Thankful

Thankful? What kind of title is that? Thankful for what? Don't you know what I am dealing with? How can you be thankful? You may be wondering where I am going with this.

Today I decided I better start decorating for Christmas. I was far from the mood. I started out by moving furniture and then cleaning. I made the trek up to the attic to find the Christmas decorations. I found the Christmas tree, I could not bring it down myself. Oh what the heck, let it fall down the stairs. I open the box and look at this contraption as it was this complicated puzzle. I left it there and went back to the computer to check email and play a game. Anything to give me an excuse not to do this. I went back to the large box and took out the base that the tree will sit in and I place it where this tree will be displayed. It is an easy task that I accomplish without problems. I am almost finished!!! Go and play another game on my computer. I come back to the large box and nothing has changed. So I lift the base of the tree and place it in the base. Mission accomplished so far. How bad will a quarter of a tree look, I think. I have hours to do this and I have many days till Christmas. I say to myself, gee I have done well. Back to my computer to play again. I am not wanting to do this. My son will not be here. Why am I doing this?

I finally go back to the mission of setting up my tree. I just look at this quarter of a tree and the two other sections that I must place together. Oh yeah, I forgot, I have to separate the branches and fluff it out so it looks real. My smart idea when my son lived with me was to get one of these trees that look "real" that has a million tips! I do the base of the tree and get to attach the middle section. Oh how much longer do I have? I can put this all back in the box and somehow haul it back up to the attic. Oh what the heck, it is downstairs...make the best of it. Sure....I think I need to check email again and play a game on the computer.

By now several hours have passed from my idea of decorating to my semi finished half tree. The games I am playing are becoming boring. Check email... no new email. I decide to have some Christmas music play in the background to get me in the mood. I wander over to my CD's and look carefully through my selections. Mannheim Steamroller...oh yeah that is cool, TSO.. yeah that is great, Celine Dion Christmas selection...sure I like her, Josh Groban Christmas CD...love his voice, some instrumental Christmas CD...oh yeah I remember...very soothing. A diverse selection that should get me in the mood. It seems to work! I am singing and dancing...hope my neighbors can not see me. What the heck! This is fun...not as it was when my son would help in decorating. I am missing that. I reminisce in the times we had.

I finish the tree finally and my songs are still playing. I sit down to take in the moment. I look at my Christmas tree and the other sparkly decorations that I have placed. You can squint your eyes, imagine and lose yourself in a thought. Then this song comes on. What does this have to do with Christmas? It is a very pretty melody. I hit replay several times, listening and taking in the words. I can almost sing word for word with the song by the time I am done.

I realize that my sadness and self pity in putting up my tree and not having my son here is not that important anymore. I realize I have read your stories and many of you are experiencing far worse situations than I am. I realize that I forget to look around myself and see the joy that surrounds me. I realize I take things for granted and I should give more. I listen to the words that we pray for what we know can be, and on this day we hope for, what we still can't see. It's up to us, to be the change. Wait it is up to me to be the change? Yes it is! I must continue to reach out to my son and to other target parents. One day this will change! We still all do more!

Watch this video and I will post the lyrics as well.



The lyrics:
Somedays, we forget to look around us,
Somedays, we can't see the joy that surrounds us,
so caught up inside ourselves,
we take when we should give,
so for tonight we pray for,
what we know can be,
and on this day we hope for,
what we still can't see,
It's up to us, to be the change,
and even though we all can still do more,
there's so much to be thankful for,
look beyond ourselves,
there's so much sorrow,
it's way to late to say, I'll cry tomorrow
each of us must find our truth,
it's so long overdue,

so for tonight we pray for,
what we know can be,
and everyday, we hope for,
what we still can't see,
it's up to us, to be the change,
and even though we all can still do more,
there's so much to be thankful for,
even with our differences,
there is a place were all connected,
each of us can find each others light,
So for tonight, we pray for
what we know can be,
and on this day, we hope for,
what we still can't see,
it's up to us, to be the change,
and even though this world can still do so much more
there's so much to be thankful for.