An argument about PAS

What is it with these "PAS does not exist groups"?

I received this comment and I would like to expand on it.

PAS is fake syndrome made up by Richard gardner, a man who claimed pedophilia is good and that the only problem was when the non pedo parents complained. One should get the facts and not be taken in by a few statements which make untrue claims.Check out Richard gardner and get the truth.CHILD ABUSE is beating a child, raping a child and killing a child. Forcing a child to live with an abusive parent is abuse.A child knows the truth and a child love is not destroyed by another but when a parent is abusive than it is natural the child might not want to be with that parent but even than many children will still lave the abuser.Courts should look in all the evidence and not make assumptions and when the court has the evidence that one parent is lying than to consider that very seriously. No child should be forced to live with abuse and no parent should be prevented from protection the child

While I respect your opinion, I think you are also an alienating parent. Child abuse also encompasses emotional and mental abuse. If you think denying a child their parent, no matter what the partner did to you, you are an alienating parent. As for your claims about Richard Gardner, you are making claims that I would like to see court documents supporting your allegations. Dr. Gardner also committed suicide, so he is not here to defend the allegations that these “PAS does not exist” groups make. There have been several studies done based upon the research that Dr. Gardner did and these studies support that parents will enmesh their children into their world and encourage their children to hate the other parent. If you think this is not abuse, then you are very sadly mistaken. Do you think that alienating parents that encourage, brainwash and enmesh these children to hate and despise a parent is not abuse? Do you think that a child that loved you for 14 years and loved his father as well, suddenly turns against one parent is not an indication of abuse? Answer why a child who loved both parents, had access to both parents, suddenly despises one parent? Do you think that one parent encouraged this child to think “their” way? This is what parental alienation is about.

I am sorry that your ex abused you and possibly your child, but if you think that denying your children to love the other parent is doing them a favor, you may wake up several years later to find yourself the target parent. Children will seek out the other parent one day and you better hope that all your “stories” support how your children will feel.

Supposedly I am an alcoholic, a drug addict, and an abuser, but these have never been proven. I continue my life as I always have and one day, my son will realize the truth. I have found that those who make such far fetched allegations are making statements based upon their own behaviors. It has proven true so far in my case. I am not the one with court documents of arrest and other allegations against me.

Let me ask…why are you so afraid that your children may one day want to seek out the other parent? If everything you claim is true, then you have nothing to worry about. If not then……….

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

My post for the day

OK, I admit the title leaves little to be desired, but then again this post I came across today does the same. There is a controversy about parental alienation among the certain lines of thought. It exists, it does not exist, it is junk science, it is not junk science, etc., you get my point. Granted, parental alienation is not in the The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), but the personality types of the parents who alienate their children are, such as narcissist, sociopath and such.

I came across this post in response to the recent Canadian court case about parental alienation. Quite honestly, today, I am tired and do not feel like doing the copy and paste of the article and the court decision, if you have not come across these. Please click the links and read them and come back to my page. I did leave a comment, which I think has to be approved and not sure it will be, so I will post my comment here.

"As a mother myself who does not have custody of her ONLY child, I applaud the decision of this judge. For a parent, mother or father, who intentionally sets out on a path to destroy the parent-child bond, does not deserve to be called a parent. As to the term parental alienation and the arguments that it does not exist, I am here to say that “it”, whatever word used to describe the process, DOES exist. A child does not suddenly turn against a parent and has hatred in their heart for a parent. A child three days prior would not kiss you goodnight and say they love you and three days later profess that you abuse them.

I am well aware of domestic violence as my ex husband was abusive to me and I have court records proving such. I also can provide court records of abuse to a wife after our marriage. The fact remains that he is the father of our child. We conceived our son out of love at one point in our lives and our child does have the right to know his father. Yes, I refer often to “our” child because this child was produced from two people.

Parental alienation is abuse, it is mental abuse, and it is a continuation of the domestic violence that I endured. Parental alienation is about control as well. It is control of the child’s mind.

Although Dr. Gardner refers to mothers as the perpetrators of this heinous act, if you open your mind to the fact that this control and abuse of a child does exist, you will find that fathers are now included in these studies. I am not here to discredit fathers or mothers, I am here to state that parental alienation exists and that it is not gender specific.

You mention a child’s right. They should have the right to love both parents without the interference of a vindictive ex spouse spewing their own hatred to the child.

What message do we as parents send to our child when we state how bad the other parent is and how much we hate the other parent? We are telling our child that we hate HALF of them because of this parent.

http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/"

My thoughts for the day.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

No Child should have to experience this

WARNING: This video should tear at your heartstrings. It is rather long, but it tells a story, one that is not heard in the courts nor one that is not punished via the courts. Can we allow this continue? I urge you to watch this.

Children are in the crossfire in custody cases. Both parents should want to be part of their children's lives, but when one parent wants to punish the other parent, they use their children as pawns. Children get sick and both were able to care for the child before, but now only one parent is the so called "capable" parent. Children get grounded, but that should not mean they are grounded from parenting time with the other parent. Children should not be told that they will have a new and better daddy or mommy, they have them already. Children should not be told that they don't need the other parent anymore. Children should not be told they have to remember what they ate while at the other parent's home for fear that allegations will be made that were not fed. Alienating parents should not call their children several times a day while the other parent has parenting time, "just to check in". These tactics are used by alienating parents to coerce, brainwash and push their children into submission. These are cult like techniques. Alienating parent's hatred knows no bounds. The most severe will reuslt in allegations of domestic abuse, physical and sexual abuse of a child.

Although this video was made by a father, realize this video could have been made by a mother as well. Parental alienation knows no boundaries, it does not discriminate based on gender, race, or socioeconomic class.

Thank you to the father that made this video. My heart goes out to you, whomever you are. Let this video be a testament that no other child should ever have to experience this abuse by the hands of the alienating parent.

Alienated children need a voice, one that is not heard in the courts. Please, I beg of you, if you know of a child being alienated from their parent, BE THAT VOICE!

Stop this abuse of children! Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!

Domestic Violence and Parental Alienation...are the two related?

My post today may likely ruffle some feathers. Since I have experienced both, I thought I would write my thoughts about it.

Domestic violence is about control. Parental alienation is about control. I do not think you will find a parent accused of parental alienation that does not have some control issues. I am not talking about the normal issues that come about in a marriage and a compromise is reached, but the attitude of "my way or the highway" attitude.

A spouse who uses domestic violence as a way to control, uses the "my way or the highway attitude." A parent who alienates a child against the other parent utilizes the same tactics. Although that parent may not tell the child "my way or the highway", their actions speak volumes.

In my case, my ex was a charming, loving and giving man....at times. At other times, I thought I knew what I had to do and usually that was wrong. If I was not punished by words which included verbal berating and jokes at my expense, I was punished by what I called the "silent treatment". The silent treatment was the worse, because I could ask what was wrong and would get a glaring blank stare in return. This made me think about the past week or day. It was mind control. If these actions did not make me "act" the way he wished, I was physically punished. I constantly walked on eggshells, never knowing when, where or how I "caused" myself to be subject to his tirades. I lived in a world of trying to do right and attempting to learn from my so called past mistakes. What was right yesterday was not right today.

The thing about domestic violence is that one person controls the other through ways of mind control and physical control. They wear you down physically and emotionally. Domestic violence can also be more sinister in that lives are lost as well. I think one common theme is that the abuser in domestic violence is manipulative, cunning, and deceitful. They shift blame and twist facts, many times rather convincingly. This brings me back to my previous posts about a narcissist and a psychopath.

One may ask how I stayed or even married such a person. What one must realize about these narcissists is that they are masters at their game. If every person bolted from a relationship based on any small infraction, you may not find the person that you are very happily married to today. That is called compromise. Those relationships are based on give and take. I was lead to believe that I had the problem and I needed to change. If I can make one statement today I would like to say that you should never ridicule a person that was in this type of relationship. Men and women, both, can be victims of domestic violence.

So how does parental alienation fit into this? PA is an extension of the control by the abuser. You divorced me and I cannot control you anymore in our home, extends to I still can control you through our children.

There is nothing that can hurt a parent more than not being able to be part of our children's lives. Abusers know this and use this to their advantage. They will either twist parental alienation as an "excuse" for them not being able to see their children and have you accused of parental alienation, or they will employ the same tactics on the child as they used on you so you are not part of that child's life.

So are domestic violence and parental alienation related? I say they are as they are tactics used to control and hurt a person.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Personality disorders in young Americans

I came across this story today on http://www.livescience.com/health/081202-ap-personality-disorders.html posted by Lindsey Tanner, Associated Press 02 December 2008 08:28 am ET that "Almost one in five young American adults has a personality disorder that interferes with everyday life, and even more abuse alcohol or drugs, researchers reported Monday in the most extensive study of its kind.
The disorders include problems such as obsessive or compulsive tendencies and anti-social behavior that can sometimes lead to violence. The study also found that fewer than 25 percent of college-aged Americans with mental problems get treatment."

I read this and thought OMG...FINALLY someone has presented some form of documentation that young adults are affected by something perhaps in their childhood that triggers problems that will show in their adult life. I looked for the word "parental alienation" and did not find it, but it does not take some scientist, psychologist or researcher to tell a target parent that their child will most likely face some problems in their adult life due to the actions by the alienating parent. I read this: "For many, young adulthood is characterized by the pursuit of greater educational opportunities and employment prospects, development of personal relationships, and for some, parenthood," the authors said. These circumstances, they said, can result in stress that triggers the start or recurrence of psychiatric problems. "

Perhaps I missed something in this article that suggested experiences in their childhood could bring this on. So I will surmise that these disorders could be triggered from their expediences in childhood.

I think for most parents that have a child the scenario goes likes this; you enter the hospital to deliver your child and go home 1-3 days later depending upon the delivery method. You are given some information on how to care for a newborn, but most of your "knowledge and or experience" comes from personal experience and instinct. I think many draw upon their own childhood on how to raise a child. If you were brought up by the help of siblings because your parents both worked, this may be they way they were brought up. If other family members were a major influence on the upbringing, than this again may be from experience. If discipline that could border on abuse was an influence then this may be a way the parents raise their child. I think that we do as we know and that is how the cycle of abuse and or disorders keep repeating. I do believe that the cycle of abuse can be broken.

As I attempt to understand my own personal situation, I can now realize there were several red flags that I ignored. I did not understand when I was younger that the way a child treats a parent means something significant. My ex's father was very demeaning to his wife and his children disrespected her as well. It was put in such a way that it was done jokingly at her expense and she also laughed at these so called jokes. I would also find her at times crying in the basement. She would always apologize for being " so sensitive". I was not mature enough to realize that this was emotional abuse. I would become angry for her, but then his father would be very loving and all seemed well. Again, I would not realize that this a cycle of abuse by a domestic abuser. I never saw physical abuse, so therefore, I did not realize that the controlling behaviors and emotional distress was abuse. Later, I would realize that this behavior repeated itself and I was the one who was the brunt of jokes and I would be demeaned. I also learned to accept that I as being "too sensitive".

Children or young teens that see this behavior learn to accept this as normal and can repeat it because they learn through actions that this is normal. It is not normal. So yes, parenthood can trigger the stresses that are indicative of a personality disorder. They go home with the "knowledge and experience" from their own childhood and repeat the cycle of abuse.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Actions speak louder than words

I attempt to post entries that are relevant to parental alienation, based on my own experiences and from the stories I hear from other parents. Many times I will come up with a new post based on what my recent keyword analysis has been that has lead one to my blog. I then attempt to gather my thoughts and write. I have had several keywords show up concerning personality disorders and how they ruin holidays, emotional abuse and false allegations of abuse.

I strongly believe that the alienating parent does suffer from a personality disorder, which I have written about in previous posts. I also believe that other target parents believe this as well. Proving this theory may be next to impossible though. I believe that people with the personality disorders, such as narcissism, are intelligent enough to take these mental exams and answer according to the normal society standards. I remember that both my ex spouse and I had to take this exam and he later told me what he wanted to answer for some of the questions but he didn't. Then he laughed in my face.

Some of the actions by the alienating parent are conscious and spoken to the child in their campaign to degrade the target parent. Other actions are subconscious and these unspoken actions have lasting effects. Actions speak louder than words.

Some things that come to mind that perhaps a reader could relate to are: you work with a team member that says they are for teamwork, but takes the credit for your work; a friend that says they will be there for you when needed but when you call they are busy and 'forget" to call you back; a sales person tells you what you need to hear to get the sale, but when you need customer service they claim they never said those things.

Alienating parents not only use degrading words to discredit the target parent, but they also use actions and those actions do speak louder than words. The alienating parent then also has an excuse to say they never said anything, which they didn't, but their actions spoke volumes.

The alienating parent may tell the child that their other parent does not care for them like they do. Repeating those words will not have the effect that the actions will have. The alienating parent will call the child to check up on them, not once, but several times a day. If the child is having fun with the target parent and does not answer their call, the alienating parent becomes frantic and will let the child know that they were so worried about them and not to let them worry like that again. The alienating parent may leave messages as well during the day and night to the child letting them know that they are thinking of them, they miss them and to contact them with any needs or concerns. The alienating parent will also tell them that the child can call them at any time and they will come and get them if needed. This constant phone contact keeps the child on edge and can even work in favor of the alienating parent. The child may want to call the alienating parent to tell them some great news and when the alienating parent does not answer, the child can become frantic that something terrible has happened. This is an example from my own personal experience. My son wanted to call his dad about something he did and his father did not answer the phone. Repeated calls went unanswered and my son freaked out. He started calling others that have contact with his dad asking where he was. When his dad finally answered he told him he left his cellphone in the car when he got out and was only gone a few minutes and he was sorry he missed his call. This action cemented into my son's mind that he needed to also protect his dad.

The alienating parent may verbally claim that the other parent does not feed the child. These claims can be made to child protective services as well. CPS can come and make their investigation and find that this allegation is false. The alienating parent will tell the child that the agency did not properly do their job. Their next move may be that when the child visits they bring groceries to the target parents home so the child has food to eat. There is no need for the extra food, but this is done by the alienating parent to cement the need by the child for the alienating parent. Again, these actions speak louder than words.

The alienating parent may make allegations that the target parent does not care for the child medically. They may take the child to medical professionals seeking assistance for a feigned problem that the accusation was the direct cause from the lack of care by the target parent. Of course there is no medical problem for the child, but the alienating parent is looking for a person that has the legal responsibility to make allegations of abuse against the target parent. When these actions do not result in the desired outcome, the alienating parent will tell others that these medical professionals were not doing their job.

When the target parent protests these invasions they are often told they are over reacting. Phone contact should be allowed and why are you trying to deny it? You are being ungrateful for the food brought to your home and this was done for you child. Are you denying the extra food for your child? You should be thankful that a medical problem was being addressed, are you denying medical care? This is how the alienating parents operates. The attorneys and judges look at the objections by the target parent to these intrusions and explanations that are part of the campaign of parental alienation and tell the target parent to lighten up.

Those in authority,that can put a stop to parental alienation, must realize that it is a collection of words and behaviors, conscious and subconscious, by the alienating parent and that the target parent is only trying to maintain a relationship with their children. Until then nothing will change.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Could there be a correlation?

I strongly believe that allowing a child to continue to grow up in an environment that encourages parental alienation, that there has to be side effects that affect the child's emotional development. They are most likely going to believe that this behavior is acceptable and will continue these behaviors in their own relationships, thus becoming the alienator themselves. They are likely to become ridden with guilt, once they gain some maturity. I do not believe these children will have the capability to ever have a "normal" relationship with others. They may believe that one can lie and be deceitful to gain what they want. They are also likely to reject authoritative figures and have the attitude that they are "above the law" and do not have to follow rules or laws. I pretty much believe that these behaviors are a given considering the behaviors that they have experienced while growing up and developing emotionally.

A child's behavior is influenced not only by what goes on in the environment in which they live, but also by what they observe in adults. Their behaviors are learned through association, imitation, observation, pressure, needs, wants, influence and desires.

This brings me to what I want to talk about today. Could there be a correlation between crime committed by minors under the age of 18 and parental alienation? There are documented research cases that indicate that children from single parent homes are more likely to be involved in criminal activity. I found this quote, "According to one study, children raised in single-parent families are one-third more likely to exhibit anti-social behavior". I can find documentation that children raised without fathers also have a higher criminal activity as well. I found these quotes; "Nearly 70 percent of juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes, as do 43 percent of prison inmates". " Research indicates a direct correlation between crime rates and the number of single-parent families in a neighborhood".

It does not matter if these children were raised without a father or a mother, these children did not obviously have the interaction of the other parent. I have to wonder why. Parents walk away from their children and we tend to hear that it is the father that does this. So is he the dead beat dad? Why? What circumstances lead up to his leaving? I do believe that some parents, both mothers and fathers, fit the typical media description of a dead beat parent, but I think many parents want the involvement and can not possibly jump through the hoops that the custodial parent and the courts demand. For example, I know of one father that worked the night shift. He was only allowed to see his child during the week and during specific daylight hours. His job had mandatory overtime and he worked a Monday through Friday shift. He was not allowed to see his child during the weekend. So he was to work, sleep, and see his child when the courts said so and if overtime, which was mandatory, interfered with his visitation, he could not see his child on a weekend when he did not work. I know of a mother who worked a night shift as well, but was told by the courts that she could not work this shift more than two nights per week or she could not have access to her children. So are they deadbeat parents or parents that cannot possibly conform to the ridiculous rules set upon them? Let me also state that before someone wants to state that the parent should have adjusted their work schedule or found a new job. Child support is based upon the income that this parent was making. Your spouse worked this job and you enjoyed this income prior to the divorce and expect the same level of lifestyle. You made arrangements, when married, based on your spouses work schedule for child care, so you could have this level of lifestyle, but now that you are divorced, you expect your spouse to continue this income without any compromises. This could be one major reason that a parent so called walks away. They don't want to, but they cannot do what is demanded.

So how does parental alienation fit into this scenario? The constraints set forth by a vindictive spouse allows them to make statements such as " we do not have the money because your dad or mom......" "Your father or mother changed jobs and makes less now, but we don't have the money for....." " I am sorry you did not get to spend time with your dad or mom this time, their works means more to them than you"

In parental alienation cases, there is a pattern of abuse; false allegations, refusal of parenting time, lies and deceit. The child learns that deceit gains the parent something, even if for a short period of time. They also learn that this misrepresentation goes unpunished. False allegations of abuse in divorce is an epidemic. Children are becoming the heirs to hatred passed down to them from their parents. This is all that they know, and they in turn foster this pain, hatred and deceptiveness in their own adult relationships.

Have you listened to the news? Have you listened to the description of the crimes committed? Have you listened to the ages of the suspects? Where do these children get these ideas to commit these crimes? Could it be that they see a parent, that does not set an example, that if you do not follow the rules and laws that the punishment is nothing more than a slap on the wrist?

If anyone thinks that parental alienation is nothing more than hogwash and that these children will not suffer some consequences, then all I have to say is to take off your blindfolds and open your ears.

This presidential election campaign was about change. We can either change the laws regarding custody issues or we can see a change in the amount of dysfunctional families, which will increase the crime. Now it is up to you, to help change the laws about custody. Do not empower a child, that has no idea of what they are doing and punish these parents that make these false allegations of abuse and damage their children by their alienating behaviors.

Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!

Understanding the Obsessive Alienator part 1

As a target parent myself, I am constantly trying to understand the dynamics of what makes the obsessed alienator tick. My simple answer is that my ex is a jerk who wants revenge for some perceived wrong that I did to him. That really does not explain why either. As for other parents who read this blog, they want to know why their alienating spouse or ex spouse is participating in these behaviors as well. For those that read this blog who have never experienced parental alienation, they may be wanting to understand as well. To preface this, I must say that I do not think that most can comprehend why the obsessed alienator behaves the way they do and that the obsessed alienator cannot give definitive reasoning with solid and undisputed facts to support their actions.



I believe that the obsessed alienator has characteristics of either a personality disorder or some emotional disorder. I believe that the obsessed alienator tends to either fall within the clinical descriptions for narcissism, sociopath or psychopath or may even possess characteristics of each of these disorders.



Obsessed alienators will use an array of tactics to "win". These tactics could be, but are not limited to; excessive litigation, alienating the child against the target parent, employing others in malicious actions against their ex spouse, lying, deception, false allegations of abuse and interference with visitation with the target parent. Theses actions could be repeated reports to child services for abuse. They will enlist the help of others to make these reports as well. They may go as far as taking the child to medical professionals, that have never had seen the child, and make accusations of abuse. They may contact teachers and remind them that they have a duty to report abuse and may even appear aggressive in their suggestions. Seeking the aid of other medical professionals and teachers can be done in the process of the initial alienation or after the alienating parent has exhausted their means through their own reports and reports made by the concerned friends and family that support the alienating parent. Lies could include allegations of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, allegations of abuse against the child and mental instability alleged against the target parent to authorities. These allegations could also be made against a supportive partner of the target parent. With each allegation, there is some form of expense involved for the target parent. These can include court appearances and attorney fees. The obsessed alienator will impede visitation and use a number of tactics to prevent contact and will be persistent in their efforts. These can include phone calls not being answered or messages returned, disconnected phone numbers, email interference, postal mail not being delivered, refusal to cooperate in letting the other parent know about school functions, refusal to allow the other parent to have copies of school pictures and much more.



I believe that these tactics are used in a quest by the alienating parent to strip the target parent of their parental rights. They are not content with just winning custody, but want the other parent completely eliminated from the child's life. This is more than just denying the child or children access to the other parent, this is done to eliminate the other parent. It is done to make them non existent.

Today I will focus on the narcissist personality. I could write several pages describing this, but I will assume that you, as a reader, has suspicions or some knowledge of the narcissistic personality.

Narcissists will and do contradict everything they say, but will do it in such a way, that you will question your own sanity. They will contradict things that you know as fact, things you have experienced together and even contradict their explanations. You cannot reason with a narcissist and I would not suggest trying. You have to keep precise notes and if at all possible, have another person with you on any contact that you will have that can serve as a witness to what was said. You will not win a he said, she said argument with a narcissus. Narcissists do not feel empathy and will feign sympathy to gain your "trust". The more one opens up to a narcissist, the more the narcissist has as tools against you.

Narcissists are competitive and envious. They believe they deserve more and could do whatever project better. In my experience of living with a narcissistic I found that I was told how to dress, behave and how to have my home present as the narcissist is always trying to live up to some perceived idea of success. The phrase that comes to mind is "keeping up with the Joneses". We had to fit this idealistic perception that we were of some social class, some upper class society. This is where one can alienate a narcissist by questioning them. The narcissistic can appear and even talk in social circles that are out of their league, but further questioning will bring the truth. A narcissus does not want to be found that their projection is a lie. Of course doing this brings the wrath that only a narcissistic person can deliver.

Narcissists are critical of personal criticism, but are very critical of others. One thing that comes to mind is the hurricanes that hit, especially Katrina. My ex's attitude was that these people that lived so close to the coast knew of the dangers and it is their fault. If you have criticized a narcissus, then you are well aware of the wrath you will receive. Criticism also puts them at a disadvantage and you can use this to your advantage. You just have to listen very well and keep very detailed notes and or recordings.

Narcissists are sarcastic and attempt to use sarcasm as their joking mechanism. Comments I have heard my ex say to his mother, myself and in the background when talking to my son were: The cookies are burnt on the bottom, must be they are done, Oh look she burnt dinner again, Dinner is not done till the roast is burnt and much more. This is their idea of humor and it is always at the expense of another.

Narcissists feel they are entitled to things. Be it a better job, house and possessions. To gain these material attributes they will lie and steal to achieve this perception. Do not expect a narcissist to be overindulgent with you after they have captured the prey though. Perception to others that they are better and have more is important to them. I could further elaborate on my personal experiences, but will refrain at this moment. Suffice it as my ex has records of theft, embezzlement and forgery, all of which are public record.

Narcissists are manipulative, cunning, deceitful, controlling, charming and persistent. If they feel they can win you over and gain something or take something from you, they will stop at nothing to reach their goal.

Although this may not help you understand many things, remember that once you were dazzled by your ex's behavior, demeanor and bullshit. They captured your attention and love and you gave your all to them. They did not return the level of love that you gave them and they are doing the same to your child. Only when you realized the lies and deceptions could you separate yourself and it took time to realize this. Your child will too one day realize this as well. When? I cannot answer that. You have to have faith that your child or children will eventually get tired of being held hostage in mind, soul and body, just like you did.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

My response to two comments:

I made this post: http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/2008/11/parental-alienation.html on November 14, 2008 and have received two comments and I thought I would expand upon what the two commentators said.

I attempt to end each entry with this statement: "Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse! " I do this because parental alienation is ABUSE and I feel that it is the most atrocious acts of abuse that a parent can do their child. To encourage a child to have hatred, disgust and anger towards the other parent is despicable. When a parent encourages a child to have these feelings, when there is no evidence of abuse and the allegations can not be substantiated, then the so called adults of the ruling system need to act.

Attorney's that represent these clients that make these claims and encourage others to make these claims, need to remove themselves as the representing party and make notations to the next attorney. They need to state the reasons why they so the next attorney that the alienator will attempt to hire will have a so called heads up. This of course will violate some attorney client confidentiality clause, so this is a mute point. The judges that hear the arguments from both attorneys need to realize that false allegations of abuse happen more often than not in highly contested cases. I feel that these judges may actually realize this, but are unwilling to make a statement that will send a very distinct message to these alienators. Judges need to stop relying on the impossible that two alleged adults can find a common ground (the child) and do what is best for the child. The target parent wants the best for the child and will compromise even more than what they would like to do. The alienator has one goal in mind and that is to ruin the target parent. They do not care about the best interests of the child.

Judges need to enforce visitation rights for the target parent and to enforce punishment against the alienating parent. This "do not do this act again" and " do not be in my courtroom for this again" , only buys the alienating parent time to continue their harassment of the child, target parent and the judicial system. Judges do not need to feel that they will cause more problems by forcing a child, who may be of that age where their opinion can be heard. Children need both parents. If the judge feels that he is sparing the target parent from more harassment by the alienating parent, and possible emotional ups and downs by a target parent attempting to reestablish the relationship, the judges need to realize that being away from our children hurts more than what we will have to deal with. Give the target parents support through the judicial system, that is all we ask. Do not place weight on what the child claims he does not want to spend time with his mother or father. Barring any abuse, do you think a child can willingly verbalize their true wishes? If this is the case, then let these children tell you they do want to go to school this week because they have a test they do not want to take. Let them tell you they do not want to attend church because they have to get up too early. Let them tell you they do not want to study because their favorite shows are on TV, or they have other plans. If a child came into a judges chambers with these requests the judge would promptly show them the door and tell them to listen to their parents. But for some reason these same judges listen when a child says they do not want to have contact with a parent. If there is no abuse and the evidence supports that one parent is attempting to limit contact with the other parent, or to even stop contact then these same judges need to check their testicles.

Target parents are not coming to court alleging abuse against the alienating parent. They are coming to court to fight for what is rightfully theirs and that is contact with their children. Quit postponing court dates, quit letting a minor dictate your rulings. quit giving the alienating parents a chance to redeem themselves. Stand up for what is right! Grab your testicles and rule against the alienating parent and enforce visitation for the target parent and impose punishment for violation of your ruling.

Unless someone takes a stand, this will continue. People will need counseling and people will still need attorneys and judges, but why make innocent children grow up this way?

Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse!

Parental Alienation

I constantly look for articles about parental alienation. For one, it helps me understand that this DOES exist, even though the courts seem to do nothing about it. Today I came across an article and will include a portion of it.


"In summary, does alienation of one parent by another parent happen? Absolutely! It
typically occurs in situations in which the emotional dysfunction is very high, a personality
disorder may be present, there is an escalating situation involving hatred and anger between
the parents, and the children are the ones who are negatively impacted to the greatest degree.
Despite all of the research that is now available demonstrating that children need access to
both their mother and their father, some parents conclude that a child does not need the other
parent. Is this abuse? In my opinion, yes! Is it an example of family violence? To some
extent, yes! Does the situation tend to be tolerated or ignored by the legal process until it
becomes very severe and almost impossible to reverse? In my experience, that typically
happens all too often. It is becoming increasingly obvious to anyone who practices within the
area of family law that the direction we need to take is to reduce conflict, keep matters out of
the Court if at all possible, facilitate ongoing relationships between children and both of their
parents, and develop better ways of dispute resolution than by always ending up in front of a
Judge. If we are not successful in this quest, we are going to see increasing numbers of
children who are negatively impacted by an ongoing acrimonious relationship between their
parents."
Dr. Larry Waterman is a psychologist practicing in Nanaimo who has provided assessment reports to the Court for twenty-six years.
http://www.nanaimomen.com/pdf/pa/L_Waterman_on_PA_041608.pdf


It seems that every article that I read, I see reference to some sort of personality disorder concerning the alienating parent. There also seems to be reference to a need for control by the alienating parent as well.


What really struck me in the above referenced article was where Dr. Waterman states " some parents conclude that a child does not need the other parent." My ex stated that our son "does not need his mother" to several people. These type of statements should immediately send off ringing bells, waving flags and flashing lights in the minds of anyone that hears these types of statements. This should be an immediate warning sign that something is amiss. When I objected to my ex's statement, he was eloquent in his response. His reasoning and manner of speaking was intentional and done in such a way, that I was portrayed as overprotective. I was overprotective of our son, but for reasons that I have not revealed yet. Those reasons were not to prevent contact or visitation with his father though. This is how obsessive alienating parents operate. Their method and behaviors are manipulative, cunning and deceitful. They will take a statement and turn it inside out and construe it into something completely different.

Target parents will tell you that grass is green and the sky is blue. Obsessive alienating parents will argue that grass is blue and the sky is green and will have you believing that is true. One cannot effectively give reasonable explanations to an obsessive alienating parent and expect to succeed in their discussion. Obsessive alienating parents are in a class all their own.

The sad part is that the children are the ones that are true victims in this. They have lost the parent that has the best interests at heart and have gained manipulation and lies as qualities to live by.


Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

What do Alienating and Target parents look like?

What do alienating and target parents look like? They look like any other person one would meet. They look like your spouse, your brother, sister, parents, friends, co-workers, or the stranger next to you in line at the store. They do not fit any physical description, but I do believe that they fit certain mental or emotional descriptions.

Alienating parents are manipulative and liars. They can turn any benign situation into a hostile one and can manipulate those in authority to see their side of things. They are masters of deceit. They exploit others and use them as an end to their means. They are arrogant and can show their lack of self control if contradicted or confronted. Often this lack of control can be seen as rage. They are aggressive and demand the upper hand in all situations. They lack true compassion and empathy, but will use these traits to gain something they desire. They thrive on conflict and the feeling that they have won. With the alienating parent it is me, me, me, not us. The person who falls prey to their tactics will profess "us".

Target parents are passive and resist confrontations. Target parents can think of others first and many times will sacrifice their own needs for those that they feel need something more. They can be described as meek and mild. They may even appear as submissive. They follow rules and believe that rules apply to everyone, not just a select few. They are willing to admit their faults and will seek help if needed. Although a target parent may articulate well, they often lack the ability to completely verbalize the needs or problems of a situation, when confronted. They feel the need to protect and many times have the philosophy of treat others as you wish to be treated. This trait plays well into the hands of the alienator. Target parents want to tell their side of the story, but struggle with the possibility that they themselves will now look like an alienating parent.

One of the things I would like to point out is that since alienating parents manipulate situations and lie, these actions will eventually catch up with them. Of course, those that fall prey to them are in a state of constant confusion, that they themselves tend to forget what is real and what is not. It is once a person is free of this control, that they start to piece together the pieces as if they were a puzzle. I figured this out from the relationship with my ex spouse. Once I was free of his control and manipulations, many things did not make sense. I even questioned my own well being at one time. This is what they want, to keep you on edge, to make you needy and dependent upon them. This is when I started putting the pieces of the puzzle together and the picture was not pretty. Alienators leave a trail behind. You just have to want to start looking for it and piece it together.

Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.

Time for change

It is time for a change in the family law area regarding the custody of minor children. I most certainly do not have the answers nor do I have every idea possible to prevent the abuse of children by the courts and by parents who are obsessed with alienating the affection of their children from the other parent. I can only offer some suggestions and do not know how these suggestions could be implemented to protect the children and the parents affected by parental alienation.

I have never entertained the thought of obtaining a prenuptial agreement. Had this been suggested to me prior to my marriage, my first impression would have been that my spouse may not take marriage seriously and that divorce may be something they could foresee. Marriage in my mind was a commitment made and was for better or worse, not for when something better comes along. I also thought prenuptial agreements were for the rich and famous, not for some young couple struggling to set up a home. I have given some thought to this and after my own personal doubts as to motive why one would be a good idea, I have this to offer.

A prenuptial agreement would provide a binding legal contract with the courts concerning the distribution of personal property and financial assets brought into and acquired during the marriage. This would stop all the nit picking arguments in court about possessions and could speed up the divorce case and possibly save some money in the process. Prenuptial agreements also have to be fair so that one spouse is not left destitute. Of course full disclosure of all assets is a must. If the soon to be spouse hesitates at the idea of fairness, then I would say forget marrying this person. I also believe that having a prenuptial agreement could prevent some power plays by a controlling partner. For example, if you let me have this, I will not fight for sole custody of the children. I would rather not suggest what a prenuptial agreement should have stated, but would rather suggest that one seek legal guidance.

I believe that that pre-marital counseling or education classes be mandatory prior to marriage. In this article:
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=weblog&id=82&wlid=6&cn=289

It states: “A nice article in the Journal of Family Psychology (March 2006, Vol. 20, No. 1, 117-126) by research psychologist Scott Stanley, titled "Premarital Education, Marital Quality, and Marital Stability: Findings From a Large, Random Household Survey" presents evidence from a four state survey of over 3000 homes (representing a wide range of economic, ethic and cultural groupings in Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas and Kansas) that pre-marital counseling helps to make marriages healthy and strong. If this finding was ever in doubt, it should no longer be. “ “Couples in the survey that participated in pre-marital counseling were, on average, 31% less likely to divorce in any given year of their marriage than couples who did not benefit from this counseling. They were also more likely than un-counseled couples to report higher marital satisfaction, lower marital conflict and greater levels of commitment.”


Hire a competent attorney who understands what parental alienation is. I think this is one area where you get what you pay for. Do not base your choice by the amount of the retainer and fees. Also get a fee schedule from your attorney. I would ask others for recommendations of attorneys and ask why they recommend them. Do not be afraid to fire your attorney, if they are not doing the job you expect them to do. You will have to lay out more money to do this, but you cannot be standing there on the day your divorce is to be final and realize you have been screwed. This is from personal experience.

Mediation should be the route for most divorces and custody cases. You feel empowered as you have a say in the outcome of your case. The problem with mediation is that there is a compromise that will and must take place for mediation to work. In cases where one parent is the obsessed alienator, mediation will never work. The obsessed alienator will refuse to budge on issues and will bully you. The obsessed alienator will maintain control.

Prior to any divorce with a custody issue, there should be mandatory parenting and or counseling classes, where both parents must attend together. I am not sure of the mandated states that require this or of the mandated sessions that are required. I think a minimum of a 12 week in depth parenting with counseling sessions should be required. I am sure many would think that this is too much and some may be thinking 12 more weeks that I must interact with my soon to be ex. This is not about you, but about your children.

I also think that custody orders should spell out exact times, dates and locations for visitation, as well as who is responsible for transportation. The typical every other weekend and Wednesday night visitation leaves much to the obsessed alienators mind to interpret. They will unilaterally interpret the orders based on their own actions and motives. I also think that custody orders have provisions that spell out that each parent is should be free from derogatory actions, claims and words from the other parent. It should also spell out the ramifications of such actions. A custody order should also state that all communications between the father and mother be in writing, with a copy sent to each of their attorney’s and also the guardian ad litem. This will prevent any he said, she said issues. Of course I could suggest several more options, but they will mean nothing unless the judges hearing these cases uphold the law and provide relief for the parents that are alienated from their children. Interference by a parent that prevents visitation, parenting responsibilities, or access to their child’s activities should be punished and not just by a slap on the wrist.

Lastly, child protective services need to realize that in the context of high conflict divorces and custody cases, they must be aware that false allegations of abuse will be alleged. I understand that people that make allegations are protected from making a false report if they believe that the allegation is true. CPS needs to discover the relationship between the person making the accusation and the accused. If you have not had contact with the accuser in years, how can they be a reliable source for information? Therefore, CPS needs to ask where they got the information and prosecute these people that make allegations falsely.

Of course nothing will change until people involved with the issues of child custody understand that parental alienation occurs. Counseling will help those parents who are naïve and active alienators, but I do not think there is much that can be done in that aspect for the obsessed alienator. This is why the judges need to have some backbone and punish the obsessed alienators. The current punishments are not enough to deter them. This is what needs to change.

Not one or all of these issues will ever change the outcome for parents and children targeted by the obsessed alienator. Education is the key for those in power to realize that this exists. Sadly, I feel that until one of those in power experiences the tragedy of parental alienation will things ever change.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Different degrees of parental alienation

In his book Divorce Casualties, Douglas Darnall, Ph.D. describes the three types of alienators; naive, active and obsessed. I think every parent, whether divorced or not, should read this book. In families without conflict, this book can serve as a tool for better parenting tips. In families where there is conflict, this can help to point out some behaviors that can be damaging to the children.

Naive alienators: I believe that everyone from time to time is a naive alienator. You do not even have to have children to fall into this category. It is human nature to say things we regret later when we are hurt, angry, frustrated or tired. Everyone has said something they later regret and we apologize for those hurtful words. Parents in custody cases will say things against the other parent that they later realize they should not have said. These words were not said with a malicious undertone, but usually out of frustration. As parents, we do not want our children to hear these words and will explain to our children that those words were not meant to degrade the other parent. Naive alienators feel secure in their relationship with their children and encourage the relationship with the other parent. They will abide by the court orders as well. Naive alienators will feel guilt if they think they have hurt the child's relationship with the other parent. Naive alienators do not have any problems with allowing the other parent access to school functions, records, pictures. They will encourage that the other parent take an active role. This type of alienator is able to place the needs of their child above their own desires.

Active alienators want their children to have a positive interaction with the other parent, but have a difficult time controlling their anger and hurt over the loss of the marriage. These types of alienators will make negative comments about the other parent in front of the child. They know this behavior is wrong, but have self control issues. These types of alienators are able to place the interests of their child above theirs, but they need help in their parenting skills. They are not bad parents and do not mean to disintegrate the relationship between the child and the other parent. Some form of parenting classes or therapy will most likely help this type of parent work through their own personal obstacles that are allowing them to lash out at the other parent in front of the children. I do not believe that active alienators can turn into obsessed alienators if their actions go unchecked. Active alienators have some self control issues where their anger is concerned, but want their child to have a relationship with the other parent. Active alienators may need to find other interests and or hobbies to occupy their moments of feeling betrayed by the other spouse. I believe that therapy is very helpful for this type of alienator and I believe that it can be successful.

Obsessed alienators are a different type of person. I think that if anyone has experienced parental alienation at the hands of the obsessed alienator and has sought support of others that fall into that category, you will see that certain characteristics emerge. No one wants to admit that abuse took place in their marriage and I feel this to be true especially amongst men that have experienced abuse by their wives. This would say that they were weak. No man wants to admit that he was weak. The abuse could have been physical or emotional. One of the things that I read and hear is that control was something their ex spouse had. This is different than having a discussion and wanting your spouse to take your stand on an issue and giving your reasons why and perhaps persuading them to accept. Control is “my way or the highway attitude.” You agree or you don’t. If you agree you know things will go well for you and you can continue to go on. If you do not agree, you know there will be hell to pay. I also think that obsessed alienators fall into the narcissistic, sociopath or psychopathic or a combination of the aforementioned disorders. When one marries a person that could be or is narcissistic, a sociopath or psychopathic, you become their possession. Anything acquired during that marriage is their possession, be it property, material belongings or children. They will control everything. If you decide to divorce this type of person, they will again use their ways of persuasion to gain control. Most parents want contact and access to their children and are willing to give up material possessions to secure that. How many times have you seen a mother or father give up the home so their children are not disrupted in their daily lives? They want is best for their children, so they do what they thought was best. Little do they know that the obsessed alienator lies in the cover of the brush as a tiger waits on its prey? Waiting to pounce and attack with a vengeance.

I compare the obsessed alienator to a tiger because tigers are mostly considered a villain. They live largely secretive lives and attack preys using stealth, cunning and agility. A tiger’s unwillingness to fight without necessity has often been seen as lack of courage and aggression. This is what obsessed alienators are; aggressive and they lack the courage to face the issues that drive them to commit these acts.

Obsessed alienators will not follow court orders. Court orders do not intimidate them for the possible consequences they may face. Obsessed alienators have one goal in mind and that is to destroy the relationship with the healthy parent. Obsessed alienators will gather anyone they can to support their cause. You may find yourself in court with people you have never seen before ready to testify to some atrocious act that you have done. Obsessed alienators thrive on the concept that the more the merrier. The more that support their accusations against you, the merrier the obsessed alienator becomes. They will project their downfalls upon the other parent and be very convincing. If the courts take their side, they have succeeded in one quest, but there are more to come. The obsessed alienator is right no matter how delusional the allegations appear. Obsessed alienators will go to counseling, but only for a short time. They do not need help and they are only there to show the counselor that they can comply. They will say what is needed to suspend those sessions.

Counseling will not help change the obsessed alienator. The only one getting any help from sessions will be the target parent.

Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.

How can someone help when there is parental alienation?

I hear many times, "I wish there was something I could to do to help you." I understand this to mean that the person saying this cares and empathizes with you, but feels totally helpless. Quite honestly I did not have a reply either, because what could they do to help? They cannot attempt to talk some sense into my child or ex spouse. That would be futile. They can pray for my child, ex spouse and myself, which I do suggest they do. I have been thinking about what someone can do when there is parental alienation happening and I have come to offer this.



If you are the friend of a couple that is going through a divorce that has children, a teacher, a school counselor, a school principal, a social worker, a child care provider, a lawyer, a policeman or policewoman, a doctor, a nurse or any other person that has contact with children and or divorcing couples with children, you MUST educate yourself about parental alienation. You must not be afraid to voice a concern. You must not take the attitude of I do want to get involved in their business. If you are dating a divorced person with children and have some apprehensions and have a gut feeling about things, or think you see some red flags, or your friends tell you this person is wrong for you, then listen to your inner voice and some of the advice you are receiving.



Let me for a moment explain why I said the above statement. When I met the man whom would become the father of our child, I was told that he was bad news. I was told to stay away from him. I ignored that advice. He was divorced himself and had children from his previous marriage. What I saw was a man that missed his children tremendously, loved his children and wanted to spend more time with them. I would also hear him talk poorly about his ex wife and heard all of the terrible things she did during their marriage and why she wanted the marriage to end. We are human and most certainly do not like to admit that we could be part of a problem. I also thought that everyone talked poorly about the ex spouse at first, until you reached a point where you both could coexist. I also heard his family members: mother, father, brothers and sisters, openly trash the mother of his children. They were hurt that their son was losing his marriage and his everyday ability to be a father and thought this was just part of the normal grieving process of divorce. I am not sure if this is part of a grieving process, but I think that any divorcing couple should at least be able to say something positive about the other person, especially if children are involved. The degradation of his ex wife were not red flags at first, but after some time, the constant bad mouthing of his ex wife became old. He did not alienate his children by the tactics used by obsessed alienators, but do have to say his relationship with his children at this time is strained to say the least. He did not have the opportunity to be an obsessed alienator. I do believe that he caused his own alienation. I really do not wish to elaborate more about this at this time.



So what can someone do to help? You need to be aware of the signs and symptoms of parental alienation. You need to realize that this is an extremely deceptive form of child abuse that is perpetrated by a vindictive ex-spouse. It is designed to destroy the targeted parent at all cost, even if it means destroying the children in the process. If you are a grandparent that has a child going through a divorce, you need to remain neutral. You need to keep contact with your former daughter or son in law. You need to stop the degrading of the other spouse by telling the person who is making these comments that you will not be a willing party. If your son or daughter is making degrading remarks, you will have to practice tough love. If it is your daughter or son in law making these comments, you must stand your ground that you will not allow these comments to be made. Do not let threats that you will never see your grandchild again scare you. If they are so determined to make good on that threat, your cooperation with them will only result in your heartbreak. If your good friend is going through a divorce you must do the same as a grandparent should do. You cannot sit idly by and think that trashing a mother or father of a child is normal behavior, until the parents reach a point where they co exist. If you think they will reach that point, the damage has already begun.



If you are a teacher or a principal and a parent questions how they can get copies of their child's school pictures, report cards or notifications of parent teacher conferences, sporting events, plays or anything that their child is involved in, comply with this request. That parent most likely is unable to obtain this information from the other parent and the courts are no relief. Do not assume that the child provides this information.

Be aware when a new love interest starts to refer to the children as ours. This could mean nothing sinister, but could also reflect the alienating parents view that they are attempting to replace the child's parent. Listen if a target parent tells you that things have changed between them and their children for no apparent reason. Do not try to pass it off as a stage. Be wary when allegations of abuse arise for no apparent reason. Spouses do not start abuse when the marriage is about to end.



Educate yourself, learn about parental alienation, learn about child abuse, learn about false allegations, listen to both sides if you are able and trust your inner feelings. People that deceive seem to forget whom they have told what story to. Also some of these stories seem almost outright ridiculous. Ask for proof, not hearsay. There WILL be a trail of deception. You may have to search public records. There will be a paper trail.



You will learn that that the target parent can tell you many terrible things about the other parent but will place the best interest of their child first. The target parent can also tell you some enduring qualities of the alienating parent as well. You will also learn that a target parent wishes to protect their child from having to hear anything negative about the other parent. An alienating parent cannot express any positive attitudes towards the target parent. Do not confuse that they may profess that they encourage their child or children to have a relationship with the target parent but they cannot force the child to have one. They are projecting the "independent thinker" upon you. A child does not want to hate the other parent.



To hate the other parent is to hate half of your child. Target parents do not want their child to hate a part of themselves.



Educate yourself about parental alienation. Look for the signs. Children do not want to hate the other parent. Become a voice.



Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.

Alec Baldwin's book " A Promise to Ourselves"

A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce








With all due respect to Mr. Baldwin, I never envisioned myself purchasing a book written by him. I do not agree with many of his views that he supports. When the widely publicized release of the recording of the voice message he left his daughter hit the media air waves, I was appalled. My first reaction was, you, Mr. Baldwin are the thoughtless pig. This of course was the goal of the media. After I was able to get over the initial shock that a parent would say such things to their child, I was able to think about this recording. Other than hearing degrading words to his daughter, I could hear anger, frustration and desperation in his voice. I wondered was Mr. Baldwin a target parent as well?



Whether one agrees or disagrees, I find it very discouraging that it took a "celebrity" to be affected by parental alienation to have some media recognition. Unfortunately, the recognition that was reverberating worldwide, could provide organizations that believe that parental alienation is junk science.



One of the most difficult things a target parent deals with is having to separate what they think a child old enough to know better should be capable of thinking and doing and what children that are brainwashed are able to do. It is hard to separate that a child of 10,11,13,15,17 or any age who is capable of knowing the difference between right and wrong, is capable of "buying into" the process of being encouraged to hate another parent. This is where that outburst by Mr. Baldwin, although wrong, is also understandable from a targeted parents point of view.



A target parent, which is "usually" the non custodial or non residential parent, no longer has the parenting abilities they once had. They get "awarded" the standard amount of "visitation" with their child and if they are "lucky", they get "awarded" a more generous or liberal amount of time. When did divorce mean that you give up your rights as a parent and if you play your cards right, you can get "awarded" more time with your child? It is a system seriously flawed and this is one of the things that Mr. Baldwin makes a point of in his book.



Most parents do not have to have their divorce and custody cases broad casted into the media spotlight. To experience a contentious custody issue and to be cast into the media spotlight, is an opportunity by an alienating parent more than happy to exploit.



If you thought of buying his book to read all the "dirty details" of his divorce, you will be sadly disappointed. I thought he did a great job of telling his story without having to trash the mother of their child. Something that target parents are told, is to take the high road and to not discuss the details. Without some details, it is difficult to understand how the alienation plays a role now in your own particular case. If you thought of buying this book to read about parental alienation, he does provide some heartbreaking details about what parental alienation does. It also allows you to realize that sometimes a parent just gives up, not because they want to, but because they are fighting a battle they know they will never win. Mr. Baldwin did not give up and he fights. Most parents do not have the financial resources that Mr. Baldwin has to fight this fight. Please do not let that detail deter a target parent from fighting for what is right and that is to be a parent.



The book was easy reading for me. I did not break down in a sea of tears, like some other books I have read and am unable to pick the book back up to continue. This was not said to minimize his book. I did have a few sea of tears moments, especially because I could relate and knew the hurt. His book seemed to not focus on the let's hit the target parent in the heart, but to explain and discuss. Although I hate to admit this, I found an appreciation for Mr. Baldwin after reading this book.



If you would like to purchase his book and to read it, I would appreciate that you click the link I have posted in this entry and to make your purchase. I won't beat around the bush. A target parent's fight in the courts is expensive and exhausting. Your purchase helps.



Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.