Missing you on Valentine's Day

Myspace Graphics, Valentine's Day Graphics at WishAFriend.com


Today is the day that many exchange cards, candy, flowers and gifts with those we love. When I grew up, I got a small box of candy from my parents as well as a card. I continued that tradition with my son. This year, I do not get to continue that tradition with my son. So yes Son, I am missing you on Valentine's Day.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?









I have had several conversations or discussions about a subject that I think I have come up with an appropriate title for my post today. There seems to be many questions when talking with other target parents about contact with their alienated child and how the court orders read. There also seems to be an opinion, by people that do not understand parental alienation, that one should let go and wait until the child matures. The main consensus seems to be to absent yourself from the child's life until the child "realizes" what has happened. This is how I came about my title today.

I have been told that I am a rebel and I guess I have to agree with that. I do not act this way to cause harm and am certainly not violent in my actions. I will question and if I believe I am correct I will seek to improve the conditions. Many of the laws we have today are because a person stood up for what they believed in and did something to help change them. This is what I identify myself with.

Many times I hear a parent say they are at a loss at what to do about their child. I ask if they see them or not and how much contact they have. Many times I hear that they are not allowed to see their child and are only allowed one phone call and can mail the child cards and gifts. I ask if they email their child and they tell me, the court order does not say I can email. These parents are afraid that if they email their child they will be held in contempt for breaking the order. I can understand completely and do not advise anyone to break a court order. I can not tell you the last time I sent something via the postal service and email communication has become the norm in many institutions for communication. My options are the same if one sends me postal mail or email. I can choose to open the postal mail and I can choose to open the email. With email, I also have a delete option, something I do not have with postal mail. To send postal mail or email, many times I have no idea if the recipient even receives the mail. I also have the option to send certified return receipt mail and I can purchase a read receipt program for my email. I consider both ways (postal and email) communication via mail. The only thing I cannot do via email is to send gifts, but I can send links for money. I guess money could be considered a gift.

When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent does everything in their power to absent the child from the target parent's life. They find excuses to deny visitation. They also talk badly about the target parent to the child in hopes that the child will believe the rumors about the target parent. If the child has no opportunity to have exposure to the target parent, their heart does not grow fonder due to the absence, instead they start believing what the alienating parent claims. They may mature and seek the truth at a later date, but I think it is important that the target parent lets their child know that they love them, miss them and are always there for them. I have heard that this contact of letting the child know they are loved and missed can be interpreted as harassment. My question is when did a parent letting their child know the special place they hold in their heart become harassment? This is what is wrong with the system that allows alienating parents to control. This is why the laws must be changed.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

To My Son

When you were born,
I received the most precious gift.
I willingly and lovingly
wanted to provide for you a home
where you felt safe and happy,
a home built on a foundation of
security, respect, and hope.

I wanted to be there
to catch you when you fell
share your successes
and encourage your dreams.

I wanted to be there to comfort your tears
and share your laughter.
I have tried to help you see
the roses among the thorns in life
and that they are there for you to pick,

I have tired to earn and keep
your treasured trust.
I have loved and will continue to love
being your parent.
And remember, if you need me,
I will always be just
a thought away.
And yes, my son,
you will always have my
unconditional love....forever.

Authored by Steven H. Waller 2005

1200 days and counting

Well today is past 1200 days since my son said "I love you" to me. It really does not matter if I made this entry yesterday, today, and tomorrow, next week or next month. The fact remains that I have not heard those words uttered from his mouth in relevance to his feelings towards me. It is heartbreaking to say the least. I also know that he is at an age that these so called words are difficult to articulate at times. It still does not take away the pain that he can easily articulate them to the alienating parent. One could ask if I was jealous of that. I want my son to love both of his parents.

One of the issues I would like to touch upon today is what a target parent is. A target parent is a parent that the other parent has decided that they will ruin, no matter the cost. With the attitude of "no matter the cost", they usually take prisoner of the child's or children's mind in a contested divorce that involves custody of the minor children. The child or children are forced to make a decision that no child should ever have to make. They have to decide whom they will side with. With that decision comes the so called love and adoration from the alienating parent and the desperation, frustration and helplessness of the target parent.

Please do not think that a target parent is some vulnerable and feeble minded person. Do not confuse their frustration with being insecure. Do not confuse their desperation with hopelessness. Do not confuse their anger with hostility. Do not confuse their aloofness with acceptance. Unless you are a target parent or know what a target parent experiences, you can not imagine how it feels to call your child and to have that call go unanswered. You can not imagine how it feels to leave message after message to not be returned or acknowledged. You can not imagine how it feels when you know you should be able to have phone contact and the message service comes on immediately, indicating the phone is turned off; when by court order it should be on, because this is YOUR court allotted time for a phone call. You can not imagine how it feels to find that your child's cell phone number has been disconnected for the third time because you found the new numbers. You can not imagine the desperation a target parent feels because they cannot have access to their child, their schooling, their school pictures or anything a parent would wish to participate in or have a memento of. You can not imagine the emotion the target parent feels when all they are trying to do is to be a parent and they are met with brick walls and road blocks by the alienating parent and the courts.

Fathers and Mothers have been persecuted by the courts for being loving parents by the malevolent actions from alienating parents. It is time that the courts and anyone else involved in the custody issues of minor child find the intestinal fortitude to ward off the evil manipulations by the alienating parent and all who support them.

With this I ask you, have you hugged your son or daughter today and let them know that you loved them? I would, but I cannot do that.

Become an advocate, educate yourself about parental alienation, fight the abuse and let others know that parental alienation is abuse.

Parental alienation is abuse! Fight the abuse!

Dear Son

I found a card the other day in the store and this really hits home. I do not see an author to give credit to.

Dear Son,

Ever since you were born I worried and wondered about whether or not I was being the best parent I could be.

Did I make you feel important?
Did we find enough time for the little things that live on in happy memories---
like laughter, and hugs, and "just-between-us"moments?

And, even when we disagreed, did you always know I loved you?

Of all the things in my life that I might have or could have or should have done differently, there's one thing I'd never change, and that's the having you for a son....

If I didn't always find a way to say it, I hope I always showed it...
I'm proud to be your parent, and I love you, Son.