Sunday, January 16, 2011

Quotes of the day...parenting

Children desperately need to know - and to hear in ways they understand and remember - that they're loved and valued by mom and dad.
Paul Smally

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
Angela Schwindt

Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.
Brian Tracy

The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.
Orlando A. Battista

Children are not our property, and they are not ours to control any more that we were our parents' property or theirs to control.
Richard Bach

Parents must get across the idea that "I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior."
Amy Vanderbilt

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
Michael Levine

While I feel that all these quotes are very moving, the last three really strike a chord if you are a target parent. Unfortunately in some custody cases, parental alienation becomes very apparent. Quite often one parent, often the alienator, uses the children as property that is to be divided in a settlement. A caring parent would always have the child's best interest at hand. That can be difficult especially when one spouse is very mean. You may be divorcing your spouse, but the children did not ask for this. They also are very scared of their life being disrupted and one parent purposely denying their children access to the other parent is extremely harsh. If you are an alienating parent the greatest disservice you can do for your children is to talk badly about the other parent, convince them to hate the other parent, encourage them to hate them, lie to them and to restrict access to the other parent. Those actions are not one of a parent.

I remember growing up and experiencing some actions of alienation by my mother. Although, I did not know the term alienation or even tied it to alienation until recently. There was a time in my childhood that my mother was contemplating divorce, I think. I got to hear all kinds of bad behaviors that my dad did to her and to me, although I do not remember any of these actions or behaviors. What I do remember is being angry with my mom for trying to get me to hate my dad. While my parents did not divorce, I do remember this vividly.

My advice for the day to any alienating parents out there. You can continue to be an alienator and while you may win the immediate battle, you will end up losing in the end. Your children one day will look back, question actions, seek out answers and you may not like what returns to you. If you are a target parent, continue to love your children, hide the hurt from the painful words and never give up.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!