both attorneys need to realize that false allegations of abuse happen more often than not in highly contested cases. I feel that these judges may actually realize this, but are unwilling to make a statement that will send a very distinct message to these alienators. Judges need to stop relying on the impossible that two alleged adults can find a common ground (the child) and do what is best for the child. The target parent wants the best for the child and will compromise even more than what they would like to do. The alienator has one goal in mind and that is to ruin the target parent. They do not care about the best interests of the child.
Judges need to enforce visitation rights for the target parent and to enforce punishment against the alienating parent. This "do not do this act again" and " do not be in my courtroom for this again" , only buys the alienating parent time to continue their harassment of the child, target parent and the judicial system. Judges do not need to feel that they will cause more problems by forcing a child, who may be of that age where their opinion can be heard. Children need both parents. If the judge feels that he is sparing the target parent from more harassment by the alienating parent, and possible emotional ups and downs by a target parent attempting to reestablish the relationship, the judges need to realize that being away from our children hurts more than what we will have to deal with. Give the target parents support through the judicial system, that is all we ask. Do not place weight on what the child claims he does not want to spend time with his mother or father. Barring any abuse, do you think a child can willingly verbalize their true wishes? If this is the case, then let these children tell you they do want to go to school this week because they have a test they do not want to take. Let them tell you they do not want to attend church because they have to get up too early. Let them tell you they do not want to study because their favorite shows are on TV, or they have other plans. If a child came into a judges chambers with these requests the judge would promptly show them the door and tell them to listen to their parents. But for some reason these same judges listen when a child says they do not want to have contact with a parent. If there is no abuse and the evidence supports that one parent is attempting to limit contact with the other parent, or to even stop contact then these same judges need to check their testicles.
Target parents are not coming to court alleging abuse against the alienating parent. They are coming to court to fight for what is rightfully theirs and that is contact with their children. Quit postponing court dates, quit letting a minor dictate your rulings. quit giving the alienating parents a chance to redeem themselves. Stand up for what is right! Grab your testicles and rule against the alienating parent and enforce visitation for the target parent and impose punishment for violation of your ruling.
Unless someone takes a stand, this will continue. People will need counseling and people will still need attorneys and judges, but why make innocent children grow up this way?
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!
I attempt to end each entry with this statement: "Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse! " I do this because parental alienation is ABUSE and I feel that it is the most atrocious acts of abuse that a parent can do their child. To encourage a child to have hatred, disgust and anger towards the other parent is despicable. When a parent encourages a child to have these feelings, when there is no evidence of abuse and the allegations can not be substantiated, then the so called adults of the ruling system need to act.
Attorney's that represent these clients that make these claims and encourage others to make these claims, need to remove themselves as the representing party and make notations to the next attorney. They need to state the reasons why they so the next attorney that the alienator will attempt to hire will have a so called heads up. This of course will violate some attorney client confidentiality clause, so this is a mute point. The judges that hear the arguments from both attorneys need to realize that false allegations of abuse happen more often than not in highly contested cases. I feel that these judges may actually realize this, but are unwilling to make a statement that will send a very distinct message to these alienators. Judges need to stop relying on the impossible that two alleged adults can find a common ground (the child) and do what is best for the child. The target parent wants the best for the child and will compromise even more than what they would like to do. The alienator has one goal in mind and that is to ruin the target parent. They do not care about the best interests of the child.
Judges need to enforce visitation rights for the target parent and to enforce punishment against the alienating parent. This "do not do this act again" and " do not be in my courtroom for this again" , only buys the alienating parent time to continue their harassment of the child, target parent and the judicial system. Judges do not need to feel that they will cause more problems by forcing a child, who may be of that age where their opinion can be heard. Children need both parents. If the judge feels that he is sparing the target parent from more harassment by the alienating parent, and possible emotional ups and downs by a target parent attempting to reestablish the relationship, the judges need to realize that being away from our children hurts more than what we will have to deal with. Give the target parents support through the judicial system, that is all we ask. Do not place weight on what the child claims he does not want to spend time with his mother or father. Barring any abuse, do you think a child can willingly verbalize their true wishes? If this is the case, then let these children tell you they do want to go to school this week because they have a test they do not want to take. Let them tell you they do not want to attend church because they have to get up too early. Let them tell you they do not want to study because their favorite shows are on TV, or they have other plans. If a child came into a judges chambers with these requests the judge would promptly show them the door and tell them to listen to their parents. But for some reason these same judges listen when a child says they do not want to have contact with a parent. If there is no abuse and the evidence supports that one parent is attempting to limit contact with the other parent, or to even stop contact then these same judges need to check their testicles.
Target parents are not coming to court alleging abuse against the alienating parent. They are coming to court to fight for what is rightfully theirs and that is contact with their children. Quit postponing court dates, quit letting a minor dictate your rulings. quit giving the alienating parents a chance to redeem themselves. Stand up for what is right! Grab your testicles and rule against the alienating parent and enforce visitation for the target parent and impose punishment for violation of your ruling.
Unless someone takes a stand, this will continue. People will need counseling and people will still need attorneys and judges, but why make innocent children grow up this way?
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Parental Alienation
I constantly look for articles about parental alienation. For one, it helps me understand that this DOES exist, even though the courts seem to do nothing about it. Today I came across an article and will include a portion of it.
"In summary, does alienation of one parent by another parent happen? Absolutely! It
typically occurs in situations in which the emotional dysfunction is very high, a personality
disorder may be present, there is an escalating situation involving hatred and anger between
the parents, and the children are the ones who are negatively impacted to the greatest degree.
Despite all of the research that is now available demonstrating that children need access to
both their mother and their father, some parents conclude that a child does not need the other
parent. Is this abuse? In my opinion, yes! Is it an example of family violence? To some
extent, yes! Does the situation tend to be tolerated or ignored by the legal process until it
becomes very severe and almost impossible to reverse? In my experience, that typically
happens all too often. It is becoming increasingly obvious to anyone who practices within the
area of family law that the direction we need to take is to reduce conflict, keep matters out of
the Court if at all possible, facilitate ongoing relationships between children and both of their
parents, and develop better ways of dispute resolution than by always ending up in front of a
Judge. If we are not successful in this quest, we are going to see increasing numbers of
children who are negatively impacted by an ongoing acrimonious relationship between their
parents."
Dr. Larry Waterman is a psychologist practicing in Nanaimo who has provided assessment reports to the Court for twenty-six years.
http://www.nanaimomen.com/pdf/pa/L_Waterman_on_PA_041608.pdf
It seems that every article that I read, I see reference to some sort of personality disorder concerning the alienating parent. There also seems to be reference to a need for control by the alienating parent as well.
What really struck me in the above referenced article was where Dr. Waterman states " some parents conclude that a child does not need the other parent." My ex stated that our son "does not need his mother" to several people. These type of statements should immediately send off ringing bells, waving flags and flashing lights in the minds of anyone that hears these types of statements. This should be an immediate warning sign that something is amiss. When I objected to my ex's statement, he was eloquent in his response. His reasoning and manner of speaking was intentional and done in such a way, that I was portrayed as overprotective. I was overprotective of our son, but for reasons that I have not revealed yet. Those reasons were not to prevent contact or visitation with his father though. This is how obsessive alienating parents operate. Their method and behaviors are manipulative, cunning and deceitful. They will take a statement and turn it inside out and construe it into something completely different.
Target parents will tell you that grass is green and the sky is blue. Obsessive alienating parents will argue that grass is blue and the sky is green and will have you believing that is true. One cannot effectively give reasonable explanations to an obsessive alienating parent and expect to succeed in their discussion. Obsessive alienating parents are in a class all their own.
The sad part is that the children are the ones that are true victims in this. They have lost the parent that has the best interests at heart and have gained manipulation and lies as qualities to live by.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
"In summary, does alienation of one parent by another parent happen? Absolutely! It
typically occurs in situations in which the emotional dysfunction is very high, a personality
disorder may be present, there is an escalating situation involving hatred and anger between
the parents, and the children are the ones who are negatively impacted to the greatest degree.
Despite all of the research that is now available demonstrating that children need access to
both their mother and their father, some parents conclude that a child does not need the other
parent. Is this abuse? In my opinion, yes! Is it an example of family violence? To some
extent, yes! Does the situation tend to be tolerated or ignored by the legal process until it
becomes very severe and almost impossible to reverse? In my experience, that typically
happens all too often. It is becoming increasingly obvious to anyone who practices within the
area of family law that the direction we need to take is to reduce conflict, keep matters out of
the Court if at all possible, facilitate ongoing relationships between children and both of their
parents, and develop better ways of dispute resolution than by always ending up in front of a
Judge. If we are not successful in this quest, we are going to see increasing numbers of
children who are negatively impacted by an ongoing acrimonious relationship between their
parents."
Dr. Larry Waterman is a psychologist practicing in Nanaimo who has provided assessment reports to the Court for twenty-six years.
http://www.nanaimomen.com/pdf/pa/L_Waterman_on_PA_041608.pdf
It seems that every article that I read, I see reference to some sort of personality disorder concerning the alienating parent. There also seems to be reference to a need for control by the alienating parent as well.
What really struck me in the above referenced article was where Dr. Waterman states " some parents conclude that a child does not need the other parent." My ex stated that our son "does not need his mother" to several people. These type of statements should immediately send off ringing bells, waving flags and flashing lights in the minds of anyone that hears these types of statements. This should be an immediate warning sign that something is amiss. When I objected to my ex's statement, he was eloquent in his response. His reasoning and manner of speaking was intentional and done in such a way, that I was portrayed as overprotective. I was overprotective of our son, but for reasons that I have not revealed yet. Those reasons were not to prevent contact or visitation with his father though. This is how obsessive alienating parents operate. Their method and behaviors are manipulative, cunning and deceitful. They will take a statement and turn it inside out and construe it into something completely different.
Target parents will tell you that grass is green and the sky is blue. Obsessive alienating parents will argue that grass is blue and the sky is green and will have you believing that is true. One cannot effectively give reasonable explanations to an obsessive alienating parent and expect to succeed in their discussion. Obsessive alienating parents are in a class all their own.
The sad part is that the children are the ones that are true victims in this. They have lost the parent that has the best interests at heart and have gained manipulation and lies as qualities to live by.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Best interests of the child
The courts are supposed to use the best interests of the child when determining custody issues. Unfortunately I do not believe that the courts actually follow this doctrine when an alienating parent is determined to obtain custody. I think the courts fail miserably to ascertain each and every aspect of what each suggested factor encompasses. I believe too much weight is given to the child's preference without further investigation as to why the child feels so determined to change primary residence.
I found this historical synopsis today.
Until the early 1900s, fathers were given custody of the children in case of divorce. Many U.S. states then shifted from this standard to one that completely favored the mother as the primary caregiver. In the 1970s, the tender years doctrine was replaced by the best interests of the child as determined by family courts. Because many family courts continue to give great weight to the traditional role of the mother as the primary caregiver, application of this standard in custody has historically tended to favor the mother of the children.
The "best interests of the child" doctrine is sometimes used in cases where non-parents, such as grandparents, ask a court to order non-parent visitation with a child. Some parents, usually those who are not awarded custody, say that using the "best interests of the child" doctrine in non-parent visitation cases fails to protect a fit parent's fundamental right to raise their child in the manner they see fit.
In this article, you will find a summary of state laws regarding this doctrine.
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/best_interestall.pdf
“Best interests of the child” generally refers to the
deliberation that courts undertake when deciding
who is best suited to take care of a child. Factors
that may be considered by the court when making a
best interests determination can include:
The age and sex of the child
The mental and physical health of the child
The mental and physical health of the parents
The lifestyle and other social factors of the parents
The emotional ties between the parents and the child
The ability of the parents to provide the child with food,
shelter, clothing, and medical care
The child’s established ties to school, home, community, and
religious institutions
The child’s preference
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.
I found this historical synopsis today.
Until the early 1900s, fathers were given custody of the children in case of divorce. Many U.S. states then shifted from this standard to one that completely favored the mother as the primary caregiver. In the 1970s, the tender years doctrine was replaced by the best interests of the child as determined by family courts. Because many family courts continue to give great weight to the traditional role of the mother as the primary caregiver, application of this standard in custody has historically tended to favor the mother of the children.
The "best interests of the child" doctrine is sometimes used in cases where non-parents, such as grandparents, ask a court to order non-parent visitation with a child. Some parents, usually those who are not awarded custody, say that using the "best interests of the child" doctrine in non-parent visitation cases fails to protect a fit parent's fundamental right to raise their child in the manner they see fit.
In this article, you will find a summary of state laws regarding this doctrine.
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/best_interestall.pdf
“Best interests of the child” generally refers to the
deliberation that courts undertake when deciding
who is best suited to take care of a child. Factors
that may be considered by the court when making a
best interests determination can include:
The age and sex of the child
The mental and physical health of the child
The mental and physical health of the parents
The lifestyle and other social factors of the parents
The emotional ties between the parents and the child
The ability of the parents to provide the child with food,
shelter, clothing, and medical care
The child’s established ties to school, home, community, and
religious institutions
The child’s preference
Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Time for change
It is time for a change in the family law area regarding the custody of minor children. I most certainly do not have the answers nor do I have every idea possible to prevent the abuse of children by the courts and by parents who are obsessed with alienating the affection of their children from the other parent. I can only offer some suggestions and do not know how these suggestions could be implemented to protect the children and the parents affected by parental alienation.
I have never entertained the thought of obtaining a prenuptial agreement. Had this been suggested to me prior to my marriage, my first impression would have been that my spouse may not take marriage seriously and that divorce may be something they could foresee. Marriage in my mind was a commitment made and was for better or worse, not for when something better comes along. I also thought prenuptial agreements were for the rich and famous, not for some young couple struggling to set up a home. I have given some thought to this and after my own personal doubts as to motive why one would be a good idea, I have this to offer.
A prenuptial agreement would provide a binding legal contract with the courts concerning the distribution of personal property and financial assets brought into and acquired during the marriage. This would stop all the nit picking arguments in court about possessions and could speed up the divorce case and possibly save some money in the process. Prenuptial agreements also have to be fair so that one spouse is not left destitute. Of course full disclosure of all assets is a must. If the soon to be spouse hesitates at the idea of fairness, then I would say forget marrying this person. I also believe that having a prenuptial agreement could prevent some power plays by a controlling partner. For example, if you let me have this, I will not fight for sole custody of the children. I would rather not suggest what a prenuptial agreement should have stated, but would rather suggest that one seek legal guidance.
I believe that that pre-marital counseling or education classes be mandatory prior to marriage. In this article:
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=weblog&id=82&wlid=6&cn=289
It states: “A nice article in the Journal of Family Psychology (March 2006, Vol. 20, No. 1, 117-126) by research psychologist Scott Stanley, titled "Premarital Education, Marital Quality, and Marital Stability: Findings From a Large, Random Household Survey" presents evidence from a four state survey of over 3000 homes (representing a wide range of economic, ethic and cultural groupings in Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas and Kansas) that pre-marital counseling helps to make marriages healthy and strong. If this finding was ever in doubt, it should no longer be. “ “Couples in the survey that participated in pre-marital counseling were, on average, 31% less likely to divorce in any given year of their marriage than couples who did not benefit from this counseling. They were also more likely than un-counseled couples to report higher marital satisfaction, lower marital conflict and greater levels of commitment.”
Hire a competent attorney who understands what parental alienation is. I think this is one area where you get what you pay for. Do not base your choice by the amount of the retainer and fees. Also get a fee schedule from your attorney. I would ask others for recommendations of attorneys and ask why they recommend them. Do not be afraid to fire your attorney, if they are not doing the job you expect them to do. You will have to lay out more money to do this, but you cannot be standing there on the day your divorce is to be final and realize you have been screwed. This is from personal experience.
Mediation should be the route for most divorces and custody cases. You feel empowered as you have a say in the outcome of your case. The problem with mediation is that there is a compromise that will and must take place for mediation to work. In cases where one parent is the obsessed alienator, mediation will never work. The obsessed alienator will refuse to budge on issues and will bully you. The obsessed alienator will maintain control.
Prior to any divorce with a custody issue, there should be mandatory parenting and or counseling classes, where both parents must attend together. I am not sure of the mandated states that require this or of the mandated sessions that are required. I think a minimum of a 12 week in depth parenting with counseling sessions should be required. I am sure many would think that this is too much and some may be thinking 12 more weeks that I must interact with my soon to be ex. This is not about you, but about your children.
I also think that custody orders should spell out exact times, dates and locations for visitation, as well as who is responsible for transportation. The typical every other weekend and Wednesday night visitation leaves much to the obsessed alienators mind to interpret. They will unilaterally interpret the orders based on their own actions and motives. I also think that custody orders have provisions that spell out that each parent is should be free from derogatory actions, claims and words from the other parent. It should also spell out the ramifications of such actions. A custody order should also state that all communications between the father and mother be in writing, with a copy sent to each of their attorney’s and also the guardian ad litem. This will prevent any he said, she said issues. Of course I could suggest several more options, but they will mean nothing unless the judges hearing these cases uphold the law and provide relief for the parents that are alienated from their children. Interference by a parent that prevents visitation, parenting responsibilities, or access to their child’s activities should be punished and not just by a slap on the wrist.
Lastly, child protective services need to realize that in the context of high conflict divorces and custody cases, they must be aware that false allegations of abuse will be alleged. I understand that people that make allegations are protected from making a false report if they believe that the allegation is true. CPS needs to discover the relationship between the person making the accusation and the accused. If you have not had contact with the accuser in years, how can they be a reliable source for information? Therefore, CPS needs to ask where they got the information and prosecute these people that make allegations falsely.
Of course nothing will change until people involved with the issues of child custody understand that parental alienation occurs. Counseling will help those parents who are naïve and active alienators, but I do not think there is much that can be done in that aspect for the obsessed alienator. This is why the judges need to have some backbone and punish the obsessed alienators. The current punishments are not enough to deter them. This is what needs to change.
Not one or all of these issues will ever change the outcome for parents and children targeted by the obsessed alienator. Education is the key for those in power to realize that this exists. Sadly, I feel that until one of those in power experiences the tragedy of parental alienation will things ever change.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I have never entertained the thought of obtaining a prenuptial agreement. Had this been suggested to me prior to my marriage, my first impression would have been that my spouse may not take marriage seriously and that divorce may be something they could foresee. Marriage in my mind was a commitment made and was for better or worse, not for when something better comes along. I also thought prenuptial agreements were for the rich and famous, not for some young couple struggling to set up a home. I have given some thought to this and after my own personal doubts as to motive why one would be a good idea, I have this to offer.
A prenuptial agreement would provide a binding legal contract with the courts concerning the distribution of personal property and financial assets brought into and acquired during the marriage. This would stop all the nit picking arguments in court about possessions and could speed up the divorce case and possibly save some money in the process. Prenuptial agreements also have to be fair so that one spouse is not left destitute. Of course full disclosure of all assets is a must. If the soon to be spouse hesitates at the idea of fairness, then I would say forget marrying this person. I also believe that having a prenuptial agreement could prevent some power plays by a controlling partner. For example, if you let me have this, I will not fight for sole custody of the children. I would rather not suggest what a prenuptial agreement should have stated, but would rather suggest that one seek legal guidance.
I believe that that pre-marital counseling or education classes be mandatory prior to marriage. In this article:
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=weblog&id=82&wlid=6&cn=289
It states: “A nice article in the Journal of Family Psychology (March 2006, Vol. 20, No. 1, 117-126) by research psychologist Scott Stanley, titled "Premarital Education, Marital Quality, and Marital Stability: Findings From a Large, Random Household Survey" presents evidence from a four state survey of over 3000 homes (representing a wide range of economic, ethic and cultural groupings in Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas and Kansas) that pre-marital counseling helps to make marriages healthy and strong. If this finding was ever in doubt, it should no longer be. “ “Couples in the survey that participated in pre-marital counseling were, on average, 31% less likely to divorce in any given year of their marriage than couples who did not benefit from this counseling. They were also more likely than un-counseled couples to report higher marital satisfaction, lower marital conflict and greater levels of commitment.”
Hire a competent attorney who understands what parental alienation is. I think this is one area where you get what you pay for. Do not base your choice by the amount of the retainer and fees. Also get a fee schedule from your attorney. I would ask others for recommendations of attorneys and ask why they recommend them. Do not be afraid to fire your attorney, if they are not doing the job you expect them to do. You will have to lay out more money to do this, but you cannot be standing there on the day your divorce is to be final and realize you have been screwed. This is from personal experience.
Mediation should be the route for most divorces and custody cases. You feel empowered as you have a say in the outcome of your case. The problem with mediation is that there is a compromise that will and must take place for mediation to work. In cases where one parent is the obsessed alienator, mediation will never work. The obsessed alienator will refuse to budge on issues and will bully you. The obsessed alienator will maintain control.
Prior to any divorce with a custody issue, there should be mandatory parenting and or counseling classes, where both parents must attend together. I am not sure of the mandated states that require this or of the mandated sessions that are required. I think a minimum of a 12 week in depth parenting with counseling sessions should be required. I am sure many would think that this is too much and some may be thinking 12 more weeks that I must interact with my soon to be ex. This is not about you, but about your children.
I also think that custody orders should spell out exact times, dates and locations for visitation, as well as who is responsible for transportation. The typical every other weekend and Wednesday night visitation leaves much to the obsessed alienators mind to interpret. They will unilaterally interpret the orders based on their own actions and motives. I also think that custody orders have provisions that spell out that each parent is should be free from derogatory actions, claims and words from the other parent. It should also spell out the ramifications of such actions. A custody order should also state that all communications between the father and mother be in writing, with a copy sent to each of their attorney’s and also the guardian ad litem. This will prevent any he said, she said issues. Of course I could suggest several more options, but they will mean nothing unless the judges hearing these cases uphold the law and provide relief for the parents that are alienated from their children. Interference by a parent that prevents visitation, parenting responsibilities, or access to their child’s activities should be punished and not just by a slap on the wrist.
Lastly, child protective services need to realize that in the context of high conflict divorces and custody cases, they must be aware that false allegations of abuse will be alleged. I understand that people that make allegations are protected from making a false report if they believe that the allegation is true. CPS needs to discover the relationship between the person making the accusation and the accused. If you have not had contact with the accuser in years, how can they be a reliable source for information? Therefore, CPS needs to ask where they got the information and prosecute these people that make allegations falsely.
Of course nothing will change until people involved with the issues of child custody understand that parental alienation occurs. Counseling will help those parents who are naïve and active alienators, but I do not think there is much that can be done in that aspect for the obsessed alienator. This is why the judges need to have some backbone and punish the obsessed alienators. The current punishments are not enough to deter them. This is what needs to change.
Not one or all of these issues will ever change the outcome for parents and children targeted by the obsessed alienator. Education is the key for those in power to realize that this exists. Sadly, I feel that until one of those in power experiences the tragedy of parental alienation will things ever change.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Dear Son
I found a card the other day in the store and this really hits home. I do not see an author to give credit to.
Dear Son,
Ever since you were born I worried and wondered about whether or not I was being the best parent I could be.
Did I make you feel important?
Did we find enough time for the little things that live on in happy memories---
like laughter, and hugs, and "just-between-us"moments?
And, even when we disagreed, did you always know I loved you?
Of all the things in my life that I might have or could have or should have done differently, there's one thing I'd never change, and that's the having you for a son....
If I didn't always find a way to say it, I hope I always showed it...
I'm proud to be your parent, and I love you, Son.
Dear Son,
Ever since you were born I worried and wondered about whether or not I was being the best parent I could be.
Did I make you feel important?
Did we find enough time for the little things that live on in happy memories---
like laughter, and hugs, and "just-between-us"moments?
And, even when we disagreed, did you always know I loved you?
Of all the things in my life that I might have or could have or should have done differently, there's one thing I'd never change, and that's the having you for a son....
If I didn't always find a way to say it, I hope I always showed it...
I'm proud to be your parent, and I love you, Son.
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