You may be an alienating parent if.....
You refuse to allow the other parent access to school records.
You refuse to allow the other parent to have copies of school pictures.
You refuse to tell the other parent about school plays, sports or clubs that the child has a program in, knowing the other parent would like to attend.
You refuse to tell the other parent about health/medical concerns of the child.
You call others several times when the child is injured and several hours later call the other parent if the child is injured only because it would be obvious that the child has been injured.
You present yourself and new spouse as the natural parents or the only parents the child has.
You refuse to follow court orders pertaining to visitation.
You refuse to allow visitation with the non residential parent.
You have plans for the child when it is visitation time with the non residential parent so the child feels torn.
You ask the child to spy on your ex spouse.
You question everything that the child did when it was parenting time with the non residential parent in hopes that you can use this against the other parent.
You twist and turn natural anger that a child may have and encourage the child to have more anger towards the non residential parent.
You talk badly about the non residential parent so the child can hear.
You encourage others to support your idea that the non residential parent is "bad" and have them talk poorly to the child about the other parent as well.
You call, email, fax or text message the child several times during a weekend visitation with the non residential parent.
You belittle everything the non residential parent does so the child can hear it.
You bring food to the other parents home so the child can eat, when there is no financial obligation to do so or reason to do so.
You fabricate stories of abuse; physical, emotional or sexual.
You take the child to several doctors to be examined and then tell your story that the other parent abuses them and then get angry when the doctors will not call in social services.
You email teachers telling them the other parent abuses the child.
You tell the child about court dates and expect the child to attend and to lie on your behalf.
You do not punish the child if the child lies, especially if it is about the non residential parent.
You ask the child to gather up their belongings left at the non residential parents home and to bring them back.
You refuse to bring the child with the new shoes on or new outfit on because you bought the new shoes or outfit.
You......
Of course there is "always" a reason for this behavior in the mind of the alienator.
Whomever thinks that parental alienation is junk science or does not exist, has obviously never had to experience this. If we can accept that propaganda and indoctrination works on adults, how can one say that a child cannot be brainwashed?
Parental Alienation is child abuse. Stop the abuse.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Alienated children as victims of a psychopathic parent
Whew, what a title!
I have been thinking a lot as to why a so called parent could encourage a child to disrespect a parent, to have ambivalent feelings and to lie about the other parent. This campaign can even evolve so the child eventually wants nothing to do with the other parent. I keep asking myself, who could do this. Unfortunately the answer is the other parent.
This does not have to happen and most certainly should not be happening, but it does over and over again. This happens usually in high conflict divorce cases involving the custody of the minor children. The children should be having the benefit of a relationship with both parents. In cases where parental alienation is present, the children do not have that healthy relationship with both parents and usually the parent who is the unhealthy parent ends up controlling the minds of the children. This is a sad, but real statistic.
One would deduce that the controlling parent or alienating parent is not normal. I also question what defines normal. Everyone has their own little quirks, beliefs and idiosyncrasies, but does that make one a bad parent. It does to the alienating parent and they will use anything and everything they can to find fault with the target parent. The alienating parent does everything in their power to undermine the relationship the children have with the other parent. Children are suggestible and can eventually succumb to the relentless brainwashing from the alienating parent towards the target parent. The alienating parent exhibits bulling behavior and I believe that alienating parents are takers not givers in any relationship and if they give something it comes with strings attached. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk.
Children can become angry with a parent as it is just part of growing up. The alienating parent seizes this as an opportunity to escalate the problem into something greater than it is. The alienating parent is always right, never wrong and will never admit any fault to any problem. It is the belief that someone else caused their actions. They make up stories which are a lie, but tell them so convincingly that many believe it as truth. They also project onto others lies as well. If they are abusing the child, they will convince others that it is the target parent who is abusing the child. These lies and circles of so called explanations can and do convince others that they are right.
So where does the word psychopath fit into my entry today? These are some recognized characteristics of psychopathic personality and behavior.
glibness/superficial charm
grandiose sense of self worth
need for stimulation/prone to boredom
pathological lying
conning/manipulative
lack of remorse or guilt
shallow emotional response
callous/lack of empathy
irresponsibility
failure to accept responsibility for their own actions
many short term relationships
Well that describes my ex quite a bit. He is charming, charismatic, manipulative, and the life of a party. He deserves more than what he has and has done things in the past to achieve this although not legally. He of course was not caught due to his manipulative ways and lies told. He is always right and of course these problems were due to actions of someone else. He has several marriages now with several extramarital affairs as well. Of course these affairs were the result of whatever current wife he had and the problems she created. Not one of his divorces are because of his actions. He has financial problems from time to time, but as usual those are not from his actions but from someone else. I think many can understand my point.
Alienating parents will profess that they have the best interests of the child at hand, but they are incapable of acting in the best interests of the child. It really takes a very disturbed and obsessed individual to harm a child by brainwashing them and to remove a loving parent from the child's life.
Parental alienation is child abuse. Stop the abuse.
I have been thinking a lot as to why a so called parent could encourage a child to disrespect a parent, to have ambivalent feelings and to lie about the other parent. This campaign can even evolve so the child eventually wants nothing to do with the other parent. I keep asking myself, who could do this. Unfortunately the answer is the other parent.
This does not have to happen and most certainly should not be happening, but it does over and over again. This happens usually in high conflict divorce cases involving the custody of the minor children. The children should be having the benefit of a relationship with both parents. In cases where parental alienation is present, the children do not have that healthy relationship with both parents and usually the parent who is the unhealthy parent ends up controlling the minds of the children. This is a sad, but real statistic.
One would deduce that the controlling parent or alienating parent is not normal. I also question what defines normal. Everyone has their own little quirks, beliefs and idiosyncrasies, but does that make one a bad parent. It does to the alienating parent and they will use anything and everything they can to find fault with the target parent. The alienating parent does everything in their power to undermine the relationship the children have with the other parent. Children are suggestible and can eventually succumb to the relentless brainwashing from the alienating parent towards the target parent. The alienating parent exhibits bulling behavior and I believe that alienating parents are takers not givers in any relationship and if they give something it comes with strings attached. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk.
Children can become angry with a parent as it is just part of growing up. The alienating parent seizes this as an opportunity to escalate the problem into something greater than it is. The alienating parent is always right, never wrong and will never admit any fault to any problem. It is the belief that someone else caused their actions. They make up stories which are a lie, but tell them so convincingly that many believe it as truth. They also project onto others lies as well. If they are abusing the child, they will convince others that it is the target parent who is abusing the child. These lies and circles of so called explanations can and do convince others that they are right.
So where does the word psychopath fit into my entry today? These are some recognized characteristics of psychopathic personality and behavior.
glibness/superficial charm
grandiose sense of self worth
need for stimulation/prone to boredom
pathological lying
conning/manipulative
lack of remorse or guilt
shallow emotional response
callous/lack of empathy
irresponsibility
failure to accept responsibility for their own actions
many short term relationships
Well that describes my ex quite a bit. He is charming, charismatic, manipulative, and the life of a party. He deserves more than what he has and has done things in the past to achieve this although not legally. He of course was not caught due to his manipulative ways and lies told. He is always right and of course these problems were due to actions of someone else. He has several marriages now with several extramarital affairs as well. Of course these affairs were the result of whatever current wife he had and the problems she created. Not one of his divorces are because of his actions. He has financial problems from time to time, but as usual those are not from his actions but from someone else. I think many can understand my point.
Alienating parents will profess that they have the best interests of the child at hand, but they are incapable of acting in the best interests of the child. It really takes a very disturbed and obsessed individual to harm a child by brainwashing them and to remove a loving parent from the child's life.
Parental alienation is child abuse. Stop the abuse.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Parental alienation is emotional abuse and child abuse!
Today I am rather irritated with things. I have many thoughts and ideas racing through my mind about parental alienation as well. So if I sound terse, keep this in mind., although my writings today may be long.
I have been asked, told and heard statements such as: When are you going to let this go? I would have given up a long time ago, When are you going to stop and think about what this is doing to you?, Is it worth it?, Why don't you cut your losses?, Don't all kids go through a stage where they don't like a parent?, They eventually will come around give it time., It is just a phase things will work out.
Those are easier said than done for a parent who has no clue what parental alienation is and does to everyone involved. If you were having terrible chest pains and thought you were having a heart attack, would you sit back and wait it out? If you were bleeding profusely would you wait until it stopped? Of course not, you would seek help to fix those problems. Unfortunately when there is parental alienation happening, the only one attempting to find help to fix the problem is the target parent. The courts and Judges do not recognize let alone understand parental alienation and parental alienation isn't even mentioned in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Talk about fighting an uphill battle!
So I state that parental alienation is child abuse. It is emotional abuse. But why take my word or the words of thousands of other parents that are experiencing or have experienced this? So today is let me help educate and hope that one day this terrible tragedy will be recognized. So I googled several search terms and came up with this one where my inquiry was "CPS definition's of emotional abuse."
Child Protective Services (CPS) is the name of a governmental agency in many states of the United States that responds to reports of child abuse or neglect. Some states use other names, often attempting to reflect more family-centered (as opposed to child-centered) practices, such as "Department of Children & Family Services" (DCFS). CPS is also known by the name of "Department of Social Services" (DSS) or simply "Social Services."
Definitions: Each state must also have statutes that provide more detailed definitions of what child maltreatment means, for instance, defining terms such as:
abuse, which might include:
physical abuse
sexual abuse
emotional abuse (not recognized by all states) Hmmm This is interesting!
The above from : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Protective_Services
So I searched some more about emotional abuse and found this website: http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm
This is what I found interesting;
What is Emotional Abuse?
Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.
Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.
Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.
This is what alienating parents do, they control by brainwashing, fear, intimidation and any other methods they find that "works". Why? Well I have my own theories on that one, but would have to say for the thousands of parents out there that are experiencing this, alienating the affection of a child is the ultimate revenge. The thought they can say, see I won. They did not win, no one did, but there is a child that has lost a lot.
I will say this again and again, until parental alienation is recognized as child abuse. Parental alienation is child abuse, stop the abuse.
I have been asked, told and heard statements such as: When are you going to let this go? I would have given up a long time ago, When are you going to stop and think about what this is doing to you?, Is it worth it?, Why don't you cut your losses?, Don't all kids go through a stage where they don't like a parent?, They eventually will come around give it time., It is just a phase things will work out.
BULL CRAP I say. I am sick of hearing these so called excuses, reasoning. or justifications. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!! Parental alienation is abuse.
Those are easier said than done for a parent who has no clue what parental alienation is and does to everyone involved. If you were having terrible chest pains and thought you were having a heart attack, would you sit back and wait it out? If you were bleeding profusely would you wait until it stopped? Of course not, you would seek help to fix those problems. Unfortunately when there is parental alienation happening, the only one attempting to find help to fix the problem is the target parent. The courts and Judges do not recognize let alone understand parental alienation and parental alienation isn't even mentioned in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Talk about fighting an uphill battle!
So I state that parental alienation is child abuse. It is emotional abuse. But why take my word or the words of thousands of other parents that are experiencing or have experienced this? So today is let me help educate and hope that one day this terrible tragedy will be recognized. So I googled several search terms and came up with this one where my inquiry was "CPS definition's of emotional abuse."
Child Protective Services (CPS) is the name of a governmental agency in many states of the United States that responds to reports of child abuse or neglect. Some states use other names, often attempting to reflect more family-centered (as opposed to child-centered) practices, such as "Department of Children & Family Services" (DCFS). CPS is also known by the name of "Department of Social Services" (DSS) or simply "Social Services."
Definitions: Each state must also have statutes that provide more detailed definitions of what child maltreatment means, for instance, defining terms such as:
abuse, which might include:
physical abuse
sexual abuse
emotional abuse (not recognized by all states) Hmmm This is interesting!
The above from : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Protective_Services
So I searched some more about emotional abuse and found this website: http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm
This is what I found interesting;
What is Emotional Abuse?
Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.
Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim's self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.
Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.
This is what alienating parents do, they control by brainwashing, fear, intimidation and any other methods they find that "works". Why? Well I have my own theories on that one, but would have to say for the thousands of parents out there that are experiencing this, alienating the affection of a child is the ultimate revenge. The thought they can say, see I won. They did not win, no one did, but there is a child that has lost a lot.
I will say this again and again, until parental alienation is recognized as child abuse. Parental alienation is child abuse, stop the abuse.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Parental Alienation video
This is a video about parental alienation. Children should not have to pick one parent over the other. It is not an either or situation. Parents made this child together and even though they may not live in the same house, they should have the best interests of the child at heart and that is to have a healthy, loving and caring relationship with both parents. Divorce is hard enough on children. Why would a parent want to add to the stress and confusion of their own flesh and blood? That is not a parent, but a vindictive ex spouse who uses their child as a pawn in their game. Parental alienation is child abuse. When will this abuse end?
Monday, September 08, 2008
thoughts for the day
One would think that I could come up for a new title in my postings. I will at some point, but right now I post under the pseudonym of alienated mom and do not reveal any identifying information . That will change, but only when the time is right. Then I will post everything about my case including court documents.
I hear so often, why do I continue to put myself through this emotional turmoil. Let me ask you, if you were accused of such heinous acts and lost your child to parental alienation, would you not fight to the ends of the earth just so you can see your child? If you have never experienced parental alienation first hand, you have no idea of the heartache and emptiness.
Parental alienation is child abuse. Stop the abuse.
I hear so often, why do I continue to put myself through this emotional turmoil. Let me ask you, if you were accused of such heinous acts and lost your child to parental alienation, would you not fight to the ends of the earth just so you can see your child? If you have never experienced parental alienation first hand, you have no idea of the heartache and emptiness.
Parental alienation is child abuse. Stop the abuse.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
The word NO
The word NO is not used often enough in custody cases. I believe this especially true when there is parental alienation occurring. The judge does not say NO STOP or NO the child must have contact with both parents. Instead the judge allows a child to say NO I do not want to see the other parent and the judge allows this.
I believe this sets children to believe that they can say NO without any repercussion. What will happen when this child becomes an adult and has a job and does not want to do something? Well of course, they have been taught that NO is an acceptable response. One that tells their boss NO could be fired for insubordination. Has anyone looked at the news and seen the amount of young people arrested for crimes? Perhaps if these kids heard the word NO a bit more often they may not be in trouble.
Parental alienation is child abuse. Stop the abuse!
I believe this sets children to believe that they can say NO without any repercussion. What will happen when this child becomes an adult and has a job and does not want to do something? Well of course, they have been taught that NO is an acceptable response. One that tells their boss NO could be fired for insubordination. Has anyone looked at the news and seen the amount of young people arrested for crimes? Perhaps if these kids heard the word NO a bit more often they may not be in trouble.
Parental alienation is child abuse. Stop the abuse!
Friday, September 05, 2008
thoughts for the day
A parent who uses his or her child to punish the ex-spouse is placing the anger, hurt and disappointment about the failed relationship above the child's need to have normal, healthy relationships with both parents. When a parent refuses to let a child spend time with his or her other parent, the child suffers.
A child always suffers when parents divorce – even when Mom and Dad do everything they can to make the transition as smooth as possible. In many cases the child must split his or her time between two homes. Other aspects of the child's physical and emotional world are also split in half. On any given day the child receives half the hands-on support, attention and guidance he or she received prior to the divorce. Children must also adjust to Mom and Dad having less disposable income, more stress as single adults and divorced parents, and eventually, new love interests.
The child suffers even more when parents put the child in the middle of their ongoing post-marital sniping and one-upmanship. What kind of parent would do such a thing to a child?
Parents who react emotionally to the slightest intentional or unintentional provocation from the ex-spouse typically look for whatever, or whoever, is closest to use in retaliation against the other parent. A child is usually close by. A child is also the ultimate "hit him/her where it hurts" weapon. Parents who make plans for the child on the other parent's weekend, refuse to pick up the phone when the other parent calls, or intentionally forget to mention next week's school play or soccer game ignore the child's desire for a normal life with both parents. These parents also put the child in dangerous emotional territory – defending one parent's actions, or worse, questioning a parent's desire to be a loving, attentive Mom or Dad.
If a parent teaches a child that his or her relationship with the other parent is unstable, insecure, inconsistent or temporary, there will be a correlation between the damaged parent/child relationship and difficult adult relationships years later.
Parental Alienation is Child Abuse!
With awareness comes education and understanding, and the power to stop the abuse of innocent children caught in the crossfire of people they love.
A child always suffers when parents divorce – even when Mom and Dad do everything they can to make the transition as smooth as possible. In many cases the child must split his or her time between two homes. Other aspects of the child's physical and emotional world are also split in half. On any given day the child receives half the hands-on support, attention and guidance he or she received prior to the divorce. Children must also adjust to Mom and Dad having less disposable income, more stress as single adults and divorced parents, and eventually, new love interests.
The child suffers even more when parents put the child in the middle of their ongoing post-marital sniping and one-upmanship. What kind of parent would do such a thing to a child?
Parents who react emotionally to the slightest intentional or unintentional provocation from the ex-spouse typically look for whatever, or whoever, is closest to use in retaliation against the other parent. A child is usually close by. A child is also the ultimate "hit him/her where it hurts" weapon. Parents who make plans for the child on the other parent's weekend, refuse to pick up the phone when the other parent calls, or intentionally forget to mention next week's school play or soccer game ignore the child's desire for a normal life with both parents. These parents also put the child in dangerous emotional territory – defending one parent's actions, or worse, questioning a parent's desire to be a loving, attentive Mom or Dad.
If a parent teaches a child that his or her relationship with the other parent is unstable, insecure, inconsistent or temporary, there will be a correlation between the damaged parent/child relationship and difficult adult relationships years later.
Parental Alienation is Child Abuse!
With awareness comes education and understanding, and the power to stop the abuse of innocent children caught in the crossfire of people they love.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Alienation of Affection
Here is a novel approach to the alienation of affection tort.
Alienation of Affection is a legal action (a tort) based on willful and malicious interference with marriage relations by a third party.
For a plaintiff spouse to recover for Alienation of Affection, the following elements are required:
the parties to the marriage were happily married and genuine love and affection existed between them;
such love and affection was alienated and destroyed; and
the wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant brought about the loss and alienation of such love and affection.
Perhaps this can include alienation of affection of a child during or post divorce.
Where the following would read:
Alienation of Affection is a legal action (a tort) based on willful and malicious interference with the child bond between a child and parent brought upon by the interference of another parent and or their family.
For a plaintiff parent to recover for Alienation of Affection, the following elements are required:
the party to the child at one time there was genuine love and affection that existed between them;
such love and affection was alienated and destroyed; and
the wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant brought about the loss and alienation of such love and affection.
Are there any attorneys that would take on such a case?
Alienation of Affection is a legal action (a tort) based on willful and malicious interference with marriage relations by a third party.
For a plaintiff spouse to recover for Alienation of Affection, the following elements are required:
the parties to the marriage were happily married and genuine love and affection existed between them;
such love and affection was alienated and destroyed; and
the wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant brought about the loss and alienation of such love and affection.
Perhaps this can include alienation of affection of a child during or post divorce.
Where the following would read:
Alienation of Affection is a legal action (a tort) based on willful and malicious interference with the child bond between a child and parent brought upon by the interference of another parent and or their family.
For a plaintiff parent to recover for Alienation of Affection, the following elements are required:
the party to the child at one time there was genuine love and affection that existed between them;
such love and affection was alienated and destroyed; and
the wrongful and malicious acts of the defendant brought about the loss and alienation of such love and affection.
Are there any attorneys that would take on such a case?
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Who could do this to a child?
Who could manipulate a child's love, devotion and respect to a parent? Who could encourage a child to say hateful things against their own parent? Who could encourage a child to have hatred in their heart for a parent? One would think only a criminal or low life thug could do this. Can you imagine that a parent could do this to their own child? This is what a target parents lives when the other parent alienates the affection of a child.
When will the judges wake up and realize that this behavior exists and that these so called parents need to be punished?
When will the judges wake up and realize that this behavior exists and that these so called parents need to be punished?
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Thoughts for the day
Today as I was driving home I heard a song on the radio. It was one that I have heard many times, but today it struck me differently. It was the song by Sheryl Crow "If It Makes You Happy".
If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad
I remember my son telling me that if I let him live with his dad, he would be happy. I don't see that he is. I do see the emptiness in his eyes that tells me he is not happy. He was supposed to be so happy, there were so many promises made to him by his father. The promises were not kept.
So son, why are you so unhappy? I miss you and will always love you unconditionally.
If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad
I remember my son telling me that if I let him live with his dad, he would be happy. I don't see that he is. I do see the emptiness in his eyes that tells me he is not happy. He was supposed to be so happy, there were so many promises made to him by his father. The promises were not kept.
So son, why are you so unhappy? I miss you and will always love you unconditionally.
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