"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

It is difficult to imagine that a child could hate a parent for no apparent reason or for reasons that are ambiguous.  It is as difficult as well to imagine a child who once shared a deep bond with a parent or whom looked forward to visits with the other parent, suddenly profess a deep disgust to such parent.  Unfortunately this happens in many complicated divorce/custody cases.  I am mainly speaking about the control of power that one parent exhibits during these proceedings and that said parent who constantly uses the children as a bargaining tool. 

Custodial parents tend to be the ones who wield this power, but this is trend is changing. Custodial parents tend to spend the majority of the time with the children and therefore have more influence of the children.  While a custodial parent may have more time with the children, this does not mean that they are inherently campaigning against the non custodial parent. 

Instead of concentrating on who is the custodial/non custodial parent…I think the parents should concentrate on being just a parent.  Parenting means to provide support for your child, housing, food and clothing. (I am not inadvertently referring to child support).  Parenting also means supporting your child by attending school functions, helping your child learn, listening to your child and disciplining your child when warranted. As a parent you have to accept your child for who they are…remembering they are half of you and half of the other parent. These qualities were something you found interesting, until the divorce and now they are atrocious. Your child is a combination of both your best and worse traits. 

Recognize that either parent, custodial or not, influence the child’s thinking and behaviors. Take a mindful effort not to speak unconstructively about the other parent.  Keep your conversations private and attempt not to unconsciously present your feelings to your child.  You may be very well having a private conversation with a friend after your children may be asleep, but they may very well overhear your complaints.  Please keep your grievances and conversations away from your children.  Hire a babysitter and meet for a cup of coffee to discuss your feelings. Seek a counselor who will listen and offer suggestions, although you may not appreciate it. 

Remember that you have a responsibility to raise your child to be a productive person. Take your personal feelings away from how you feel about the other parent and concentrate on how you wish your child will react later in life.  Your child is going to learn from your actions and reactions. Please do not alienate yourself in this process.  You may have to bite your tongue; you may have to bite it off. "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Your child may spend approximately 18 years with you, but may spend the next 60+ years seeking a truth.

Parental Alienation Awareness Day April 25, 2012 Events

2012 Parental Alienation Awareness Day Events.

Alberta, Canada

Evening with Parental Alienation
6:00 pm
Parkland Mall, Gateway Parent Link Centre 4747 67 Red Deer, alberta, Canada
contact: Tara, drkathleenreayevents@shaw.ca
Join us for an evening with Parental Alienation Expert Dr. Kathleen Reay! Thursday May 3, 6:00-8:00pm $25 prepaid in advance www.parentalalienationhelp.org/store -or $35 at the door (5:30 pm) This lecture followed by Q& A will provide knowledge, understanding, real-life examples & powerful strategies to deal with the ramifications of PA or PAS. Alienated parents, loved ones, clinicians, lawyers & criminal justice personnel are invited to join. Dr. Kathleen M. Reay, a clinician, researcher, and author of the 341 page book called Toxic Divorce: a Workbook for Alienated Parents is a leading expert on PA/PAS. Dr. Reay was a keynote speaker at the 2011 Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome in Montreal, Quebec. She is also the Founder and Director of the International Institute for Parental Alienation Studies (IIPAS), an exceptional research institute and online learning program for alienated parents, extended family members, and professionals. See http:www.iipas.org for more information. She also receives many inquiries regarding her availability as a consultant, evaluator, trial consultant and expert witness in matters relating to child custody, trauma, estrangement, parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome. Would You Like to Sponsor a Basic, Advanced or Customized Training Program in Your Area? For all inquiries, please email drkathleenreayevents@shaw.ca Additionally, Dr. Reay will be offering online courses and webinars in 2012. To keep up-to-date on what�s happening, please feel free to subscribe to our free newsletter. Click on http://parentalalienationhelp.org/newsletter

EFFECTIVE CLINICAL ASSESSMENT & THERAPEUTIC INTERVENTIONS FOR ALIENATED CHILDREN & THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS
 9 a.m.
Quality Inn North Hill, Rotary Room, 7150 50th Ave Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
contact: Tara, drkathleenreayevents@shaw.ca
This is a two (2)full day advanced training program for mental health professionals. Presenter: Dr. Kathleen M. Reay, Ph.D., D.A.A.E.T.S., a Diplomate of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, an experienced licensed psychotherapist, researcher, public speaker, child custody evaluator and litigation-related consultant to parents, attorneys and the courts as an expert on parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome. Dr. Reay is also the author of Toxic Divorce: A Workbook for Alienated Parents. Who Should Attend? Mental health professionals in private practice or agency settings who have a minimum Master�s level degree in counselling, clinical psychology, social work, or a similar social science and must be licensed to practice in a state/province. There are few therapists that have had advanced training in how to handle these cases and the need is great. If you are a mental health professional and this is a specialty that interests you, you could make a powerful contribution to the distressed families that are affected by a serious dysfunction that far too many divorcing parents and their children experience. Upon successful completion, participants can optionally purchase a customized Certificate of Completion and have his/her name placed on the referral database at the International Institute for Parental Alienation Studies (IIPAS) for $20.00 CDN (includes tax and S&H). The IIPAS receives numerous inquiries for referrals to professionals who are trained in proper assessment, diagnosis and treatment for PA/PAS throughout the US and Canada. For more information on the agenda,learning objectives, travel info, fees, and how to register for this program, please click on http://parentalalienationhelp.org/events Would you and/or your organization like to sponsor Dr. Kathleen M. Reay to provide a workshop for alienated parents, mental health professionals or legal professionals? Please submit your inquiry to the above-noted email address.

  

2012 Parental Alienation Awareness Day Events

British Columbia, Canada             

Honoring Parental Alienation Awareness Day
Tuesday, April 24, 2012 9 a.m. - 1
Shaw TV Studios: Studio 4 Vancouver,, British Columbia, Canada
contact: Dr. Kathleen M. Reay, drkathleenreay@gmail.com
Dr. Kathleen M. Reay, a leading Canadian expert on PA/PAS will be a live guest on Studio 4 http://studio4.ca from 9 a.m. - 10 a.m. PDST. The host of this show is Fanny Kiefer, a highly respected Canadian journalist and talk show host who has interviewed the political elite, famous world-renowned authors, global influences, visionaries, artists, creators and unconventional characters. Dr. Reay will be providing a significant amount of up-to-date information on the differences between irrational alienation and rational alienation.

In Celebration of the 7th Annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 8:15 a.m.
City TV Studios - Breakfast TV Show Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
contact: Dr. Kathleen M. Reay, drkathleenreay@gmail.com
Dr. Kathleen M. Reay will be a live guest on a highly-rated live morning TV show called Breakfast TV to help spread public awareness about PA/PAS. Please see more info on http://www.btvancouver.ca
Evening Lecture & Q & A on Current Parental Alienation Issues
 6:00 p.m.
Simon Fraser University, Surrey Campus, Room 5360, Surrey (suburb of Vancouver), British Columbia, Canada
contact: Tara, drkathleenreayevents@shaw.ca
Join us for an evening with Parental Alienation Expert Dr. Kathleen Reay on Friday,May 11th, 2012. Doors open at 5:30 p.m. $25 prepaid in advance www.parentalalienationhelp.org/store or $35 at the door. This lecture followed by Q& A will provide knowledge, understanding, real-life examples & some powerful strategies to deal with the ramifications of PA or PAS. Alienated parents, loved ones, clinicians, lawyers & criminal justice personnel are invited to join. Dr. Kathleen M. Reay, a clinician, researcher, and author of the 341 page book called Toxic Divorce: a Workbook for Alienated Parents is a leading expert on PA/PAS. Dr. Reay was a keynote speaker at the 2011 Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome in Montreal, Quebec. She is also the Founder and Director of the International Institute for Parental Alienation Studies (IIPAS), an exceptional research institute and online learning program for alienated parents, extended family members, and professionals. See http:www.iipas.org for more information. She also receives many inquiries regarding her availability as a consultant, evaluator, trial consultant and expert witness in matters relating to child custody, trauma, estrangement, parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome. Would You Like to Sponsor a Basic, Advanced or Customized Training Program in Your Area? For all inquiries, please email drkathleenreayevents@shaw.ca Additionally, Dr. Reay will be offering online courses and webinars in 2012. To keep up-to-date on what�s happening, please feel free to subscribe to our free newsletter. Click on http://parentalalienationhelp.org/newsletter

Effective Clinical Assessment & Therapeutic Interventions for Alienated Children & Their Family Members
 Doors open
Simon Fraser University, Surrey Campus, Room #5360 Surrey (a suburb of Vancouver), British Columbia, Canada
contact: Tara, drkathleenreayevents@shaw.ca
2 Full Day Advanced Workshops for Mental Health Professionals: Presenter: Dr. Kathleen M. Reay, Ph.D., D.A.A.E.T.S., a Diplomate of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, an experienced licensed psychotherapist, researcher, public speaker, child custody evaluator and litigation-related consultant to parents, attorneys and the courts as an expert on parental alienation and parental alienation syndrome. Dr. Reay is also the author of Toxic Divorce: A Workbook for Alienated Parents. This is a 2 full day advanced course for mental health professionals who have a minimum Master�s level degree in counselling, clinical psychology, social work, or a similar social science and must be licensed to practice in a state/province. There are few therapists that have had advanced training in how to handle these cases and the need is great. If you are a mental health professional and this is a specialty that interests you, you could make a powerful contribution to the distressed families that are affected by a serious dysfunction that far too many divorcing parents and their children experience. Upon successful completion, participants can optionally purchase a customized Certificate of Completion and have his/her name placed on the referral database at the International Institute for Parental Alienation Studies (IIPAS) for $20.00 CDN (includes tax and S&H). The IIPAS receives numerous inquiries for referrals to professionals who are trained in proper assessment, diagnosis and treatment for PA/PAS throughout the US and Canada. Who Should Attend? For more information on the agenda,learning objectives, travel info, fees, and how to register for this program, please click on http://parentalalienationhelp.org/events Would you and/or your organization like to sponsor Dr. Kathleen M. Reay to provide a workshop for alienated parents, mental health professionals or legal professionals? Please submit your inquiry to Tara, Marketing Director at drkathleenreayev

2012 Parental Alienation Awareness Day Events

Ontario, Canada

2012 PAAD & BUbbles of Love Day Event
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11:45am
Nathan Phillip Square Toronto, Ontario, Canada
contact: Sarvy Emo, sarvy@paawareness.org
Join us for the 3rd annual Bubbles of Love Day event in honour of the 6th annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day, celebrated globally in over 22 countries!
Bubbles will be provided. Family fun event. Rain or shine.
CEPC - Barrie - Courthouse Public Rally - Bubbles of Love - "Flash Mob"
 9:30 AM
Barrie Courthouse - 114 Worsley Street Barrie, Ontario, Canada
contact: Paulette, completewellness@sympatico.ca
Given that seventy five to eighty percent of parental alienation and hostile aggressive parenting cases occur in the context of divorce or separation and our court system facilitates such family devastation; I am organizing a Barrie Courthouse Public Rally in the morning from 9:30 to 11:00 during which time we will be gathering signatures for a Government Bill for Equal\Shared Parenting, followed by a Kempentfelt playground "Flash Mob" @ 12 noon for "Bubbles of Love"; on this year�s 7th Annual, Parental Alienation Awareness Day - April 25th, 2012. The purpose of doing the courthouse rally is to demonstrate that we the people mean business and that our "Status Quo" has to go! The bubbles of love demonstrates just how fragile the love that a child has for both parents during divorce or separation is, and how if you attempt to contain that love, the bubble will break and so will that child's love for one of their parents which is why we should not contain the bubbles, nor should we contain a child's love for both mom and dad - and what could be more peaceful then blowing soap bubbles?!

Bubbles Of Love Day
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 10:00
130 King St London, Ont, Canada
contact: Jim Ellis, jrellis.post@gmail.com
Bubbles Of Love Day April 25 2012 Join us for our 2nd annual event taking place at the COVENT GARDEN MARKET at 130 King St London Ontario. This year should prove bigger and better than last years.So tell your friends and come on out and enjoy the fun.

2012 Parental Alienation Awareness Day Events

Northwest Territories, Canada

Paad bubbles of love
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 all day
City of Yellowknife City of Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Canada
contact: Mark Bogan, bogan98@yahoo.com
Will be handing out 100 copies of Proclamation from His Worship Mayor Gordon Van Tighem to Municipal, Territorial and Federal task force teams as well as several health professionals, lawyers, judges and politicians.

2012 Parental Alienation Awareness Day Events

Europe

PA Awareness Day Labyrint Three state point (NL-BE-D)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 10.00
Viergrenzenweg, 6291 BM Vaals Netherlands, Limburg,
contact: Hetty Adams, Elimineeer.PAS@gmail.com

Jan 4, 2012. info: elimineer.PAS@gmail.com
Een groep ouders (NL-BE) geconfronteerd met PA is aan het onderzoeken of het mogelijk is om op 25 april een bijeenkomst te organiseren bij het drielandenpunt te Vaals. Wie organiseert er mee?
Eine Gruppe von Eltern (NL-BE) PA ist zu untersuchen, ob es m�glich ist, ein Treffen bis 25 April im vorliegenden drei L�nder Punkt zu organisieren. Wer es organisiert?
A group of parents (NL-BE) facing PA is to investigate whether it is possible to organise a meeting to 25 april in the three countries point to Vaals. Who organized there?

Parliament Helsinki, , Finland
contact: , pekka.pere@helsinki.fi

The book Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak is given to members of the parliament.


Bubbles of Love-Event / Parental Alienation Awareness Day
Saturday, April 21, 2012 14:00
Hauptwache Frankfurt on the Main, Hessen, Gemany
contact: Thilo Muehlberger, shg@pas-rhein-main.de
Bubbles of Love-Campaign. We will be handing out bubbles and blowing blowing bubbles for 1 to 2 hours. Flyers and handouts about Parental Alienation. Everyone is welcome! Event is organized by support group Selbsthilfegruppe PAS Rhein/Main http://www.pas-rhein-main.de


Articles about PA and its negative effects

Whole world , , Poland
contact: , Parental Alienation Awareness Committee,�kpor@goog
We invite you to read articles about Parental Alienation and its negative effects for children, parents and society on our website: www.kpor.pl They are Polish written, but they can be easily translated into other languages, when you use Internet browser tools. Because of lack at primary PA conception and strong and effective propaganda attacks against PA conception and its author we do not recommend to promote activity against PA to do not damage effects of your efforts on Parental Alienation Awareness Day.


Research on Parental Alienation in Poland

Whole country, , Poland
contact: Maciej Wojew�dka, kpor@googlegroups.com
I invite you to read about my research on Parental Alienation and its negative effects in Poland on the website (Polish): https://sites.google.com/site/maciejwojewodka/home/alienacja-rodzicielska-w-polsce---przyklady-i-pytania-badania-wstepne My research have been begun under auspices of European Creativity and Innovation Year 2009 in Poland. European Creativity and Innovation Year was established by European Parliament according to application by European Commission.


Articles about PA and its negative effects

Whole world , , Poland
contact: Parental Alienation Awareness Committee, kpor@googlesgroup.com
We invite you to read articles about Parental Alienation and its negative effects for children, parents and society on our website: www.kpor.pl They are Polish written, but they can be easily translated into other languages, when you use Internet browser tools. Because of lack at primary PAS conception and strong and effective propaganda attacks against PAS conception and its author we do not recommend to promote activity against PAS to do not damage effects of your efforts on Parental Alienation Awareness Day.


Lan�amento de bal�es
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 15h
Lisbon Lisbon, , Portugal
contact: igualdadeparental@gmail.com, igualdadeparental@gmail.com

Bubbles of Love, Sweden
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11:30 AM
Domus entrance Kristianstad, , Sweden
contact: Hans-Inge Hansson, hans-inge@pappa-barn-kristianstad.se
For the third year Pappa-Barn Kristianstad will arrange a Bubbles of Love event in Kristianstad, Sweden. Bring the kids, family and friends and show that children's best interests must come first. Bubbles will be blown starting at noon to show that just like bubbles, LOVE cannot and should not be contained.

2012 Parental Alienation Awareness Day Events

USA

Parental Alienation Awareness Day/Bubbles of Love Day - Hill Country Galleria (Amphitheater)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11am
12700 Hill Country Blvd. Austin (Bee Caves), TX, USA
contact: Natasha Lessard-Alvarado, pasinaustin@gmail.com
Parental Alienation Awareness Day - Bubbles of Love in Austin on April 25th has their official location at Hill Country Galleria (Amphitheater) 12700 Hill Country Blvd. Bee Cave, TX 78738 http://www.facebook.com/pages/Parental-Alienation-Awareness-in-Austin/374069599277066?ref=tn_tnmn


Parental Alienation awareness rally.
Friday, January 27, 2012 11am
Pennsylvania State Capitol Building, N 3rd Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, USA
contact: Jesse A Baker, proepilot@gmail.com
Parental Alienation awareness rally. meet in the dome at 11am sharp.. Phone number for directions (717) 787-5532 Talk with state reps for support of April being designated as Parental Alienation month. Let�s help educate the law makers on the devastating effects that parental alienation has on our children. So come out and show your support for children suffering this mental and emotional abuse caused by parental alienation. PS� Let�s make 2012 a year of action not just talk�. Our children need us ��


Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11:00am
1221 E Southlake Blvd Southlake, Texas, USA
contact: Wendy Archer, warcher@paawareness.org
Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW 2011 was the biggest Parental Alienation Awareness Day/Bubbles of LOVE Day event in the 6 year history of the event. Ever anywhere in the WORLD!!! Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW featured 2 locations, more than 200 attendees, Dr. Richard Warshak, and had the support of 12 mayors and cities in DFW. 2012 will be even bigger and even more fun. Event starts at 11:00. Bubble blowing is at 12:00. Bubbles will be provided. Bubbles of LOVE Day DFW is family and pet friendly. Conveniently located in Central Park in the Shops of Southlake, all you have to do is show up and blow bubbles! Please contact Wendy Archer for media coverage, sponsorship opportunities and volunteer opportunities.


Annual Parental Alienation Awareness/ Bubbles of Love Day Event
Saturday, April 28, 2012 11am
Se 60th(crosstreet is Duke) in Brentwood Park. Portland, OR, USA
contact: Todd Maudlin, toddmaudlin@yahoo.com
2nd Annual Parental Alienation Awareness/ Bubbles of Love Day event Saturday April 28th 2012 @ Se 60th(crosstreet is Duke) in Brentwood Park. 11am-2:00 Come blow bubbles sharply at noon to spread love to kids around the world that are separated from their loving parent due to parental alienation. The bubble is a symbol of love and how it should take us higher and should not be contained. Free literature on pa, pa resources and info, free "kids need both parents" stickers, and lots of bubble blowing fun! Life size panda for the kids! Few snacks. Bring a picture of you and your child together last.


Bubbles of love campaign
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 12:00pm
3001 Knoxville Center Mall Knoxville, TN, USA
contact: Brenda Adkins, bgbenoit@yahoo.com
To bring awareness to the public and press!


Springfield Second Annual Bubbles Of Love Day
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11:30 am
2005 West Lawrence Avenue Springfield, Illinois, USA
contact: Ahna Gooch, ahna_1969@yahoo.com
This will be the second time we have had this event in Springfield. Planning a bigger event this year than last. The bubbles represent Love, how love takes us all higher, and how just like bubbles, love cannot and should not be contained. Please come out and help us Blow Bubbles to show the Children that is alright to love both parents.


Parental Alienation Awareness Day and End Child Abuse
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11 am
State House in Montgomery Montgomery, Alabama, USA
contact: , info@alfra.org
Parental Alienation awareness day. We're meeting at the Steps of the State House in Montgomery, Alabama at 11am sharp. Talk with state reps for support of April 25th being designated as Parental Alienation Awareness Day. Let�s help educate the law makers and general public on the devastating effects that parental alienation has on our children. We�re inviting all churches, organizations, school, daycares, businesses, neighborhoods in our cities and surround communities to �Blow soap bubbles representing LOVE on April 25th�.


Loganville, Georgia 1st Annual Bubbles of Love Day
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11:45am
Loganville Toddler Park - 4385 Pecan Street Loganville, Georgia, USA
contact: Hilary Crowe/Angie Kadow, georgiapaawareness@gmail.com
Georgians everywhere are invited to the 1st Annual Bubbles of Love Day in Loganville, Georgia! We will be blowing bubbles at the Loganville Toddler Park behind City Hall on Pecan Street in downtown Loganville, Georgia. Feel free to bring kids, friends, anybody that wants to support honoring alienated children everywhere in a fun, supportive way!


N.E. Wisconsin's Bubbles of Love Event
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11:30am
N1788 Lily of the Valley Dr Greenville, WI, USA
contact: Stacy Spaulding, sspaulding123@new.rr.com
Love & Laughter Will Come Together for N.E. Wisconsin's 1st Annual Bubbles of Love Event! We will be there starting at 11:30am with BUBBLES at NOON! Please come & share in this Very Special Event & Help Us Blow Bubbles of Love to Create Awareness about Parental Alienation! Education & Awareness = Prevention! Bubbles provided as we will only be using "green" bubble products!


Bubbles of Love
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 11am
Coeur D Alene City Park Coeur D Alene, Idaho, USA
contact: Monica Preciado, NWParentalAA@gmail.com


Central Valley Parental Alienation Awareness
Saturday, April 21, 2012 5 pm
5281 N. McCall fresno/clovis, ca, USA
contact: marylou, marylou.vv@gmail.com
a casual dinner with an information table/booth and victims of parental alienation will speak. approaching mayors in our city and surrounding cities for PAA proclamations.


Parental Alienation Awareness Day Candlelight Vigil
 6:00 PM-8:
South Steps State Capitol 1900 Kanawha Blvd East Charleston, WV, USA
contact: Kelly Rice, c4aj@aim.com
Sponsored by Center for Family and Justice Inc


Bubbles of Love Day!!!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 10:00 am
Balboa Park-Pepper Grove Park San Diego, California, USA
contact: Liza Alvarado, bubblesoflovedaysd@gmail.com
Mayor Jerry Sanders has proclaimed April 25, 2012 as Parental Alienation Awareness Day in San Diego! Please join me, and many others, in raising awareness of this form of emotional child abuse among families on April, 25th, 2012 @ noon in Pepper Grove Park, within Balboa Park, by blowing bubbles to represent love for the children through our Bubbles of Love Event! Just like bubbles, love should flow and float freely to the children, by BOTH parents. All children deserve to give and receive love by BOTH parents. All those involved with children and families; the family courts, lawyers, judges, social workers, mental health workers, health care workers, teachers, and day care workers, need to be aware of this ongoing problem affecting innocent children everyday. This is a family friendly and pet friendly event! Bubbles will be provided! We will be spreading awareness starting at 10 am and will be blowing bubbles at exactly 12 pm. Hope to see you there! Please contact me if you are interested in donating or volunteering for this event.


Parental Alienation Awareness/ Bubbles of Love Day Rally
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 12:00 PM
In Front of The Statehouse, 125 West State St. Trenton, NJ, USA
contact: www.pasanj.org, parentalalienationnj@gmail.com
Join Us as We Gather to Bring Attention To Parental Alienation. Be with us as we Recognize Disrupted Families. Come to Learn More About What You Can Do To Prevent or Stop Parental Alienation


Orlando Parental alienation awareness and bubbles of love day!
 1130 am
to be announced Orlando, Florida, USA
contact: Charles Hamilton, dakotaspappa@aol.com
We curently need people and a location! please contact me if you are in the area and are interested! Mayor Dyer sighned a Proclamation!! awesome for Orlando Thank you Mayor Dyer!


Bubbles of Love Carrollton, GA
Saturday, April 28, 2012 8am
Tanner Beach State Park Carrollton, GA, USA
contact: , mothertoanother@gmail.com
Bubbles of Love for the "lost" children of PA. Join us on Tanner Beach to blow bubbles and raise awareness of this under recognized form of child abuse and emotional assualt! We hope to see you there!
Bubbles of Love
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 NOON
Common Ground Park Lakeland, Florida, USA
contact: Danica Joan Fields, danica@paawareness.org
This is the first scheduled event for parental alienation awareness in the Central Florida area. We are asking you to participate wherever you are if you are unable to meet up at Common Ground Park. Contact us to gather enough bubbles and educational materials for your participants and spectators. At noon go to a public place and blow bubbles. Start a conversation with those around you about how important it is for children to have both parents in their lives


Bubbles of Love Roopville, GA
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 7:00 pm
Downtown Roopville, GA, USA
contact: Birthrights4Equality, birthrights4equality@yahoo.com
This is my family along with other alienated parents i know from our small town we r going to blow bubbles in the wind for our "lost" children! please join us!


Bubbles for love and lighting of candles
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 2 PM
29 North Charlottesville, VA, USA
contact: Melanie, acmqueens3@gmail.com
Bubbles for love. Each bubble is a child being alienated. Alienation is abuse on our children. At dusk we will light a candle for the children we know that are being abused by alienation. Our goal is to also educate as many people as we can.


Bubbles of Love
Saturday, April 28, 2012 11:00
Ora Mae Horn Park Marana, Arizona, USA
contact: Saralee Burkett, saraleeburkett@yahoo.com


bubbles of love day / parental alienation awareness day
 10:00 am
The Auburn Eagles 705 M St SE Auburn, Wa, USA
contact: Heather Hartzell, ladyofthelandfill@yahoo.com
The Bubble man will be performong from 10:30 to 11:30. we will be handing out bubbles and blowing bubbles at noon for 10 minutes. Everyone is welcome


The Toby Center presents Parental Alienation Awareness Day
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 12pm
1100 S. Federal Highway, Suite 3 Boynton Beach, FL, USA
contact: Samira Fouladi, sfouladi88@gmail.com
On Wednesday April 25th, The Toby Center in conjunction with the Chamber of Commerce for Palm Beach County, will hold the official ribbon cutting ceremony as well as acknowledge the 7th annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day. The festivities will take place at The Toby Center Offices from 12-2pm and admission is free and open to the public. Food and refreshments will be provided.

Parental Alienation Awareness Rally/ Bubbles of Love Day
Wednesday, April 25, 2012 12:00pm
125 West State Street, in front of the Statehouse Trenton, NJ, USA
contact: Anna Tivade, parentalalienationnj@gmail.com
WHO: YOU! We can't make this without YOU! WHAT: Rally for International Parental Alienation Awareness Day/ Bubbles of Love Day WHEN: Wednesday, April 25, 2012, 12:00pm-2:00pm WHERE: In front of the Statehouse, 125 West State Street, Trenton, NJ WHY: To increase Parental Alienation Awareness to the general public, the media, and our legislators. To dedicate this day for every individual that has been hurt by Parental Alienation. ***Parental Alienation Support & Advocacy NJ, ***WWW.PASANJ.ORG


A Free Workshop With Dr. Amy Baker
Thursday, April 26, 2012 7:00 PM
111 West 2nd Street Moorestown, NJ, USA
contact: Moorestown Library,

WHAT HAPPENS TO CHILDREN WHEN ONE PARENT TURNS THEM AGAINST THE OTHER? A FREE WORKSHOP FOR: PARENTS, GRANDPARENTS, EDUCATORS, GUIDANCE COUNSELORS, HEALTH PROFESSIONALS, PSYCHOLOGISTS, THERAPISTS, SOCIAL WORKERS, LEGISLATORS, LAWYERS, AND JUDGES The Moorestown Library presents a FREE workshop by one of the foremost authorities on parental alienation syndrome (PAS), a potentially devastating phenomenon that you don��t want to affect your children. Participants in this workshop will: �� Learn the 8 signs and symptoms of PAS �� Learn about the strategies that one parent may use to turn the children against the other parent �V some of the same strategies used by cult leaders! �� Discover more than 10 triggers that can lead an adult to realize that he or she was a child victim of alienation by a parent �� Understand why it is important for everyone to learn about this problem so that we can prevent its progression and protect the parent-child bond �� Hear an expert dispel myths about PAS �V such as that it only happens to fathers and it only occurs in divorces Please join Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, Director of Research at the New York Foundling Fontana Center for Child Protection, and a developmental psychologist with a Ph.D. from Columbia University, as she speaks on this important topic. Dr. Baker has conducted rigorous parent-child research for nearly 20 years, published numerous journal articles, and helped hundreds. Dr. Baker is the author of ADULT CHILDREN OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME: BREAKING THE TIES THAT BIND (W.W. Norton & Co., 2007) and the children��s book entitled, I DON��T WANT TO CHOOSE. She has been featured on TV and radio and is dedicated to helping to educate and empower people to address this difficult issue. For more information, visit Dr. Baker��s website at www.amyjlbaker.com. WORKSHOP DATE: Thursday, April 26, 2012 TIME: 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. LOCATION: Moorestown Library 11

If I were to teach a class....

One thing I would like to do is to teach a class or speak about parental alienation, using my experience and experiences of others. I would love to be able to speak with attorneys, mediator and judges about this, so they could better understand. I would love to have the laws changed so that every high conflict custody case would have to go through some type of parental alienation education class. This so called class would address symptoms, behaviors, solutions and support. While this is a thought still in process, here are some ideas off the top of my head.

I am so glad you decided to listen to me today. While my story is not uncommon in high conflict divorce/custody cases, it does happen more often than not. Although I cannot state a percentage of custody cases that result in parental alienation, I believe the number has risen over the years either by knowledge and the acceptance that it does occur, or by the availability of social medias and the Internet searches.

Divorce and custody cases have occurred for decades and in this time there has been an increase in the number of difficult cases. The case where you have a parent unwilling to budge on any issue and who is very unreasonable in their feelings toward the other parent with the contact/visitation schedule with the other parent has has also increased.  Perhaps this is the first time you have heard about abuse, especially sexual abuse. Searching your local police department records does not show any entries of domestic violence or abuse to the children. Your client may be adamant that abuse happened and has occurred for years, but they were too scared for reasons explained why there are no records of abuse. A bit of research on your part about parental alienation will demonstrate an increase of allegations of abuse just prior to or after the divorce petition.  You must not immediately dismiss an allegation as false because the parents are in the midst of a divorce but must also guard against presuming guilt and aligning yourself with the reporting parent's agenda. 

I believe that extensive interviews with both parents and children by both attorneys, mediators, judges and psychologists  must be taken into account without bias. You will find the alienating parent to be unwilling to budge on any of their claims and requests concerning the children. The alienating parent may even become more rigid and unreasonable. The alienating parent may divert attention off themselves by placing blame upon the other parent, the children or reference to non exist court orders or nonexistent ongoing investigations. The psychologist may note the alienating parent exhibits narcissistic personality traits as well as anti social behaviors.  The target parent my often be passive, overly accommodating, or emotionally constricted. In many cases of parent alienation, the passive partner not only tolerates criticism and accusation, but engages in self-questioning. One confusing aspect of the dynamics of parent alienation cases is that the alienated parent sometimes has more obvious symptoms of psychological distress, such as depression or anxiety, than the alienating parent. When psychological health is defined as the absence of internal distress or conflict, this factor makes it appear that the alienating parent is the healthier parent. However, this appearance is misleading.

Everyone, including the attorneys, mediators, judges, psychologists and parents must be in concert about therapy or ongoing education for the benefit of the children.  These were two individuals  who married that met as two people seeking a relationship with another adult. Hopes and dreams may have been forfeited, but one fact remains, they both loved and cared for the child/children. This fact gets lost in all the bickering, blaming and court proceedings. They once were adults, but act now as children with a playground temper tantrum. It is as if there was a contest with the children as the grand prize. 

If these messages and teachings could be taught and practiced, I think the prevalence of alienation could decrease. 

1) Parents, at one time you cared and loved each other enough that you brought a life into this world.  This gift is from both of you. Your children are the innocent party, only wanting love, security and praise from both of you. Your children seek acceptance from both of you and want to love you both without conflict.

2) The divorce is between the adults. Even though your children may be older and "appear" grown, they do NOT want to hear about this. They wish it would not be happening and are coping the best they can without your input of choosing sides. They do NOT want to pick one parent over the other. If your children are younger, please so not destroy them more by engaging them into an adult issue. They are not equipped mentally and emotionally. 

3) Parents keep your derogatory opinions about the other parent away from ANY source that can be leaked back to your children. Keep your correspondence from your attorney and yourself private and hidden from your children. Keep your files and letters, notes,  blog writings and any social media updates (if you are that ignorant) that are derogatory to the other parent to yourself and do not share with your children or with those that can let them read them. 

4) Practice gratitude towards the other parent no matter how small in front of your children. Remember without this other person, you would not have the child. You have to be grateful for that fact...don't you? 

5) Do not reinforce negative comments made by your children. Your child may be parroting your behaviors. If TRUE abuse is taking place, leave it up to the professionals to investigate. You most likely are not in the profession that investigates this, and if you are you know you must remain distant. Instead of taking the negative comments made by your child teach them problem solving instead. ( I have seen parents complain that the other parent does not see the child and further questioning about visitation results in an impossible visitation schedule for the non custodial parent, based on the custodial parents demands) So instead when your child complains that the other parent did not do this or that, look at yourself and see if you have made this happen. Instead of saying the other parent does not care, tell your child the other parent is trying real hard. Giving a little credit is not going to kill you. 

6) If you keep telling your children directly or indirectly via body language and innuendos that the other parent is  evil, bad, a poor parent, stupid and other derogatory terms, your child at some point will connect the dots that they are that way as well. 

7) Most important...at some point and I do not know when, your children are going to seek answers. You, as an alienating parent, cannot stay the controlling factor in your children's lives forever. Do not continue a cycle of abuse or start one. You are the adult. You got married, had children, the marriage did not work out so do something productive.  Get therapy for the failure of the marriage, get a hobby, do things you wanted, start your bucket list...but leave the children out of this fight.

  

As for how my experience figures into this, I also was facing a failed marriage. . My husband and I had one child. Problems arose shortly after the birth of our son. I suggested counseling which he refused. When it became apparent to him that divorce was happening, he suddenly wanted counseling and appealed to my maternal senses of having another child. While I longed for another child, I could not raise another child in the environment that was present then. As for the his suggested counseling, I refused as I felt it was a ploy by him. I do not know if he would have carried out a successful counseling term or not. We did try other ways of reconciling our marriage though. Church and friends played a big part of this, although must report was to no avail. While the original divorce-custody issues were not easy, I felt they worked somewhat. Our son was having contact with his dad, although in reality it was in name only. He spent time at dad's home, but was never cared for  by him. In my usual defense, his dad worked hard and was away from the home a lot due to his job. As the years passed and usual arguments over care, school, medical concern of son escalated...I would find myself in a battle that I never imagined or could conceive. 

I became a tyrant about education according the courts and my ex. Insisting our son get a solid and excellent education would work against me. I did not like the public school system and had him in private schools, even while his dad and I were married and thought he agreed on this. His dad supported this idea until he decided to use it against me. My working overtime, weekends and odd shifts for the extra income was fine when we were married, but became a major issue when he fought for custody. While we were married, having a nanny was acceptable but was a major issue when we became divorced. Attending church was fine while we were married, but again became an issue used against me in the custody issue. Everything I thought we stood for and thought was important became major roadblocks. While we sat in the mediators office, I felt as I was chastised for wanting our son to attend a good school, to strive for college and to attend church. 

In time I realized I could either keep fighting or as the judge stated and I think is so WRONG, that if I do not let the child go,the child will run away. So I let my son go live with his dad, realizing that in time I may never see him again, or to attempt to have contact with hopes that in time our son will see I did the best I could. I did what I could, traveling hundreds of miles to  see  him and to be denied access. The financial costs and physical,mental and emotional pain were noting compared to what I assumed were the finality of never having contact again. 

As time passed, my hatefulness and contempt of how my husband was making me feel towards his actions, turned to sorrowfulness. I never wanted our child to hate his dad, but this seemed to be the goal of his dad. I had to learn to take my adult feeling of resentment and turn it into a positive. I also had to learn how to project this upon our son who would have nothing to do with me. 

As time passed some circumstances would present themselves.  Our son had a major medical emergency and I was called by a friend after his dad would not answer the phone. After driving about 3+ hours of highway speed and arriving at the hospital and being able to see our son, the next question without hesitation was has his dad been notified to those in the room. I placed a call, to only reach his voice mail and left a message. This is when I realized, the child matters, not you or I.

Parental alienation is not about you, me, our ex... it is about the children and how we handle it to hopefully stop the cycle of abuse. 
Please stop the abuse of parental alienation. 

some great resources

I have talked about reading and researching about parental alienation and I have forgotten to include some links to some resources that I have used in my journey.

Here are a couple of books that I have read and think you may find helpful as well.

My journey,,without an instruction manual

I have been somewhat absent in my posting about parental alienation for some time. I have been working on my relationship with my son. I am sure most that follow this blog have understood that he has come back into my life. I am more than ecstatic about this.

While I feel a sense of responsibility to post about parental alienation, I have had to take time to rebuild a relationship. I found this requires some patience and time; it also requires the ability to accept things one cannot change or have answers to.

When I think back to the beginning of what I would learn about parental alienation, I was in despair. How could this be happening to me, what did I do and how dare my ex do this to our child? It is not about the loving parent and the relationship of a child. It is about a parent who cannot fathom losing a battle, a parent who cannot fathom their child loving this other parent who "hurt" them. It is about immaturity and selfishness of a parent, who encourages a child to side with them.

I did all the court battles, followed my attorney's advice sometimes, but mainly I read, researched and never gave up and remained consistent in my love for my son. I did not attempt to "buy' his love and I never promised something I could not deliver. I was left in massive debt, was without utilities many,many times, was hungry, struggled to make ends meet and alienated friends. My goal was to have my son back and nothing would stop me.

When my son turned 18, this was the worst day of my life. I cried and was inconsolable. He had stated not to me, but to a friend of his who confided in me, that when he turned 18 he would never have anything to do with me again. I could have passed this off as a smack talk, but he was like me and he was determined. He held true to his turning 18 statement. He was an adult and did not have to do anything per the courts anymore, as his dad told him. My son was happy that he was in control now I think. I was the enemy, the evil woman who birthed him, but I was not a mother. He was in control. They won the fight.

I continued my fight. I attempted contact, maintaining my love for him and desire to work things out. My son maintained his "turning 18" mantra.

Somehow, call it divine intervention, things started to change. It seems his dad was not there when our son needed him most nor did not seem to care about his pressing problem at the time and our son needed a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. My phone rang and on the other end was our son wanting someone to talk to who would just undersand and not say some cliche saying and tell him to get over it. This was the start of what would become a new relationship.

In the years that have passed, I am still working on that relationship and still not promising anything I can not deliver. I am still there when a shoulder is needed. I am trying to learn to a balance of caring without being obtrusive and hoping I do not appear aloof.

One of the most difficult things to accept is the fact that I may never get answers as to why this happened, why my son acted in a way he did and why he lied in court. Perhaps he was smarter than both myself and my ex. He wanted to love both parents and he knew which one he could hurt and which one he had to cater to.

So in closing, if you are alienating your children, please stop. You are not hurting your ex spouse, you are hurting your children. If your child continues to "side" with you, someday you may find yourself angry with your child that they have decided to seek out the other parent. If you are an alienated parent, keep showing your love and let your child come back to you. Do realize you may never have answers.

words for thought

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”

I am sure my son's father and I would disagree on this quote. While we both may try to educate our son on experiences based on our own, one would have stated a very slanted biased view.

I think the important part of this quote is no matter what we try to teach our children, actions always speak louder than words.

If you are an alienated parent or an alienating parent, remember that your children will imitate you based more on your unspoken words and actions.

another quote of the day

I posted this on the facebook page,

“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.”

This quote really hit home for me, but I was unsure how others would relate to it. I believe that in cases of parental alienation, the aleinator - wheter the custodial or non custodial parent, utilizes several tactics to persuade the child to turn against the other parent. The easiest way seems to cater to the child's immaturity, innocence and the "gimmes". Funny thing is these are also ways abductors use lures to abduct children.

I love animals and pets as does my son. His dad "tolerated" our one pet that we had, but did not like it. After he left and remarried, they got a pet. It was a surprise for our son. Then came another pet. This was the first time my ex realized he could persuade our son to spend more time with him, by having pets. I preferred to be the responsible pet owner by not having more animals than I could actually care for physically and financially . Then my son would start asking for things, knowing I could not afford them, but his dad could buy them. I did not buy into the buying game, as I could not afford these expensive items. I also was not willing to "buy" my son's love. He either loved me for the things I could provide that money could not buy, or he didn't. Pretty much I was willing to lose this battle, as my ex made significantly more than I did. I could not compete with him on this level.

As the years have come and gone and I have had the wonderful opportunity to reunite with my son, this makes so much sense. He does not remember the race track and cars he wanted so bad for Christmas that I saved and scrimped for, but he remembers moments that he once stated he did not remember in court. There are other events that he recalls, that at one time he loathed or stated never happened.

As children mature, as well as we as adults mature, we tend to start to recall moments in time that money could never buy. Perhaps it is time spent with a grandparent who has since passed or a parent who has passed. Memories that money can not buy. I believe that at one time your children will reflect back to a special time and wish they could have that back. Those are the things that money cannot buy, but it is the feeling that you loved and cherished them.

Never give up on the love you have for your children. Let them know you love them, be consistent in that as well. Keep records, a diary, a private blog that you can print documents from and keep in a file they will find later. Send letters, if they are returned, keep them unopened in a file.

Ask yourself this...what do you recall most from your own childhood. Was it the gifts or a memory that money could not buy?

Burnt Toast

I knew I had not posted in some time, but did not realize how long it has been since I posted on this blog. Over the year I have been reestablishing a relationship with my son and reflecting upon myself and thoughts. Sorry for the lapse in publishing. To be beneficial to my followers and to others, I needed this time.

What does burnt toast have to do with parental alienation? Well burnt toast does not, but hopefully the analogy will cause one to reflect. I found this quote and realized it makes sense.
"If you get upset when the toast burns, what are you going to do when your house burns down?"

My ex, did everything in his power to anger me and he was successful many times. This in turn started feelings of anger towards my son, due to his reactions of what his dad was doing. My son was reacting the way his dad wanted and my response gave them validation to continue their campaign of degradation. When I was able to put into perspective of what was important to me, I was finally able to work on reestablishing a relationship.

So back to the burnt toast. I hate it when I am craving some toast and jam and I go through the steps to prepare this and fail to pay attention and burn my toast. So I throw away the burnt toast and start over. If I am set on the perfect piece of toast and do not achieve that, I may end up going through a whole loaf of bread. The same applies to achieving a successful outcome to parental alienation.

It won't be perfect. But why waste your time and anger over trying to achieve the perfect piece of toast? Before you know it, you could go through your whole loaf of bread seeking perfection and in the meantime burn down your house losing all the precious memories.

Getting your children back, takes alot of patience and tolerance. Things have changed and it will never be the same. Having your children return means that you can start new and build a new relationship, while allowing them to remember the good times in the past in their own time.

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year and strength to endure the tribulations of parental alienation.

Quotes of the day...parenting

Children desperately need to know - and to hear in ways they understand and remember - that they're loved and valued by mom and dad.
Paul Smally

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
Angela Schwindt

Let parents bequeath to their children not riches, but the spirit of reverence.
Plato

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.
Brian Tracy

The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.
Orlando A. Battista

Children are not our property, and they are not ours to control any more that we were our parents' property or theirs to control.
Richard Bach

Parents must get across the idea that "I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior."
Amy Vanderbilt

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
Michael Levine

While I feel that all these quotes are very moving, the last three really strike a chord if you are a target parent. Unfortunately in some custody cases, parental alienation becomes very apparent. Quite often one parent, often the alienator, uses the children as property that is to be divided in a settlement. A caring parent would always have the child's best interest at hand. That can be difficult especially when one spouse is very mean. You may be divorcing your spouse, but the children did not ask for this. They also are very scared of their life being disrupted and one parent purposely denying their children access to the other parent is extremely harsh. If you are an alienating parent the greatest disservice you can do for your children is to talk badly about the other parent, convince them to hate the other parent, encourage them to hate them, lie to them and to restrict access to the other parent. Those actions are not one of a parent.

I remember growing up and experiencing some actions of alienation by my mother. Although, I did not know the term alienation or even tied it to alienation until recently. There was a time in my childhood that my mother was contemplating divorce, I think. I got to hear all kinds of bad behaviors that my dad did to her and to me, although I do not remember any of these actions or behaviors. What I do remember is being angry with my mom for trying to get me to hate my dad. While my parents did not divorce, I do remember this vividly.

My advice for the day to any alienating parents out there. You can continue to be an alienator and while you may win the immediate battle, you will end up losing in the end. Your children one day will look back, question actions, seek out answers and you may not like what returns to you. If you are a target parent, continue to love your children, hide the hurt from the painful words and never give up.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Quotes of the day

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. — Thomas della Peruta

"Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”----- Coretta Scott King

These two quotes surely give you something to think about. Hate is such a strong word that evokes emotion. What is hate? Is it the statements of "I hate peas and will not eat them", is it "I hate not having enough money and wish I had a job that paid better"? I think those two statements are more of annoyances that anything else. If I hated peas so much and saw that they were served at a meal, I would make a scene. If I hated not having enough money, I would quit my job. Both of those options are extremes, so therefore I have to say my hatred of peas and not enough money are annoyances and something I can live with. I do nothing to spread my hate of these two things. I do not go on a pea hating campaign and I do not trash my job.

We often use the term "hate" loosely. From hating peas or other vegetables, hating curfews placed upon us as teens by parents, to hating rules that govern us at work, we have at one time or another professed our hatred. In actuality, these scenarios more accurately describe a strong aversion or dislike of the situation or vegetable at hand.

One of the things that is common about the perceived hatred of people, food, and things is fear. We don't know about a different culture or race or we have not tried a food that looks different, so there is a fear of the unknown and hence the word "hate" enters. It is not hate, it is a fear of the unknown.

But when a child states they hate their parent, what is it? Is it real hatred because a teen is grounded because they disobeyed? Is it real hate when a young child says "I hate you" because they did not get their way? I do not believe so. I think those are words spoken by a child because they know it hurts you so much, but deep down they still love you.

When a child in a divorce situation whom you have always had a positive relationship with suddenly professes their hatred for you, not only by words but by actions, this is hatred. How could a child hate the other parent so much? If you are not guilty of abuse, physical, sexual or emotional, then where does this hatred arise from. Children are not born to hate, but the seeds of hatred are sown by the parents. Be it to hate another race, religion, or person. In cases of parental alienation a child may be manipulated by a parent who wants to punish the other, or for custody. They are emotionally blackmailed by the alienator. Children are abused so that a partner can gain an advantage. These tactics fit a description of abuse.

Children are not born to hate, they are taught it. Any parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child. Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!