Monday, October 27, 2008

Helpful tips for a target parent dealing with parental alienation

This is not a complete list of tips and I will add to them as time goes on.

One of the things that target parents deal with is how to cope when you are the target parent. It is very difficult and frustrating being in this position. Your child or children, who once loved you, now seem to hate you. You feel powerless and hopeless. So I hope these suggestions can offer some insight.

1) Make sure your attorney understands what parental alienation is about and has dealt with cases before. Not all states allow the term parental alienation into the court system. This is one area that you get what you pay for.

2) Demand that counseling be ordered in your case. If you cannot get this ordered, then find a counselor that understands what parental alienation is and has dealt with other families experiencing this. If you cannot get your child or children to go, then you go. Not only will you gain insight, but you will be able to vent to a safe source.

3) Do not speak disparagingly about your ex spouse where your child or children could overhear you. Have a rule that you will refrain from any negative speak or outbursts when your child or children visit. Also have skin of steal as you will need it. You are going to tried as a parent with your child or children in their attempts to align with the alienating parent, you will be tried by the courts and you will be tried by friends that attempt to help.

4) Have at least one confidant that you can confide in, so you can vent and gain some insight. Your story gets old to many and many do not understand and their helpful advice will wear thin as well. ( why don't you cut your losses? It is a phase. They will eventually figure it out, give it time. )

5) Read, read and do more reading about parental alienation. Buy books about parental alienation. It is a comfort to know that you are not alone.

6) Maintain contact with your child or children, no matter how difficult and heartbreaking it is. Be it cards, phone calls or emails. They may very well be ignored as well.
Let them know that you will always be there without repercussion.

7) maintain a journal of your feelings. If you do it online, make it private and do not let anyone have access. This is for you and it is cathartic.

8) Document everything. Have logs of when you attempted calls, sent cards,keep email copies, write down any contact you have with the alienating parent and what was said. Have a witness when possible. This most likely will not help you in court, but it may.

9) Find a hobby, get a second job doing something you always wanted to do, get involved in support groups, something to make you feel needed and important. Target parents either seem to get lost in the fight or want to walk away.

10) Do not give up hope. For as cliche as it sounds, I think the child or children will eventually figure it out and you have to be there. You may also be faced with the toughest problem as well and that is to not allow your child to hate the alienating parent for doing what they did.

Now if I can only follow the ten things I wrote about. It is difficult as a target parent.

Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.

1 comment:

  1. I think many of your tips are good and Iw ould just encourage you as well as other targeted parents to consider the tips in my paper as well, Beyond the high road: Responding to 17 parental alienation strategies without compromising your morals or harming your child.

    Amy J.L. Baker, Ph.D.