This link was brought to my attention about a house/senate bill being considered in the Tennessee General Assembly. According to this link this bill states "Evidence - As introduced, prohibits the admission of any evidence concerning parental alienation syndrome in any proceeding involving a custody determination of a minor child. - Amends TCA Title 24, Chapter 7 and Title 36." According to TN law concerning custody determination, I came across this link. For chapter 36-6-106. Child custody it states:
36-6-106. Child custody. —
(a) In a suit for annulment, divorce, separate maintenance, or in any other proceeding requiring the court to make a custody determination regarding a minor child, the determination shall be made on the basis of the best interest of the child. The court shall consider all relevant factors, including the following, where applicable:
(1) The love, affection and emotional ties existing between the parents or caregivers and the child;
(2) The disposition of the parents or caregivers to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care, education and other necessary care and the degree to which a parent or caregiver has been the primary caregiver;
(3) The importance of continuity in the child's life and the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment; provided, that, where there is a finding, under subdivision (a)(8), of child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, by one (1) parent, and that a nonperpetrating parent or caregiver has relocated in order to flee the perpetrating parent, that the relocation shall not weigh against an award of custody;
(4) The stability of the family unit of the parents or caregivers;
(5) The mental and physical health of the parents or caregivers;
(6) The home, school and community record of the child;
(7) (A) The reasonable preference of the child, if twelve (12) years of age or older;
(B) The court may hear the preference of a younger child on request. The preferences of older children should normally be given greater weight than those of younger children;
(8) Evidence of physical or emotional abuse to the child, to the other parent or to any other person; provided, that, where there are allegations that one (1) parent has committed child abuse, as defined in § 39-15-401 or § 39-15-402, or child sexual abuse, as defined in § 37-1-602, against a family member, the court shall consider all evidence relevant to the physical and emotional safety of the child, and determine, by a clear preponderance of the evidence, whether such abuse has occurred. The court shall include in its decision a written finding of all evidence, and all findings of facts connected to the evidence. In addition, the court shall, where appropriate, refer any issues of abuse to the juvenile court for further proceedings;
(9) The character and behavior of any other person who resides in or frequents the home of a parent or caregiver and the person's interactions with the child; and
(10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child.
(b) Notwithstanding the provisions of any law to the contrary, the court has jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination regarding a minor child or may modify a prior order of child custody upon finding that the custodial parent has been convicted of or found civilly liable for the intentional and wrongful death of the child's other parent or legal guardian.
(c) As used in this section, “caregiver” has the meaning ascribed to that term in § 37-5-501.
(d) Nothing in subsections (a) and (c) shall be construed to affect or diminish the constitutional rights of parents that may arise during and are inherent in custody proceedings.
[Acts 1995, ch. 428, § 2; 1998, ch. 1003, § 1; 1998, ch. 1095, §§ 2, 3; 2000, ch. 683, § 2; 2007, ch. 245, §§ 1-3.]
This bill would contradict the 36-6-106 Child Custody rules that already exist. I looked at section 10 which states: (10) Each parent or caregiver's past and potential for future performance of parenting responsibilities, including the willingness and ability of each of the parents and caregivers to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and both of the child's parents, consistent with the best interest of the child. A parent who is participating in alienating the child from the other parent does not facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the child and other parent. Alienating parents are obsessed with intentionally destroying the relationship between the child and the targeted parent. The alienating parent will lie to the child about the targeted parent’s true feelings. They will encourage the child to believe that the targeted parent is harmful. They will attempt to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life. This is NOT encouraging a close and continuing relationship between the child and both parents.
I could argue most of the other points as well, but I think the above is important. Whomever came up with this bill for consideration has not researched parental alienation thoroughly. If this bill were to pass, children in the state of Tennessee will suffer the most.
If you reside in Tennessee, contact your lawmakers and urge them to vote against this bill for consideration.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Suggested reading for target parents
If you are a parent experiencing parental alienation, you most likely are searching every resource you can for information. You may be wanting to know how to stop or prevent this from happening, if things will ever return to normal with your relationship with your children and what to do to facilitate this as well.
Dr. Amy Baker has written a book titled Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
. Dr. Baker has a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University. She is the author or co-author of 3 books and over 45 peer reviewed articles. Her areas of research include parental alienation, child welfare, parent involvement in their children's education, early intervention, and attachment. She is the Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection.
This book interviews 40 adults who were alienated from a parent as a child. Many of the stories sound the same; a controlling parent who sets out on a mission to destroy the relationship between the child and other parent. As I read the stories, I found a common theme. The target parent who did not give up, would sometimes eventually have a relationship with the child they lost. The book is well written and offers advice for target parents as well.
If you have not read this book, I would suggest that this book is a must read. You will gain insight and understanding in a way you thought was not possible.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Dr. Amy Baker has written a book titled Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book)
. Dr. Baker has a Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from Teachers College of Columbia University. She is the author or co-author of 3 books and over 45 peer reviewed articles. Her areas of research include parental alienation, child welfare, parent involvement in their children's education, early intervention, and attachment. She is the Director of Research at the Vincent J. Fontana Center for Child Protection. This book interviews 40 adults who were alienated from a parent as a child. Many of the stories sound the same; a controlling parent who sets out on a mission to destroy the relationship between the child and other parent. As I read the stories, I found a common theme. The target parent who did not give up, would sometimes eventually have a relationship with the child they lost. The book is well written and offers advice for target parents as well.
If you have not read this book, I would suggest that this book is a must read. You will gain insight and understanding in a way you thought was not possible.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
My experience talking about parental alienation
I ruffled some feathers today. It was not intentional, but it happened. I figured saying I ruffled some feathers sounded better than saying I pissed some people off today. OK, now I said it!
I know where my heart is concerning the topic of parental alienation and I am pretty sure I know where I stand concerning parental alienation too. A situation arose today that sent some red flags up for me and I acted upon them. In this situation, the father, was the one I suspected of being either alienated or very much in the process of being alienated. I spoke to the father privately and gave him a flyer about parental alienation and also gave him my email address and name. I am not sure if others around me knew I did this, but I did see some things and overheard conversations later that made me angry. To protect identity's, I will not elaborate any further about the situation.
I do want to point out that I write this blog based on my personal experiences and from those I know affected by parental alienation. I am female, I am a mother, and I feel my ex husband did a number on me, does not care about our child and uses our child to hurt me as well. This is not about me or my ex husband. This is about children being torn from parents that love them and the children want the relationship with both parents, but one parent carries out the revenge by convincing their children to hate a parent. I think my ex is a chump, but does that mean he does not love our son or want a relationship with him. This is not for me to decide. Unfortunately, my ex decided that our son wants nothing to do with me. That was not his decision either.
I wish parents, who are supposed to be the adults, could put aside the personal feelings they have for the ex partner and let these children love both parents. This is what I stand for.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
I know where my heart is concerning the topic of parental alienation and I am pretty sure I know where I stand concerning parental alienation too. A situation arose today that sent some red flags up for me and I acted upon them. In this situation, the father, was the one I suspected of being either alienated or very much in the process of being alienated. I spoke to the father privately and gave him a flyer about parental alienation and also gave him my email address and name. I am not sure if others around me knew I did this, but I did see some things and overheard conversations later that made me angry. To protect identity's, I will not elaborate any further about the situation.
I do want to point out that I write this blog based on my personal experiences and from those I know affected by parental alienation. I am female, I am a mother, and I feel my ex husband did a number on me, does not care about our child and uses our child to hurt me as well. This is not about me or my ex husband. This is about children being torn from parents that love them and the children want the relationship with both parents, but one parent carries out the revenge by convincing their children to hate a parent. I think my ex is a chump, but does that mean he does not love our son or want a relationship with him. This is not for me to decide. Unfortunately, my ex decided that our son wants nothing to do with me. That was not his decision either.
I wish parents, who are supposed to be the adults, could put aside the personal feelings they have for the ex partner and let these children love both parents. This is what I stand for.
Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Missing you on Valentine's Day
Myspace Graphics, Valentine's Day Graphics at WishAFriend.com
Today is the day that many exchange cards, candy, flowers and gifts with those we love. When I grew up, I got a small box of candy from my parents as well as a card. I continued that tradition with my son. This year, I do not get to continue that tradition with my son. So yes Son, I am missing you on Valentine's Day.
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Friday, February 06, 2009
1300 days
Today is day 1300 since my son said he loved me. I guess I could look at as 3 years, 6 months, 20 days or 112,320,000 seconds or 1,872,000 minutes or 31,200 hours or 185 weeks. Perhaps I should not look at it in those terms. I could also look at it as there are other parents who have had a much longer time since they have heard their child utter these words or even seen them for that fact. Do you think that parental alienation does not hurt?
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Super Bowl XLIII
OK I admit, I not a big sports fan, but will admit that I have to watch the Super Bowl. There is something about this event that makes me a sports fan for the day. Maybe it is the commercials! Whatever the reason, I will be watching this afternoon and will cheer the underdogs today. Why? Target parents are the underdogs in the fight against parental alienation, so I have to cheer for all the target parents who are experiencing parental alienation and hoping they win. Go Cardinals!To those that are having parties today, have fun and be careful!
To my son today, I want to let you know that I will be watching today and thinking of you. I know you will be watching the Super Bowl.
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