Monday, November 10, 2008

What do Alienating and Target parents look like?

What do alienating and target parents look like? They look like any other person one would meet. They look like your spouse, your brother, sister, parents, friends, co-workers, or the stranger next to you in line at the store. They do not fit any physical description, but I do believe that they fit certain mental or emotional descriptions.

Alienating parents are manipulative and liars. They can turn any benign situation into a hostile one and can manipulate those in authority to see their side of things. They are masters of deceit. They exploit others and use them as an end to their means. They are arrogant and can show their lack of self control if contradicted or confronted. Often this lack of control can be seen as rage. They are aggressive and demand the upper hand in all situations. They lack true compassion and empathy, but will use these traits to gain something they desire. They thrive on conflict and the feeling that they have won. With the alienating parent it is me, me, me, not us. The person who falls prey to their tactics will profess "us".

Target parents are passive and resist confrontations. Target parents can think of others first and many times will sacrifice their own needs for those that they feel need something more. They can be described as meek and mild. They may even appear as submissive. They follow rules and believe that rules apply to everyone, not just a select few. They are willing to admit their faults and will seek help if needed. Although a target parent may articulate well, they often lack the ability to completely verbalize the needs or problems of a situation, when confronted. They feel the need to protect and many times have the philosophy of treat others as you wish to be treated. This trait plays well into the hands of the alienator. Target parents want to tell their side of the story, but struggle with the possibility that they themselves will now look like an alienating parent.

One of the things I would like to point out is that since alienating parents manipulate situations and lie, these actions will eventually catch up with them. Of course, those that fall prey to them are in a state of constant confusion, that they themselves tend to forget what is real and what is not. It is once a person is free of this control, that they start to piece together the pieces as if they were a puzzle. I figured this out from the relationship with my ex spouse. Once I was free of his control and manipulations, many things did not make sense. I even questioned my own well being at one time. This is what they want, to keep you on edge, to make you needy and dependent upon them. This is when I started putting the pieces of the puzzle together and the picture was not pretty. Alienators leave a trail behind. You just have to want to start looking for it and piece it together.

Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.

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