Monday, October 25, 2010

best interest of the child?

The best interests of the child is something parents hear about in custody cases. It is the doctrine used by most courts to determine a wide range of issues relating to the well-being of the children. I am sure we have read over the guidelines used in determining what is the best interests of the child. There are two guidelines I find are conflicting, when parental alienation is present. The capacity of each parent to allow and encourage frequent and continuing contact between the child and the other parent, including physical access and the preference of the child.

When parental alienation is present, the alienating parent often limits contact or refuses contact between the children and other (target) parent. The children are brainwashed against the other (target) parent and many times will tell the court that they do not want to see the target parent. This is where the problem lies with the courts. They fail miserably in cases of parental alienation. I do not believe that judges and attorneys are clueless to the actions of parental alienation. I believe they have been well aware of this phenomenon for years, but the current penalties that judges can impose are useless. One can file contempt charges against the alienating parent, but I have found that getting the case heard is difficult. I had my contempt cases rescheduled several times because my ex would have a "reason" why he could not attend court that day. The judges also get irritated when one parent seems to file contempt proceedings as well. As time goes on, the child is being programmed more and more against the target parent. Then the judge listens to the child who states they want nothing to do with you, they hate you and more. I had counseling ordered, but my ex refused to attend. By the time all was said and done, I had a child who wanted nothing to do with me, told the judge he refused to live with me and would run away if forced to live there. The judge felt his hands were tied. Instead of the judge making that decision, I had to allow my son to live with his dad, so I would not have to deal with a runaway.

Alienating parents use the children as accomplices in a crime of hate. The alienating parent will say, I tried to make them see you, but they refuse. Where are the adults in this? When did a minor get to state what they want and have it granted? This is not about a gift they wish for and hope they get it. This is about having contact with the parents who love them.

The courts are doing a great disservice to parents by allowing the "preference of the child" to dominate custody cases. The courts fail to act upon the blocking of access properly.

Studies show time and time again that children benefit from having contact with both parents. This is barring any verifiable and documented cases of TRUE abuse, not the abuse claims made by the alienating parent and by the children who are vague in details or way too knowledgeable of details based upon their age. You may not like your ex and most likely do not if they are an ex now. That does not mean they are now a terrible parent. Children benefit from having contact, love and a stable relationship with both parents. One parent who attempts to sabotage this as a means for revenge is wrong.

The courts need to step up to the bar (pardon the pun) and put a stop permanently to the actions of parental alienation.

When did the best interests of the child mean denying them access to both parents?



  1. Parental Alienation is the worst form of emotional and mental abuse I have ever witnessed.I have been through exactly what was just said in this article.To the T.Using the the child against the other parent is wrong.

  2. I'm going through it right now. My ex husband and his wife are on a relentless campaign that started when my daughter was 12. He bought her her heart's desire, horses. How could I compete with that when I only made 16,000 a year and got $500 a month in child support? His wife is worse. He is careful not to say too much, but the "wallet", his wife, has carte blanche to say anything and everything, designed to malign my character. All my daughter does now is tell me what a liar I am, and can't seem to put her finger on what I've lied about. I'm living in hell right now. She's living over there, and they continue to brainwash her. He has an attorney, and I didn't have one, so my contempt case fell on deaf ears, by a severely biased judge. I've since taken out a loan for an attorney to have the judge recused, and my daughter is on the warpath about it. I could go on and on, but it's too gutwrenching.