Friday, October 03, 2008

Dr. Phil and Parental Alienation

Thank you Dr. Phil for having a show about parental alienation.

From Dr. Phil's website about shows this week:

"Brainwashed by my Parents" "Friday - October 3, 2008"

"It’s being called the ultimate form of child abuse -- brainwashing your children against an ex-spouse to win custody. Could you be harming your child emotionally and not even know it? First up, Ken is a successful surgeon who says he’s the victim of parental alienation syndrome (PAS). He says he hasn’t seen his 14-year-old son since last October and claims his ex-wife destroyed what was once a loving father-son relationship. Mel Feit, director of the National Center for Men, says Ken’s situation is a classic case of kids being turned against their father, but family law attorney Liz Kates says PAS is a phony tactic used by some men to get out of paying child support. What does Dr. Phil think? Then, Karen lost custody of her children after she was accused of parental alienation syndrome by her ex-husband. Karen maintains her innocence, so why were her parental rights terminated when her daughters accused her ex of sexual abuse? Plus, 19-year-old Demi joins the show via Web cam and says her father verbally abused her mother during their divorce. Now, she fears that her 15-year-old sister is caught in the middle. Find out what you can do if you’re caught between sparring parents. And, meet a father so desperate to see his young children, he kidnapped them from his ex-wife and went on the lam for two years. "

I as only able to see half of the show, but I can tell you that the attorney Liz Kates made my blood boil. What I heard or understand her to imply was that parental alienation may not exist and that in cases where abuse was evident parental alienation was used. Excuse me, that was not the leading question for that response. She obviously has never had first hand experience with parental alienation.

Let me ask you Ms. Kates, have you ever been invited to a baby shower and signed a card and could not finish because of the tears? Have you avoided attending baby showers because this is to be a happy occasion and all you can do is grieve for your child? Are you afraid you would cry and take away from the joy if you attended? Can you watch a movie where the plot of the story is about divorced parents and one parent degrades the other parent? Have you cried because you can relate? Do you know what it is like to wonder what your child is doing? Do you get frustrated because your calls go unanswered, your emails unanswered, that you send to your child? Have you asked your ex spouse for information about your child and are ignored? Do you miss special events for your child because you are not told about them? Do you have a collection of photos of your child but are missing some because you cannot even get a copy of a school photo? Do you have to answer complaints filed in court that are pure BS because your ex spouse harasses you by using the legal system? Do you have to deal with your visitation time, which is sometimes less than 48 hours per month, that has constant interference from the ex spouse? Do you know how it feels when you cannot talk to your child twice in a month, but the ex calls or text messages every few hours when it is your parenting time? Do you feel tremendous loss and grief from not being able to see your child and cannot even explain the grief you feel so others can understand? Do you get angry when people say this will pass? If not, then you have not a clue what parental alienation is about.

You can say that is not parental alienation. I really do not care what it is called. It is WRONG! When one parent uses a child as a pawn and encourages the child to hate the other parent, that is abuse. Pure and simple ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wake up judges, courts and children's services. This is abuse. There may be no scars, but it is abuse.

Parental alienation is abuse. Stop the abuse.


  1. Yes! Parental alienation exists and its at epidemic proportions.

    One reason I feel it is proliferating and at the same time is rejected as to existence and to credibility by individuals, groups, and courts and its players is because it is a negative human behavoir.

    I think the the ideas put forth by Anne Wilson Schaef, When Society Becomes An Addict, Harper and Row, 1986 explains these denials and rejctions very well. In previous writings she too had postulated that it was a white male system that had done it all to women. She came to realize however that white males ultimately become the victims of their own perpetrations. Thus she arrived at the truth of things and that was a disease concept, one that fits well with the symptomology of addiction.

    Thus I contend that these people and groups are functioning as addicts and progressed addicts at that. An addict must defend agaisnt exposure and PAS is a symptom of addiction, or sin, or 'missing the mark' as John Bradshaw would call sin.

    PAS is insidious in its effects. I feel Dr. Phil was wrong in saying that the child would ultimately come ot the targeted parent. Sometimes and quite often this does not happen. In my own case my daughter is now 23 years old and after seventeen years still cannot speak with me.I have one of the zealot groups to thank for this, Justice for Children (JFC)-Houston, Texas. They threw two lawyers from Fulbright and Jaworski,Llp, a firm that grossed 350 million dollars in the year they took my daughter. Her mother got them for free however.Her mother was out committing three felonies while she got this help.

    So nobody can tell me PAS does not exist and nobody can tell me that these zealot groups with which Liz Kates (on the show) probably has affiliation, serve any useful prupose other than to confuse custody matters even further and to destroy even more children.

  2. Hello:

    The book, A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation has been published and is now available. For legal reasons, I wrote the book under the pseudonym Mike Jeffries.

    You can order the book at our new website -- The book is also available on; however you will receive it faster if you order it from our website.

    We created the new website to coincide with the release of the book. If you have the old Hugs to Heartbreak website bookmarked, in your contact information, or as a link on your webpage, please replace it with this new URL. If you are interested in a link exchange, please go to and fill out the Submit a Resource form.

    We wrote A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation to raise the visibility of an issue that as you know, affects millions of parents, children and extended family members every year. We're confident A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation will help anyone dealing with this very painful situation and educate the legal and mental health professionals involved in these cases.

    If you order a copy, please provide a comment about the book on the new website or on Amazon. We look forward to your feedback.


    mike "jeff" jeffries
    Author, A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation.