Monday, February 25, 2008

The obsessed alienator

Are you dealing with an obsessed alienator? Do you know the signs?

The characteristics of an obsessed alienator are:
They are obsessed with destroying the children's relationship with the targeted parent.

They having succeeded in enmeshing the children's personalities and beliefs about the other parent with their own.

The children will parrot the obsessed alienator rather than express their own feelings from personal experience with the other parent.

The targeted parent and often the children cannot tell you the reasons for their feelings.

Their beliefs sometimes becoming delusional and irrational. No one, especially the court, can convince obsessed alienators that they are wrong. Anyone who tries is the enemy.

They will often seek support from family members, quasi-political groups or friends that will share in their beliefs that they are victimized by the other parent and the system. The battle becomes "us against them." The obsessed alienator's supporters are often seen at the court hearings even though they haven't been subpoenaed. ( I can identify with this one. People would show up at my court cases whom I never had seen before, but they were ready to testify against me)

They have an unquenchable anger because they believe that the targeted parent has victimized them and whatever they do to protect the children is justified. ( Why can't they move on with their lives?)

They have a desire for the court to punish the other parent with court orders that would interfere or block the targeted parent from seeing the children. This confirms in the obsessed alienator's mind that he or she was right all the time.

The court's authority does not intimidate them. ( I can identify with this as well, since I have to go to court for contempt against my ex so I can exercise my parental rights)

The obsessed alienator believes in a higher cause, protecting the children at all cost. (protecting from whom? The courts need to see that the alienator is the one the children need protection from)


  1. Unfortunately in the state of Indiana nothing has changed. Also when the child is over the age of 12 the court could careless. I had an appointed court advocate who sided with me and yet still said the kids would be better off not being "forced" to see me because it caused them intense emotional distress. Thus the court system failed me and aligned themselves with the abuser and against the victim. Alienated mom of three of five children.

  2. I have experienced this without even being aware it was happening. My ex-husband and his second, then third wife, were constantly belittling my ability to financially support my son's "wants" although, I met his "needs". Everytime, they saw him, they would speak negatively about me and if he chimed in, he would be reinforced with gifts and cash. He turned 18 & we told him he would have to go to a local college for the first 2 yrs. His dad told him I was cheating him and signed him up for a 4 year at $32,000. His dad then had my son loan it all and bought him a newer used car, in return he was never to speak to me again. His dad is a teacher and has been in the paper for hitting a kid, jumped jobs, and now is head of a Bikers Against Child Abuse group. My son communicates via email with me because his dad cannot view or track that. His dad has blocked my husband, myself and our daughter from my older son's phone. He has also sent me texts stating his intention is to do this exact thing with our other son as well. We have him in counseling and trying to access services. This is the most awful thing that can happen to a parent. The pain is incredible.