Today is Halloween

Halloween Graphics

Another day without my son.
For something you accuse that I have done
I miss out on Halloween fun
With my son
You still think you have won
But I still have a son.







OK, bad attempt at a poem. Halloween, either you get caught up in the celebration or you don't. This was a time for me that was fun. I picked out a costume for my son, with his help of course, bought candy, braved the cold, rain or snow, and walked a neighborhood begging for candy. As he got older we visited haunted houses or other supposed scary activities. it was all in fun, but it really was more of special times that we both could look back on and reminisce. I loved hearing him say, "Remember Mom, the time you took me to that place and we went trick or treating" and other memories.

Every time something special comes around, be it the Christian or other religious holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc, target parents look back at the special times they had with their children. Many have lost those special times.

While my son is now an adult legally, I doubt I am missing the trick or treating times and his dressing up in a costume, but I still wonder what he is doing.

As for my poem: My ex accused me of many heinous things and attempted to strip me of my parental rights. I lost many special times and memories with my son, but I did not lose my son as my ex wished the courts would have granted.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

some thoughts about parental alienation

Through my own experiences dealing with parental alienation and with talking to those that experience first hand and others, I have come up with some thoughts of my own. I would like your feedback as well.

I had a conversation the other day with a young adult, age 23, whose parents are divorced. She has no idea of my situation. I do not believe that parental alienation played a huge part in her parent's divorce, although there could have been some naive alienation going on by both parents. What struck a chord with me, was a comment that she made. She did not want to know about her parent's divorce, did not want to know the cause, she just wanted to be able to love them both without feeling she had to hear anything of the past. I got a sense that now, both or one parents wanted to tell their side of the story. She stated this divorce was not about her. She is right.

In my previous post about what does love have to do with it and letting go, I think I hit upon something. Something that seems to make more sense as time goes on. I think the degree of parental alienation is directly related to the age of the child, time spent with the child before alienation became apparent and the level of the alienation employed by the alienating parent. This is not to say that some cases are easier, because any parent that experiences this can never recover the lost years.

If you are a target parent, never ever give up hope. Please keep contact, even if you are the one doing all the contact. Develop a thick skin and let the hurtful comments slide off. Keep a log, diary, online blog, something that chronicles your contact and love for your child. Get a facebook page or a myspace page or whatever the social networking pages that your child may have. You nay not be friends with them, but post pictures of them, let them know you love them. Someone will see them and tell your child this. Call on birthdays, holidays and more. Leave a message, it may not be returned. Gather a box and place cards, gifts, whatever you have to into, that one day your child will see you never gave up. Don't stop being a parent that loves a child that can not do things just because the courts and your ex spouse has made it seem this way. You are just being the silent parent for now. I truly believe that these children taken away from the target parents will one day return.

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

What does love have to do with it?

Today while researching some quotes I came across one that everyone has seen or read before. I read it and thought how profound it is.

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with"

How does this relate to target parents and alienated children? As target parents we have to find the time to let go. As alienated children, they may feel they have been set free. What if they never return to us? What if they do?

I truly believe that the children that have been alienated against the target parent will someday return. Target parents have to keep the hope, faith and belief that they will. They must also maintain or attempt to maintain contact as well.

If you are a target parent, keep hoping, praying, believing and doing everything you can, even though you feel it will get you nowhere. Send cards, keep a copy for your records. Take notes and make a journal of your contact, Write your thoughts down. I do believe that one day, your child or children will read it and realize.

Never give up hope!

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Missed the 1500 day mark

So today, August 28, 2009 is day 1503 that my son has not said that he loved me. I guess after some time, you miss these milestones. Just for the record1503 days = 4.11507763 years.

Things will change! I know it, I just have to keep doing what I do. Love my son and let him know that.

what can be done to stop parental alienation?

Question: What can be done to stop parental alienation?
Answer: That is a difficult question to answer, because everyone has their own ideas, but no one seems to care, except for those affected by this abuse.

Perhaps, that is a harsh answer, but it seems to be the reality of this abuse that happens to children.

Children being left in cars in the scorching heat, children being approached by a pedophile, children being killed all gather headlines and rightfully so. These are abuses and of the worst physical kind. There are headlines about children being kidnapped by the other parent, but the emphasis is not on the emotional abuse that the child experiences by being denied the other parent. The emphasis is either on the abuse that is "alleged" that lead to the parental kidnapping, or how tragic it will be that the child may be "forced" to return to the other parent. I do not deny that some parents take their children in what they consider a "good faith" attempt to protect their children from abuse, BUT these parents also do not realize that denying a child knowledge to the other parent is also abuse.

Some may question my views on this. Most that have experienced a divorce, "knows" that the other person is whatever words one can use to describe a terrible person. Sure, they have cheated, lied, abused you, etc, but they still are the person you selected as your spouse and was the other parent. Now suddenely they are not worthy of love from a child or children you conceived together? This makes no sense to me.

So what to do about the system that does not care about these children subjected to this type of abuse? Make new laws against this crime? This sounds good in theory, but the sad fact remains that the current laws or suggestions are not enforced and there is no punishment for the willful and direct violation of these.

Every parenting plan that I have seen has some statements such as:
The willingness and ability of each of the parents to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent, consistent with the bests interests of the child;
The following are the rights of a parent during those times when the child is not in the care of that parent.
That parent has the right:
To be free of derogatory remarks made about such parent or such parent's family by the other parent to or in the presence of the child;
To unimpeded telephone conversations with the child at least twice each week at reasonable times and for a reasonable duration;

Of course there are several more suggestions, but any target parent can tell you that these basic rights above are rarley followed and that the "system" does not punish either for these so called violations.

So are new laws needed? Yes perhaps, but FIRST the current suggestions need to be followed with some form of punishment for the parent that disregards them. Until then, this emotional abuse of children caught in the crossfire of divorces will continue. There can be all sort of laws, but if the basic rights of parents are not encouraged and followed, then all the laws on the books mean absolutely nothing. If a parent is not punished for disreagreding a child's need to know and love both parents without prejudice, all the laws on the books is futile.

I urge everyone that has experienced parental alienation to speak out. Tell your story!

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

My thoughts for the day

I have taken a break from posting, as many of my followers are aware. During this time, I have been sitting back listening to people talk and thinking about what they have said. One thing, I have noticed is the way things were said.

Two examples I would like to mention are two people that are divorced and they had children with their spouses. One person is male and the other is female. I attempt to be fair minded and have always stated that parental alienation is not gender based. The male hates his ex wife with all his being. He can not say one word nice about her. The female hates her ex with all her being and also can not say one word nice about him. When I mention that they had children, both claim what a jerk the spouse was and how they do not matter. I also heard that the children do not like the other parent. If asked why, the answer is because they saw what a jerk the spouse was. They both were quick to point out all the faults of the ex spouse, without my questioning them. They also state how much better the children would be without having contact with the other parent.

This is the behavior that makes me sick. I do not like what my ex did to me, but he and I did have a child together and at one time shared loving feelings. I can trash talk him with the rest, but I also can find some nice things to say about him as well. He cannot return the favor and neither can the two that I wrote about either.

When a parent has such hatred in their hearts for the other parent, it affects their ability to be a good parent. They constantly look for opportunities to plant the seeds of hatred about the other parent. When a parent cannot have the interests of their children above their own, they are selfish.

If you encounter parents that are attempting to plant seeds of hatred about their ex, realize that there are two sides to every story. I would also wonder what the motive was as well.

This is how parental alienation works. Deep seated hatred for the ex, followed by multiple stories that sway you to believe their story and acceptance that the child is better off without the other parent in their life. While the parent works on gathering their army of believers, the child is already enmeshed and telling stories as well.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!

Hello and a quick post

Hello to everyone!

I am working on a few posts, that I hope to get published soon.

As we near the 4th of July and the celebration of Independence Day, I can only hope that those that are held hostage by the means of parental alienation can somehow find some liberation.

The more that I sit back, reflect and ponder, I have come to realize that parental alienation is a continuation of domestic violence, a control issue and it is most definitely child abuse. I disagree with the groups that want to so call protect their children from the abuse by denying them the knowledge and association with the other parent. Children will seek out these things as they get older and if this so called abuse was a dreamed up idea by a parent as a means to control, the children will figure this out one day. I am sorry if you disagree, but two people made this child and this child has the right to know both parents, no matter the alleged adults feelings towards each other. I have also written that the laws need to change. I agree they need to change, but FIRST the current laws need to be enforced.

I hope to be able to touch on these subjects in my following posts.

Parental Alienation is Abuse! Stop the Abuse!

"My Story" the intro

There are three sides to every story....her side, his side and in between lies the truth. It is supposed to be up to the judges to decide which side they believe more per se and weed through the rest of the BS. The judges are supposed to rule in the best interests of the child and are supposed to use the laws and enforce them. Unfortunately, this does not happen. This is where I want my story to focus on. I may have to go back to pre divorce to make a point, but I really want to focus on the fact that there are laws that the judges DO NOT enforce and basically IGNORE! This is the injustice that alienating parents face. A gross injustice! Parental rights are being violated.

My thoughts for the day

I have been doing alot of thinking here lately. How to proceed to "tell my story", what to write about and how to go on with life with that empty hole that parental alienation leaves.

I recently experienced an unexpected death of a family member. It was quite a shock. It was not real until the day of the funeral. I will miss this person, but I also know that they will not be back to visit and will not have to wonder when the next time will be that I see them. A closure of sorts, I guess. In parental alienation, it is a death, but without closure. With death, you can be mad and angry that they left, but know they will never be back. You can visit them at their grave. You know the phone number you had for them is now disconnected, not because they avoid your calls, but because they are not there. With PA, you know your child is there, but refuses to answer. You worry about them and know if something happened, you may never know about it. There is no closure. Perhaps that means there is hope that they will one day see the light of truth, or mature enough to know better. You can only hope and pray that the lies they have been told, entice them to seek the truth one day.

This leads me to another thought as well. I will begin my journey into my PAS story today. First of all, I want to say there are three sides to every story out there. Her side, His side and between the two, the truth. Which party told more of the truth, is for those to figure out. There is no innocent person when it comes to parental alienation. One perpetrates knowingly and the other enables, many times unknowingly. I can refer to my story with documentation, notes, court documents, arrest records, police records and much more. I found that this diligence got me no where in the courts of law. I could impeach the credibility of my ex many times, but again it was futile. Somehow, it will eventually work out, or so I am told.

Stay tuned as I gather my thoughts for another post.

Back Again!

I would like to thank those that sent me emails saying they missed my posts and to those that offered words of support and wisdom. Please forgive me for not responding though. I am still taking this all in and deciding how to proceed with this blog. For the moment, I will still remain anonymous so I protect my son's identity. That is of the up most importance to me.

My lack of posting was for several reasons. I got hit with several computer viruses, malware and trojans. I attempted to save some money by "fixing" the problem myself, but I ended up having to take my computer in to the shop. An expensive lesson! Yes, I use anti viral software, but the nasty I got bypassed my settings. My other reasons for not posting were due to personal issues. I have experienced a death that hit everyone very hard. I needed to grieve this as well. My son graduated from high school and I was dealing with the difficulties associated with attending his graduation. I did attend his graduation, but felt like an intruder that night. Since that night, I have not been able to contact my son either.

Anger and bitterness, although justified, does not make for good posting.

So, I will start out again posting, perhaps slow, but with thought or so I hope.

Parental Alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse!