Saturday, February 25, 2012

another quote of the day

I posted this on the facebook page,
“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”

This quote really hit home for me, but I was unsure how others would relate to it. I believe that in cases of parental alienation, the aleinator - wheter the custodial or non custodial parent, utilizes several tactics to persuade the child to turn against the other parent. The easiest way seems to cater to the child's immaturity, innocence and the "gimmes". Funny thing is these are also ways abductors use lures to abduct children.

I love animals and pets as does my son. His dad "tolerated" our one pet that we had, but did not like it. After he left and remarried, they got a pet. It was a surprise for our son. Then came another pet. This was the first time my ex realized he could persuade our son to spend more time with him, by having pets. I preferred to be the responsible pet owner by not having more animals than I could actually care for physically and financially . Then my son would start asking for things, knowing I could not afford them, but his dad could buy them. I did not buy into the buying game, as I could not afford these expensive items. I also was not willing to "buy" my son's love. He either loved me for the things I could provide that money could not buy, or he didn't. Pretty much I was willing to lose this battle, as my ex made significantly more than I did. I could not compete with him on this level.

As the years have come and gone and I have had the wonderful opportunity to reunite with my son, this makes so much sense. He does not remember the race track and cars he wanted so bad for Christmas that I saved and scrimped for, but he remembers moments that he once stated he did not remember in court. There are other events that he recalls, that at one time he loathed or stated never happened.

As children mature, as well as we as adults mature, we tend to start to recall moments in time that money could never buy. Perhaps it is time spent with a grandparent who has since passed or a parent who has passed. Memories that money can not buy. I believe that at one time your children will reflect back to a special time and wish they could have that back. Those are the things that money cannot buy, but it is the feeling that you loved and cherished them.

Never give up on the love you have for your children. Let them know you love them, be consistent in that as well. Keep records, a diary, a private blog that you can print documents from and keep in a file they will find later. Send letters, if they are returned, keep them unopened in a file.

Ask yourself this...what do you recall most from your own childhood. Was it the gifts or a memory that money could not buy?