This just in! David Goldman is now reunited with his son Sean, after a lengthy five year court battle with Sean's stepfather. May Mr. Goldman and his son find peace, joy and happiness in their reunification process. God Bless!
You can read the news here.
Showing posts with label something to believe in. Show all posts
Showing posts with label something to believe in. Show all posts
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
You have nothing to be ashmed of
If you are the target parent experiencing parental alienation, YOU have nothing to be ashamed of. I know that when I first learned about parental alienation first hand because I was being targeted, I was ashamed to talk about it. In my mind and from what we learn what is socially acceptable, mothers do not lose custody, they do not give up custody and mothers do not have children that despise every breath they take. Please do not misinterpret my words of socially acceptable to mean that it was accepted that fathers were hated by their children and it was expected that they lose custody and society accepted that.
For any parent that once shared a close bond with their children and now find themselves separated from their children and hated by them, through no actions of their own, you are not alone and you should not feel ashamed. I know that I once was ashamed, because how did it look to outsiders that my son hated me. My son and I shared a very close bond. We went to the zoo, went to museums, colored pictures together, read stories together, drove around at Christmas finding all the pretty lights, went on picnics and more. Everyone that knew me, knew that my son was with me if they saw me out. Then I became the target in the crime of parental alienation. My life as I knew it would forever be changed. No one understood how my child could hate me. It was a phase I was told. This was more than a phase, it was abuse to my son. I also got the looks that if I was accused of child abuse and other heinous allegations then there must be some truth to it. I could not talk about what was happening to anyone for many reasons. I did not understand myself what was happening and I found it difficult to explain. My child loving me yesterday and now hates me today is so foreign for anyone to understand. I, myself, could not understand how overnight everything changed. How could anyone else? Perhaps I did contribute to this, but how?
After I found out that there is a name to this hatred and abuse, I read everything I could read about it. Parental alienation was a foreign word to me and I read a lot about it. I would come to the conclusion that parental alienation has existed for a long time, even before it was given a name.
One of the most difficult things I read concerning parental alienation was the letting go part. Letting go to me, meant that I gave up on my son and I accepted that I may never have him back. I could not read that chapter without the tears flowing. The words became so blurred and I was not reading the message, I was only seeing what I thought it meant. I may be wrong, but I think letting go means letting go of the deep seated hurt that fuels one self to tell their side of the story. For me this meant, I wanted so much for my son to know both sides of the story. I did not do these heinous acts that I was accused of, I had documentation of acts that his father did and dammit, why? Letting go has taken on a different meaning for me now. It means having the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. I cannot change what my son's father says about me or what he does to forbid access of our son to me. I can either live my life or dwell upon the past. I can also take solitude in the fact that children want to love both parents and I support that. When children mature or face a similar obstacle, they may come to that realization as well. I have read that children who are victims of parental alienation, do not want to know the story or the truth. They just want to love both parents without conditions placed upon them. Target parents are the ones that have loved their children unconditionally.
So if you are a target parent, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Read books about parental alienation, talk about your situation to others that are experiencing the same thing and continue to live. You are stronger than you think you are.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
For any parent that once shared a close bond with their children and now find themselves separated from their children and hated by them, through no actions of their own, you are not alone and you should not feel ashamed. I know that I once was ashamed, because how did it look to outsiders that my son hated me. My son and I shared a very close bond. We went to the zoo, went to museums, colored pictures together, read stories together, drove around at Christmas finding all the pretty lights, went on picnics and more. Everyone that knew me, knew that my son was with me if they saw me out. Then I became the target in the crime of parental alienation. My life as I knew it would forever be changed. No one understood how my child could hate me. It was a phase I was told. This was more than a phase, it was abuse to my son. I also got the looks that if I was accused of child abuse and other heinous allegations then there must be some truth to it. I could not talk about what was happening to anyone for many reasons. I did not understand myself what was happening and I found it difficult to explain. My child loving me yesterday and now hates me today is so foreign for anyone to understand. I, myself, could not understand how overnight everything changed. How could anyone else? Perhaps I did contribute to this, but how?
After I found out that there is a name to this hatred and abuse, I read everything I could read about it. Parental alienation was a foreign word to me and I read a lot about it. I would come to the conclusion that parental alienation has existed for a long time, even before it was given a name.
One of the most difficult things I read concerning parental alienation was the letting go part. Letting go to me, meant that I gave up on my son and I accepted that I may never have him back. I could not read that chapter without the tears flowing. The words became so blurred and I was not reading the message, I was only seeing what I thought it meant. I may be wrong, but I think letting go means letting go of the deep seated hurt that fuels one self to tell their side of the story. For me this meant, I wanted so much for my son to know both sides of the story. I did not do these heinous acts that I was accused of, I had documentation of acts that his father did and dammit, why? Letting go has taken on a different meaning for me now. It means having the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. I cannot change what my son's father says about me or what he does to forbid access of our son to me. I can either live my life or dwell upon the past. I can also take solitude in the fact that children want to love both parents and I support that. When children mature or face a similar obstacle, they may come to that realization as well. I have read that children who are victims of parental alienation, do not want to know the story or the truth. They just want to love both parents without conditions placed upon them. Target parents are the ones that have loved their children unconditionally.
So if you are a target parent, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Read books about parental alienation, talk about your situation to others that are experiencing the same thing and continue to live. You are stronger than you think you are.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try
"Impossible is not a word It’s just a reason for someone not to try" This is a verse in a song I just recently heard. What a statement!
I love music and like many I have my songs that relate to different areas in my life. The song that played when my husband danced our first dance at our wedding. The song that I state reflects my feelings for my son. The sad songs that reflect a breakup, the happy songs that reflect the happy times and the fun songs that reflect upon fun times. The words can be very powerful and many times comforting.
I write a lot about having faith that the parental alienation will end. I write about never giving up. Watch the video and read the lyrics that I will post for the song and have faith. Never give up.
"Impossible is not a word It’s just a reason for someone not to try" What seems impossible today may be possible another day.
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I love music and like many I have my songs that relate to different areas in my life. The song that played when my husband danced our first dance at our wedding. The song that I state reflects my feelings for my son. The sad songs that reflect a breakup, the happy songs that reflect the happy times and the fun songs that reflect upon fun times. The words can be very powerful and many times comforting.
I write a lot about having faith that the parental alienation will end. I write about never giving up. Watch the video and read the lyrics that I will post for the song and have faith. Never give up.
"Impossible is not a word It’s just a reason for someone not to try" What seems impossible today may be possible another day.
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Never give up!
I came upon this poem about perseverance and I think that every target should read this and think about it:
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
As a target parent and from talking with other target parents, I understand the feeling of wanting to quit. You want to throw your hands up, wave the white surrender flag, snap your fingers and have the time turn back to when things were normal with your children. You are tired, exhausted emotionally, strained physically and financially ruined. You have spent so much time, energy and money and you are no closer to your children. You may think that waiting until they are older and they have some maturity that perhaps they will seek you out. This can and does happen sometimes, but are you willing to gamble with this idea?
I understand that it is difficult to continue to extend the hand of communication and contact when all you get in return is hatred. Everyone wants some positive reinforcement for their efforts. I understand the thought of "why bother". Your children are depending upon you to be there and I understand that they may not be demonstrating that. In fact they are resisting your efforts and doing everything they can to push you away. I do believe that deep down, they do not want you to push away.
I suggest that if you have not read this book, that you read it. I think you will gain a new perspective and hope on your situation. You can click the link and it will take you to Amazon.com where you can purchase this book.
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
Never give up! I would like to share some quotes with you and I hope that they make a difference.
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the abuse!
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
As a target parent and from talking with other target parents, I understand the feeling of wanting to quit. You want to throw your hands up, wave the white surrender flag, snap your fingers and have the time turn back to when things were normal with your children. You are tired, exhausted emotionally, strained physically and financially ruined. You have spent so much time, energy and money and you are no closer to your children. You may think that waiting until they are older and they have some maturity that perhaps they will seek you out. This can and does happen sometimes, but are you willing to gamble with this idea?
I understand that it is difficult to continue to extend the hand of communication and contact when all you get in return is hatred. Everyone wants some positive reinforcement for their efforts. I understand the thought of "why bother". Your children are depending upon you to be there and I understand that they may not be demonstrating that. In fact they are resisting your efforts and doing everything they can to push you away. I do believe that deep down, they do not want you to push away.
I suggest that if you have not read this book, that you read it. I think you will gain a new perspective and hope on your situation. You can click the link and it will take you to Amazon.com where you can purchase this book.
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
Never give up! I would like to share some quotes with you and I hope that they make a difference.
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."
"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up."
"Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity. "
"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."
"Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about."
Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The Carnival
Today, I am trying something different. I hope to give some hope to target parents as well. My title, " The Carnival" must seem a bit odd, but bear with me. The reason I am writing this is because I heard something the other day and an analogy was made. After I thought about it, it made a lot of sense.
Do you remember when you were little and your parents took you to the county fair, the carnival or something similar to this? If you had never been before, you were not sure what the excitement was. If you had been before, you were excited that you could go again. Once a year, you piled into the car, made the trip to the carnival and experienced the magic that it had for you. As young children, the only care was the exciting rides and the possibility to win some gifts at the games. The lights at night were memorizing and the smells of the different foods that you were not allowed to eat were more than alluring. Perhaps, your parents "allowed" you to ride what they considered the safe rides..Maybe they gave you a small amount of money or you saved up some to spend on the games. I think most parents told their children that these games were rigged and you were wasting your time and money on them. Perhaps they allowed you to learn your lesson as well. You spent your money on the games and now have nothing left to buy a fresh squeezed lemonade.
But the allure of the games was there. The people running them are calling out to you, enticing you with the big gift. You see others walking around with large gifts. You tell your parents that you can win, it is real, see the prizes and more. Maybe you play and win, maybe not. But the illusion that they are real and easy is there. You cannot escape this. You have been sucked into the illusion of something that is not real.
Fast forward from your childhood to now you are the parent taking your children to the carnival. You realize the excitement, the allure and you also realize that these games just take your money. Oh the promise is there and the illusion is such, but how do you make your children understand this?
Welcome to adulthood! So many years ago, you were that child with the big eyes, the excitement and the belief that this was real. But you have spent that money trying to win that prize and walked away with nothing more than a try again buddy! You left the carnival after spending your money on foods that were bad for you, rides that upset your stomach and games that did not deliver the promise, but you still had fun. Thankfully the carnivals only come once a year.
Children that are being programmed against a parent is like going to the carnival. They are promised all the hype and told all the lies, but it does not deliver.There is promise and there is fun as well. Some of these children realize the lies when they reach an age. Some don't and hold onto the belief that the big prize exists.
Alienated children are told that the other parent is bad, they lie, they abuse and more. Children can be manipulated into believing this. The children may even provide stories themselves to substantiate the lies being told by the alienating parent. Like the carnival, they are mislead into believing something that is far from the truth.
Some of these children will mature and realize that what appeared as truth is an illusion. Some may not and old onto that belief that the other parent is bad because they are told so. There is fun, there is promises and there is prizes for accepting this. But one day they will realize.
I do not know if and when this will happen, but as a targeted parent, you MUST keep contact, tell your children that you love them and be the parent that is there for them. Promise them nothing other than unconditional love. Parents that alienate have conditions on their love---- Target parents do not.
Do you remember when you were little and your parents took you to the county fair, the carnival or something similar to this? If you had never been before, you were not sure what the excitement was. If you had been before, you were excited that you could go again. Once a year, you piled into the car, made the trip to the carnival and experienced the magic that it had for you. As young children, the only care was the exciting rides and the possibility to win some gifts at the games. The lights at night were memorizing and the smells of the different foods that you were not allowed to eat were more than alluring. Perhaps, your parents "allowed" you to ride what they considered the safe rides..Maybe they gave you a small amount of money or you saved up some to spend on the games. I think most parents told their children that these games were rigged and you were wasting your time and money on them. Perhaps they allowed you to learn your lesson as well. You spent your money on the games and now have nothing left to buy a fresh squeezed lemonade.
But the allure of the games was there. The people running them are calling out to you, enticing you with the big gift. You see others walking around with large gifts. You tell your parents that you can win, it is real, see the prizes and more. Maybe you play and win, maybe not. But the illusion that they are real and easy is there. You cannot escape this. You have been sucked into the illusion of something that is not real.
Fast forward from your childhood to now you are the parent taking your children to the carnival. You realize the excitement, the allure and you also realize that these games just take your money. Oh the promise is there and the illusion is such, but how do you make your children understand this?
Welcome to adulthood! So many years ago, you were that child with the big eyes, the excitement and the belief that this was real. But you have spent that money trying to win that prize and walked away with nothing more than a try again buddy! You left the carnival after spending your money on foods that were bad for you, rides that upset your stomach and games that did not deliver the promise, but you still had fun. Thankfully the carnivals only come once a year.
Children that are being programmed against a parent is like going to the carnival. They are promised all the hype and told all the lies, but it does not deliver.There is promise and there is fun as well. Some of these children realize the lies when they reach an age. Some don't and hold onto the belief that the big prize exists.
Alienated children are told that the other parent is bad, they lie, they abuse and more. Children can be manipulated into believing this. The children may even provide stories themselves to substantiate the lies being told by the alienating parent. Like the carnival, they are mislead into believing something that is far from the truth.
Some of these children will mature and realize that what appeared as truth is an illusion. Some may not and old onto that belief that the other parent is bad because they are told so. There is fun, there is promises and there is prizes for accepting this. But one day they will realize.
I do not know if and when this will happen, but as a targeted parent, you MUST keep contact, tell your children that you love them and be the parent that is there for them. Promise them nothing other than unconditional love. Parents that alienate have conditions on their love---- Target parents do not.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Missed the 1500 day mark
So today, August 28, 2009 is day 1503 that my son has not said that he loved me. I guess after some time, you miss these milestones. Just for the record1503 days = 4.11507763 years.
Things will change! I know it, I just have to keep doing what I do. Love my son and let him know that.
Things will change! I know it, I just have to keep doing what I do. Love my son and let him know that.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Does New Jersey understand Parental Alienation?
Finally! Finally it seems that at least one State recognizes a problem that has been occurring for decades and finally it seems that there could be some remedy through the judicial system.
Let me state this, there is no monetary award that could be given to target parents that will ever make up for the lost parenting time and destroyed relationship with their children.!
In cases of parental alienation the alienating parent uses the court to legally harass and abuse the target parent. They know the courts will do nothing. Every false claim made by the alienating parent results in cost to the target parent; financially, emotionally and physically. Target parents cannot seek relief for these actions. The alienating parent does not care and seems to have a bottomless wallet or purse. The alienating parent knows that custody will not be taken from them as well.
Parental Alienation is a major problem in child custody cases. One parent must not be allowed to purposely destroy the relationship of their child with the other parent. Parental alienation must be recognized and a tort must be allowed to provide relief.
In this article A NJ COURT DETERMINES THAT A CAUSE OF ACTION FOR PARENTAL ALIENATION EXISTS a Judge in Hudson County "recognized that parents in NJ may have a right to collect damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress when their relationships with their children are poisoned by former spouses or even grandparents who partake in alienating behaviors. "
Kudos to this Judge! I would like to see this adopted worldwide!
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Let me state this, there is no monetary award that could be given to target parents that will ever make up for the lost parenting time and destroyed relationship with their children.!
In cases of parental alienation the alienating parent uses the court to legally harass and abuse the target parent. They know the courts will do nothing. Every false claim made by the alienating parent results in cost to the target parent; financially, emotionally and physically. Target parents cannot seek relief for these actions. The alienating parent does not care and seems to have a bottomless wallet or purse. The alienating parent knows that custody will not be taken from them as well.
Parental Alienation is a major problem in child custody cases. One parent must not be allowed to purposely destroy the relationship of their child with the other parent. Parental alienation must be recognized and a tort must be allowed to provide relief.
In this article A NJ COURT DETERMINES THAT A CAUSE OF ACTION FOR PARENTAL ALIENATION EXISTS a Judge in Hudson County "recognized that parents in NJ may have a right to collect damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress when their relationships with their children are poisoned by former spouses or even grandparents who partake in alienating behaviors. "
Kudos to this Judge! I would like to see this adopted worldwide!
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
My Christmas Wish List
Dear Santa,
I know this letter will get to you a bit later than you you wish, but quite frankly I have not been in the Christmas spirit. I am not sure if you can bring me everything I would like, but I appreciate you trying.
I have not seen my son for some time and would really love to be able to see him during the Christmas holiday. Perhaps, you could pick him up when you deliver gifts there and bring him along in your sleigh. That sure would be nice and if you can accomplish this, you do not have to bring me anything else.
I would like some thick thermal or soft fleece shirts because I wear them to work. Other than that I don't need anything else. Well, I could use some money but I don't think the elves do that.
If you are able to pick up my son, would you drop off some books about parental alienation for his dad. I don't know if it would help, but maybe he does not realize what he is doing to our child. You can even order them on this site!
I hope all is well in the North Pole and that you have a safe trip.
Love,
Alienated Mom
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Hope...something to believe in
I have been asked if I have "hope" that my child will eventually return to me and my answer is always yes. I have to believe that. In this quest to post this, I came across this video by the band Poison titled "Something to Believe In" The lyrics are somewhat controversial, but what I heard was "give me something to believe in."
Hope is connected to staying inspired and that is what target parents have to do. We have to stay inspired to continue contact even though it is not returned. We have to send letters and gifts, make phone calls and send the emails even though they may be intercepted, destroyed or given to our child without the child knowing they came from us.
From what I have read approximately 95 percent of alienated children do reconcile. When, I can not answer, but this also happened because the target parent refused to go away. Keep the hope, faith and inspiration that there could be a reconciliation. Until then find something to believe in. ...HOPE
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
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